OH SHIT. I JUST FOUND THE DM FUNCTION!

It's in the little globe/public level dropdown attached to the text box.

FINALLY.

@kacealexander Oh god...you're going to abuse this so much aren't you? :P
@shaunduke Hahaha, no. I only use them for important shit. I hate random DMs. But I know people who live off them!
@kacealexander This is the kind of stuff that should be in the basic FAQ, and doesn't seem to be.
@LAGilman The problemw ith open source is that usually devs are working around the clock. I suspect a volunteer to do it would be awesome, but man do I not have that time... ^^;;
@kacealexander Yeah, 'cept I got some "well, have you READ the INSTRUCTIONS?" pushback when I first joined and complained about not being able to find some things, so I'm a little cranky about basics being overlooked...
@kacealexander Holy shit THANK YOU. Not knowing how to do that's been bugging me for a good while now.