Miriam's on Medical Leavei have been vaginalized
pussyfication 100% complete
Lo, i am becunted!
OMG so many pins and needles
like ill get to the actual surgery pain eventually but wowwww so many pins and needles
okay so its way too early to really feel anything physically that will correspond to how ill feel later, but…
…this already feels so so right. 🥲
also i havent mentioned but should: @faithisleaping volunteered to accompany me to the clinic from admission to recovery and has been an incredible rock through the whole experience.
thank you SO MUCH, honey. its meant the world to me.
"what is this uncomfortable bulky cold thing between my legs?"
"…oh right. ice packs. because surgery."
my dumbass brain, everybody!
i was told "eventually you have days you forget you even had surgery" and apparently brain decided to speedrun that
also kegels feel different
since we're marching in the Obvious Parade, figured id just throw that one in
thank goddess for protein bars forgotten in the bottom of my purse
my genitals this morning: okay what the FUCK just happened?!
that was more sugar at breakfast than i have had in a LONG time
fruit! juice! jam! wheee!
gotta get those calories to power all this healing!
me to two nurses: i need my sleeping bonnet.
white nurse: your what?
Black nurse: yes you do. here.
look, just because i had major abdominal surgery yesterday doesnt mean i cant do a workout today. ;)
i walked! all the way around the very small clinic floor!
i have so much ice in my underwear i look like i have a cow udder.
…which is not the fetish i came here for!
okay im ready to be done with lying in bed.
i made it… checks clock… 30 hours.
can i be done with recovery, now?
id kill for a run on a treadmill right now.
i have an ITCH that i cannot SCRATCH because first of all its under a metric kiloton of bandages and ice and secondly because i have no idea where that bit of skin actually is anymore.
bit of skin: heyyy i could use a little scratchy-scratch
me: im sorry
skin: right heeeerrree
me: i dont know where that is!!
transferred to convalescent hotel. dont have to lie in bed all day! can stand, can walk around, can… okay, can feel light-headed and lie back down again.
but i did see a copy of Azul under the coffee table…
almost have whiplash. went from "the nurses will take care of everything so you dont have to move" to "okay, here's how you do all the things you have to do, we're here to support you but mostly you do everything yourself."
and like sure makes sense but… that transition happened in about thirty minutes flat! my head is spinning. 🤣
im leaning up against my room's very decorative support pillar rather than laying down cause im so tired of laying down
just checked the transit app to see what the bus line closest to the gender clinic is.
i shit you not, its 69.
just sittin on a lump of ice, now. this is my life.
the irony of my being antsy and not wanting to lie here in bed is that i would have been fine doing that before i became a gym bunny, but i became a gym bunny to prepare for this.
NO, brain, this is NOT a good time for a sex dream!
omfg best poop of my life
i cannot help but imagine my organs shuffling around getting accustomed to the new layout, like clerical workers moving into a new office.
bladder: okay but where do i file my outgoing?
rectum: im wondering the same thing and why are you in my way?
bladder: ive got such a backlog, hold on. oh, i have a handy tube!
rectum: why dont i get a handy tube?
vagina: hey guys!
rectum: who the fuck are you?
bladder: she's the new girl.
urethra: guys? guys? hello? where the fuck am i?!
just casually said the phrase "my labia" and whoa what the fuck
i get to shower tomorrow.
i want to shower today.
now, in fact.
i want to be in a shower right now instead of tooting.
or lets be honest: in the shower and still tooting, just not the fediverse version. 🍑🎺
the optimized sequence of actions in different rooms that comprise my mornings feels an awful lot like those text-based gender bender slice of life games i used to play.
i went OUTSIDE!!! :D
Faith, Purple haired feminist 🧋 
ChloChloaca@miriamrobern Urethra is like... Standing at half its original height, waving up at the other organs, going "did y'all get taller?"
Zoé Cassiopée ✨@miriamrobern @faithisleaping meanwhile
prostate: I'm just glad that I made it through this round of layoffs 
@ooze @faithisleaping 🤣🤣🤣
listen, there were no *layoffs,* its just that some roles had their portfolios reduced. this right-sizing will be good for everyone, we promise!
Sophie@miriamrobern this legit may have just taken the prize as the best fedi post of all time. I am truly in awe of you 💖
'i am no man' Charlotte Eowyn!@miriamrobern You need to do a short story about this.
@CharlotteEowyn itd be like Inside Out but for transes
IsabelThank you for sharing this with us - there is little I needed to know more! 😉
Soon, hopefully...🤞
(I'm assuming you're taking a stool softener?)
@IsabelB oh gosh so many. and guzzling prune juice.
Keep on guzzling!
And recovering...🫂
kauer@miriamrobern Oh go on, give it a run, let it rev out a bit. If it blows a gasket, at least it's still under warranty, right?
Katy Swain@miriamrobern Did any medically qualified person ever explicitly say to you that the ice pack couldn't be vibrating?
@katyswain honestly it would probably promote healing 😂
Willow, Venus Pirate 🏳️⚧️@miriamrobern This is so real.
@Willow i just want a little treadmill time, willow! :(
Tess@miriamrobern oh no, not you too 
I told you I was worried this would happen 
@tess i need to sweat, and not just because ive got too many blankets!
@miriamrobern welp, just goes to prove that I am the most slothful transfem when push comes to shov…ing you into bed to rest for weeks
Jojo 
Yeah, I know that one. I couldn't do anything after my cancer surgery and all I wanted to do was go run or play soccer. And I ended up taking 6 months off soccer.
I was hurting so badly.
Dr. Nyri A. Bakkalian
April@miriamrobern Yep, I took that route a bunch recently to visit a friend. And I'd be entirely confident it was a coincidence, if the bus to the airport wasn't route 747...
Steph 
@miriamrobern nice
Dizzy 0069 Stiff Assed Crip 
Tattie
Sonja Schulte@miriamrobern Haha. Congratulations on that, too
Diana Probst, Cambridge Artist@miriamrobern I know the feeling because my ears are mapped weirdly, and it is so frustrating. Obvs I do not know it because of surgery, and I wish you the best in finding out, but also ARGH poor you.
@miriamrobern Sorry, hun. You've got a lot of lying around ahead of you.