âŚFirst, you spend your whole life hiding your emotions, your pain, your frustration because each time you let yourself show it - you hurt their feelings, and you care for them and donât want them to be hurt.
Then, they throw into your face accusations of being emotionless heartless cold inhumane creature when you donât let them see your soul burning inside when they spit something hurtful at you. Or tell you that you donât understand their difficulties because it has been so easy for you.
And you just mute yourself again because you canât let yourself crumble
And you put on that fucking smile
âOh yeah, so easy, must be giftedâ
And while your soul screams at you that this is unfair, when your mind tells you this is unhealthy, when all your self-education in psychology (which you did since adolescence in order to deal with yourself and the world around) tells you to stop masking - the immense shame and all of the love you still have make you to shut the fuck up and keep that smiling pokerfaceâŚ
@autistics