SusannaAuthor Old White Hippie

If you were browsing in a bookstore, which of these blurbs would encourage you to look inside? Why (or why not?)

A: A dead body in the community pool. Too many secrets. Welcome to your Florida retirement.

B: When Lily Gallagher finally trades twelve-hour nursing shifts for retirement, she expects rest, relaxation, and socializing. What she gets is anything but.

#AmWriting #Mystery #BookBlurb

Feb 5 at 9:11pmWeb
Show threadJeffFeb 5

@susanna

Definitely A.

Show threadSusanneFeb 6
@susanna Maybe B - but I like A, too.
Show threadeishiyaFeb 11

@susanna A tells me what the story's about. B tells me almost nothing, while also presenting a character I have no reason to care about yet. So, strong preference for A.

However, I agree with another reply that a mash-up might be even better. Maybe replace the last sentence of A ("your" there is weird if it's not a second-person story) with something more akin to B, e.g. "This is not the Florida retirement that nurse Lily Gallagher was expecting."