Me, eating lunch
Husband: *farts*
Me: 'I'll season my own food, thanks.'
Husband: 'It's beef stock.'
Me: 'That's not how this works! You can't take the funny thing I said and then build on it and say something funnier! I am OUTRAGED.'

#adhdlife #marriage

I'm not *saying* my child is extra, but he aggressively wrote 'I LOVE YOU' inside his Christmas cards; told me he needed origami birds to go with them, and demanded I spritz everything with perfume. I think his actions speak for themselves.

#Christmas #children

Forgot to get myself an advent calendar, then realised I am a grown-ass adult and can make my own.

Started small today. I was so surprised when I opened it.

#advent #adventcalendar #diy

Why have my cats formed an orderly queue behind a net of satsumas? Follow me for more random mysteries that will never be solved.

#catsofmastodon #fruit

What I say: I'm working from home tomorrow.

What I mean: I'm working from home tomorrow because I don't have any clean pants.

#adhdlife #adhd

Me, with a cat on my lap gesturing through the window at the Amazon delivery man.

'Cat! Can't answer the door - I've got a cat on me.'
'Covid? I'll leave it here for you love.'
'No, a ca... yes, thank you!'

#catsofmastodon