Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can read.
-- Mark Twain

Another good night not to sleep in a eucalyptus tree.

Two muffins were sitting in an oven, and the first looks over to the second, and says, “man, it’s really hot in here”. The second looks over at the first with a surprised look, and answers, “WHOA, a talking muffin!”

What do you call a group of disorganized cats? A cat-tastrophe.

What is the hardest part about sky diving? The ground.

I finally bought the limited edition Thesaurus that I've always wanted. When I opened it, all the pages were blank.
I have no words to describe how angry I am.

I'll tell you what often gets over looked... garden fences.

You prefer the company of the opposite sex, but are well liked by your own.

Today is the last day of your life so far.

Want to hear a joke about construction? Nah, I'm still working on it.