You learn to write as if to someone else because NEXT YEAR YOU WILL BE
"SOMEONE ELSE."

O, it is excellent
To have a giant's strength; but it is tyrannous
To use it like a giant.
-- Shakespeare, "Measure for Measure", II, 2

You will gain money by a speculation or lottery.

Q: Why did Menachem Begin invade Lebanon?
A: To impress Jodie Foster.

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Sam and Janet.
Sam and Janet who?
Sam and Janet Evening...

You may my glories and my state dispose,
But not my griefs; still am I king of those.
-- William Shakespeare, "Richard II"

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what
you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
-- Mark Twain

I asked my date to go to the gym the other day. They never showed up. That's when I knew we wouldn't work out.

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

You will be married within a year, and divorced within two.