I've been a proud bisexual/pansexual for most of my life, publicly out since I was 13

But these last few years my bisexuality feels like a curse or something shameful

I've been questioning my sexuality (à mon grand âge là), wishing / wondering if I could be a lesbian or sapphic, but I am faced with the reality of still being attracted to men, even though I wish I wasn't.

Have I internalized so much biphobia?
I feel illegitimate and I don't like it.