#Germany's railways are currently out of service as the single Fr!tzbox DSL modem responsible for all rail traffic coordination ran into issues during a Devuan upgrade, breaking a mission-critical PHP script.

- Travellers are advised to avoid travelling through Germany. It is never worth it.
- Travellers already in Germany are urged to leave at the earliest possible time to a neighbouring country.
- More information soon to be available over TeleText or town crier.

Look I know that when you hear that someone born in 1994 who lives with their mother commits a stabbing rampage in Winterthur, it's only natural to come to the conclusion that kernel development finally broke me, but I swear it wasn't me.

(Nobody died so I feel fine joking about it)