Miriam's on Medical Leavei have been vaginalized
pussyfication 100% complete
Lo, i am becunted!
OMG so many pins and needles
like ill get to the actual surgery pain eventually but wowwww so many pins and needles
okay so its way too early to really feel anything physically that will correspond to how ill feel later, but…
…this already feels so so right. 🥲
also i havent mentioned but should: @faithisleaping volunteered to accompany me to the clinic from admission to recovery and has been an incredible rock through the whole experience.
thank you SO MUCH, honey. its meant the world to me.
"what is this uncomfortable bulky cold thing between my legs?"
"…oh right. ice packs. because surgery."
my dumbass brain, everybody!
i was told "eventually you have days you forget you even had surgery" and apparently brain decided to speedrun that
also kegels feel different
since we're marching in the Obvious Parade, figured id just throw that one in
thank goddess for protein bars forgotten in the bottom of my purse
my genitals this morning: okay what the FUCK just happened?!
that was more sugar at breakfast than i have had in a LONG time
fruit! juice! jam! wheee!
gotta get those calories to power all this healing!
me to two nurses: i need my sleeping bonnet.
white nurse: your what?
Black nurse: yes you do. here.
look, just because i had major abdominal surgery yesterday doesnt mean i cant do a workout today. ;)
i walked! all the way around the very small clinic floor!
i have so much ice in my underwear i look like i have a cow udder.
…which is not the fetish i came here for!
okay im ready to be done with lying in bed.
i made it… checks clock… 30 hours.
can i be done with recovery, now?
id kill for a run on a treadmill right now.
i have an ITCH that i cannot SCRATCH because first of all its under a metric kiloton of bandages and ice and secondly because i have no idea where that bit of skin actually is anymore.
bit of skin: heyyy i could use a little scratchy-scratch
me: im sorry
skin: right heeeerrree
me: i dont know where that is!!
transferred to convalescent hotel. dont have to lie in bed all day! can stand, can walk around, can… okay, can feel light-headed and lie back down again.
but i did see a copy of Azul under the coffee table…
almost have whiplash. went from "the nurses will take care of everything so you dont have to move" to "okay, here's how you do all the things you have to do, we're here to support you but mostly you do everything yourself."
and like sure makes sense but… that transition happened in about thirty minutes flat! my head is spinning. 🤣
im leaning up against my room's very decorative support pillar rather than laying down cause im so tired of laying down
just checked the transit app to see what the bus line closest to the gender clinic is.
i shit you not, its 69.
just sittin on a lump of ice, now. this is my life.
the irony of my being antsy and not wanting to lie here in bed is that i would have been fine doing that before i became a gym bunny, but i became a gym bunny to prepare for this.
NO, brain, this is NOT a good time for a sex dream!
omfg best poop of my life
i cannot help but imagine my organs shuffling around getting accustomed to the new layout, like clerical workers moving into a new office.
bladder: okay but where do i file my outgoing?
rectum: im wondering the same thing and why are you in my way?
bladder: ive got such a backlog, hold on. oh, i have a handy tube!
rectum: why dont i get a handy tube?
vagina: hey guys!
rectum: who the fuck are you?
bladder: she's the new girl.
urethra: guys? guys? hello? where the fuck am i?!
just casually said the phrase "my labia" and whoa what the fuck
i get to shower tomorrow.
i want to shower today.
now, in fact.
i want to be in a shower right now instead of tooting.
or lets be honest: in the shower and still tooting, just not the fediverse version. 🍑🎺
the optimized sequence of actions in different rooms that comprise my mornings feels an awful lot like those text-based gender bender slice of life games i used to play.
i went OUTSIDE!!! :D
Dammit @NicolaElle we forgot to take a selfie!
anyway Nikki was here. i promise. i have no photographic proof but i swear she was here.
i miss sleeping on my side
well that was a fun emotional freakout trainwreck
brain: you know what time it is?
me: way too early in the morning of a big day for which i should have a full night's rest?
brain: wut?
me: is it sleep time?
brain: pshaw, no, its time for some shadow work!
me: i took you to therapy specifically so you could do this there and then, not here and now!
brain: so shadow work is when we…
bandages off, first look at the results, and wow so many emotions.
not all of them good. but on balance good. and as the day goes on, the balance tips further towards good.
at first look my initial response was, "yep, that's a vulva" with zero emotional response. which was… worrying.
(she also looks like she just had a fight with a wolverine, which probably didnt help.)
it felt like a lot of effort for results that didnt really tip any scales.
then i got to shower, which was an unalloyed good.
afterwards i looked in the mirror again and still felt nothing.
i reminded myself that nothing was still better than bottom dysphoria, but my bottom dysphoria has always been muted and erratic. it didnt feel like a win.
ive also still got a catheter in, and the packing material is secured with really awkward sutures in the perineum, and these things also dont help.
forestine@miriamrobern it took awhile for me to feel good about my chest because it was all swollen and everything
Nicola Elle 🏳️⚧️
Anyia, geeky 🏳️⚧️ girl@miriamrobern there's so much to unpack...
@anyia no the unpacking happens tomorrow ;)
Faith, Purple haired feminist 🧋 
@miriamrobern It'll be okay. This is temporary. Once you get down to 2/day, it just becomes part of your morning/evening routine. Once you get down to 1/day, it's even easier.
@faithisleaping trainwreck was nominally about other stuff, except it was actually about this and everything else and the enormity of everything.
have i mentioned the bandages come off tomorrow?
it's an evening of feelings.
@miriamrobern Yeah, that's a lot of feelings. It's okay to be a trainwreck. Give your doll a good hug and try to be kind and patient with yourself. You've got this! 💜
'i am no man' Charlotte Eowyn!@miriamrobern yeah my impression is basically it's you know a year before you can work again. I mean you know to any real extent. It seems like a huge time sink.
@CharlotteEowyn i should be able to work at 90 days out, when i go down to two dilations a day. dilate, go to work, get home, dilate
Steph 
@miriamrobern my old therapist said "dilation will be your full-time job during recovery"
@PurpleStephyr its certainly looking like that!
@miriamrobern @PurpleStephyr Considering I figured out how to dilate in the bathroom at work… can confirm that yes, dilation feels like a fulltime job at first.
@PurpleStephyr @miriamrobern It's a reasonable sum-up.
🏳️⚧️Claire 🏳️⚧️@miriamrobern
It seems like every gender affirming procedure has a recovery period that involves only sleeping on your back.
It seems like every gender affirming procedure has a recovery period that involves only sleeping on your back.
Tattie@Tattie
OK, I'm trying to imagine what this must be... ONLY on your side? On your tummy? Hanging by your arms?
@miriamrobern
OK, I'm trying to imagine what this must be... ONLY on your side? On your tummy? Hanging by your arms?
@miriamrobern
@Tattie
So, I guess this makes the prospect of getting BA and BBL at the same time unlikely.
@miriamrobern
So, I guess this makes the prospect of getting BA and BBL at the same time unlikely.
@miriamrobern
ChloChloaca@miriamrobern Urethra is like... Standing at half its original height, waving up at the other organs, going "did y'all get taller?"
Zoé Cassiopée ✨@miriamrobern @faithisleaping meanwhile
prostate: I'm just glad that I made it through this round of layoffs 
@ooze @faithisleaping 🤣🤣🤣
listen, there were no *layoffs,* its just that some roles had their portfolios reduced. this right-sizing will be good for everyone, we promise!
Sophie@miriamrobern this legit may have just taken the prize as the best fedi post of all time. I am truly in awe of you 💖
@miriamrobern You need to do a short story about this.
@CharlotteEowyn itd be like Inside Out but for transes
IsabelThank you for sharing this with us - there is little I needed to know more! 😉
Soon, hopefully...🤞
(I'm assuming you're taking a stool softener?)
@IsabelB oh gosh so many. and guzzling prune juice.
Keep on guzzling!
And recovering...🫂