Whoever wrote this sounds mad as hell at plants

Paddington 2 is on tonight

Boris Johnson watching literally any piece of media: the real message here is I should impregnate somebody

My YouTube suggestions came up with “white noise for babies” and for a brief moment my sleep-deprived brain genuinely thought they’d adapted the Don DeLillo novel

The slapstick comic instinct of the cop to poke his little head out the window ahshwkahfh

All the great songs in the world and my head’s shuffle mode has decided to play the theme tune from Paw Patrol at me for the last month

Etiquette question: I missed a call from the doctor at about 9, because dealing with a child. I rang back about 10 seconds later and the receptionist said they’d get the doctor to ring back. It has now been 2 and a half hours. Do I ring back again, or just accept that this is my punishment for missing the call

4-year-old telling me he wants Luigi (from Luigi’s Mansion) to go into his school friends houses and cuddle them while they’re sleeping. Unsure whether as a parent I’m supposed to tell him “that’s nice dear” or “what you’ve just described is a crime”.