Mastodawn

John Moltz Enterprises is pleased to announce that it has acquired Apple for the low price of $20. As the new CEO I would like to assure customers that most operations will remain the same. With the big exception of government relations. And a bunch of App Store shit.

campmccl 1d ago

@Moltz Fantastic news. While you're at it, would you also consider stopping ads on Maps?

John Moltz 1d ago

@campmccl You got it!

Frederick 1d ago

@Moltz I for one welcome our new Moltz overlords. 🖖

Jack Brewster 1d ago

@Moltz So we can expect actual colors on pro gear now?

John Moltz 1d ago

@jackbrewster Damned straight!

GSStamas 1d ago

@Moltz Will you be introducing T-shirts to go with Apple socks?

John Moltz 1d ago

@Barkeep I can’t speak about future products.

Medea Vanamonde 🏳️‍⚧️1d ago

@Moltz @lisamelton
All fools day was yesterday

John Moltz 1d ago

@MedeaVanamonde @lisamelton Yeah, I know, but I didn’t buy the book until today.

famousringo 1d ago

@Moltz the new CEO simply showed up, hit command-Z on Liquid Glass and gave his two weeks notice! 🤯

@Moltz Well, congratudamnedlations!

Anze Tomic 23h ago

@Moltz Can I get one of the presidential gold statues that were surely being prepared for a future occasion at the White House?

John Moltz 23h ago

@anzet Sorry. I’m having them taken to the desert and safely exploded.

billy joe bowers 🗽22h ago

Pretty sure that screenshot is a legally binding document.