Mastodawn

It's the Fesshole/Vagina Museum crossover event you've all been waiting for. Tons of you tagged us into this across all of our socials, asking for a fact-check. The consensus of the reply guys is that it Didn't Happen. However, this is in fact very possible. Here's why...

Vagina Museum Oct 28

Regardless of whether you have a penis or a vagina, everyone has a pelvic floor. It's a bowl of muscles at, well, the floor of the pelvis. There's two gaps in the pelvic floor - one where the anus comes out, and a urogenital one. If you have a vagina, the vagina and urethra both exit here.

The human pelvic floor has a couple of very important jobs. First and foremost, is keeping your internal organs inside you. The other is ensuring that peeing and pooing stays under your control.

Vagina Museum Oct 28

Some common events put extra pressure on the pelvic floor. This includes coughing, sneezing, and a big ol' bark of laughter. In these instances, the pelvic floor needs to work a little harder, and it will squeeze. Usually this happens without any intervention from you. It's a useful reflex, because it prevents your internal organs from falling out.

Vagina Museum Oct 28

Digression: The pelvic floor is also supposed to stop you from peeing when you laugh, cough or sneeze. Sometimes muscle tone isn't strong enough to catch this all the time. This might happen due to age, or having given birth vaginally, or something being really fucking funny so there's extra stress on the pelvic floor.. Strength can often be rebuilt through exercising the pelvic floor.

Vagina Museum Oct 28

Anyway, the most pertinent information in assessing the veracity of the twat cannon post is that pelvic floors squeeze involuntarily when you laugh.

And now let's talk about physics.

Vagina Museum Oct 28

Have you ever had an experience where you try to grab a wet bar of soap with wet hands and it shoots clean out of your hand and across the shower? If you haven't, give this a go. Take the soap in your hand, and squeeze it just a little too hard. It flies right out.

Slippery, moist, smooth, rigid things will often go WHOOSH if squeezy force is applied. (sorry, we're a Vagina Museum, not a phyics museum)

Vagina Museum Oct 28

When you squeeze your pelvic floor, you're essentially closing the holes in it. If the thing is small and completely inside the vagina, such as a menstrual cup, squeezing the pelvic floor might push it further up inside you.

But if something is rigid and slippery and at the entrance of the vagina, the laws of physics dictate a squeeze will probably push it out, possibly quite an alarming distance.

Vagina Museum Oct 28

Remember: the pelvic floor is, on a day-to-day basis, carrying around at the very least the weight of your intestines (about 3.5 kilos). If you're pregnant, it supports the whole weight of that, too. These muscles are *strong*. Something smooth and slippery doesn't stand a chance.

Vagina Museum Oct 28

It is also worth noting that a tool such as a speculum as it's inserted, a vaginal dilator or certain designs of sex toy are nearly the perfect shape to be shot out quite some distance when lubricated. They're basically shaped like vagina-compatible bullets.

Vagina Museum Oct 28

So, to conclude, yes, you probably could clonk your gynaecologist round the head with a speculum if they made you laugh at precisely the wrong moment. Which is why a lot of gynaecologists won't make a joke when the speculum and their head are in the danger zone.

Vagina Museum Oct 28

Just about the only Didn't Happen element of the twat cannon post is that forcibly ejecting a speculum at someone's head would be very unlikely to knock them out, as a plastic speculum is too light to accelerate to sufficient force at close quarters for a knockout, even with a direct headshot.

Vagina Museum Oct 28

Wow, you all enjoyed learning whether it's possible to render a doctor unconscious with a twat cannon. The Vagina Museum is a charity, and we provide free educational work here and in our London home! We appreciate any support you give, so whether you enjoyed this or it gave you ideas for a new siege weapon, please donate to help us keep providing space for learning, and sharing your stories of accidentally destroying a flatscreen TV with a vagina-deployed projectile. https://www.vaginamuseum.co.uk/donate

Donate | Support Education & Empowerment – Donate Now — Vagina Museum

Support the Vagina Museum through donations to fund exhibitions, educational programs, and keep the museum accessible to all. Join us in empowering through education.

Vagina Museum

Molly Cantrell-Kraig 🍷Oct 28

Little known fact: My college grunge band was named Twat Cannon.

Johanna, CanCon variety Oct 28

I have totally sent you another tenner in gratitude for the laughs of the Twat Cannon Redux.

Can't send more just now, my pelvic physiotherapy and panty liners bills need payin'.

mauvedeity Oct 29

@vagina_museum “twat cannon” 🤣🤣🤣

Limnobotanik Oct 28

@vagina_museum we still use metal specul...(...a? ), metal ones here... (Germany)

Vagina Museum Oct 28

@Limnobotanik Probably also too light, although if it hit at the screw mechanism it might cause a cut or bruise...

Kinky little cow Oct 28

@vagina_museum For having shot a dilator across a room more than once when sneezing or laughing, twat cannon is indeed more than just a myth, it is.... canon.

@vagina_museum to be fair, it says that they "nearly" knock him out, not that he did. the poster probably thought the impact was worse than it was, since they certainly felt the force required to fire the twat cannon

@vagina_museum «In today's episode of Mythbusters !»

Ride Theory Oct 28

@DamiaB @vagina_museum

KARI BYRON: "No. Just no. Absolutely not."

@ridetheory
TORY BELLECI:"I'm game."
@DamiaB @vagina_museum

punIssuer Oct 28

@DamiaB @vagina_museum Muffbusters?

Angela Glansbury 🚽Oct 28

@vagina_museum
you've convinced me speculum queefing should be an olympic sport

Quantum ⊂ AI Oct 28

@floppyplopper @vagina_museum Speculum Queefing is a Pratchett heroine you can't fool me

GayDeceiver Oct 28

@pikesley @floppyplopper @vagina_museum That really does sound like a Pratchett name.

@floppyplopper @vagina_museum also vagina-compatible bullet is my new favorite expression. But the Olympic sport shouldn't be stuff about specula. Let engineering evolve to design the optimal vagina-compatible bullet!

Angela Glansbury 🚽Oct 28

@oblomov @vagina_museum
that would be none of my business as it's not my olympian vagina the objects are being queefed out of.

@floppyplopper @vagina_museum my composure has been yeeted into the void forever

Angela Glansbury 🚽Oct 28

@vxo @vagina_museum
yvw

Matt Palmer Oct 28

@floppyplopper is the winner judged on accuracy, distance, or style?

Angela Glansbury 🚽Oct 29

@womble
if michael phelps can "earn" 70-odd gold medals i don't see why there can't be multiple disciplines.

personally i'm most looking forward to the speculum curling in the winter olympics

@vagina_museum
Too light to accelerate to sufficient force at close quartets for a knockout...

I'm still waiting for an "...unless..." here... 😅

bituur esztreym Oct 28

@vagina_museum
an old friend of mine who made a trip (the slow, on your own, style) round the world in the 90's had told us once about one thing that stupefied him, seen in Goa in a place i don't know what to call, club, cabaret or whatever : one attraction was two or three women throwing - oopsie: whooshing .. darts.. (purposedly shaped/fitted i guess)
you read me well.
i never had a reason not to trust or believe this friend ever. now thanks to *the crossover*, i know "how" it was true..

Amelia Bellamy-Royds

@bituur_esztreym @vagina_museum There's a scene in Priscilla, Queen of the Desert where the drag queens are faced with a competing act, a woman who is very adept at shooting ping pong balls across a room in a manner the queens could not hope to replicate. (Well, not without some surgery first!) Whooosh, indeed.

Natanox 🇺🇦🇵🇸Oct 28

@vagina_museum What I take from this excellent thread is that this Xbox ad was, in fact, a documentary. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hu_0GdXW904
/lh

Xbox - 2002 "Life Is Short" TV Ad - Xbox: The Difference

YouTube

Celeste Ryder 🐾 🐀🏳️‍🌈Oct 28

@vagina_museum a plastic speculum?! Where is that wonder? I’ve only ever been served the dreadfully cold metal type!

@vagina_museum
What about the metal ones?

@vagina_museum I could see it being less direct, struck in the face, falling backward and smacking their head on the wall or something.

Marie et Julien Oct 28

@vagina_museum Sure but a professional gynaecologist have to be alert at all time and secure his grip on the tool at all cost. Focused and steady hand. It's on him 😀 .

@vagina_museum What a great thread full of information. Thank you!

@vagina_museum also we have a survivors bias here. Any gynaecologist who has been struck by such a projectile might not live long enough to tell.

And even if they did. We rightfully expect our doctors to be very discreet about the proceedings with the patients.

@vagina_museum
tired: vagina dentata
wired: vagina armata

@adriano @vagina_museum vagina armada ?
https://edition.cnn.com/2016/05/10/asia/japan-artist-vagina-kayak

Japanese court rules artist’s ‘vagina’ kayak is legal, sharing is not

A Japanese court has ruled a floating replica of an artist’s vagina is in fact “pop art,” but sharing 3D instructions to create a DIY version was a crime.

CNN

Eero Suoranta / 艾若思 Oct 28

@vagina_museum BRB, need to contact the Finnish Defense Forces about a far superior alternative to the NATO standard caliber they're planning to switch to.

punIssuer Oct 28

@InfamousSnake @vagina_museum TWATO?

Kushnerin pelottava enkeli Oct 28

@vagina_museum Oh how I wish I could quote this with my very own experiences of vaginal shooting (by sneezing) :D

Helle, Queen of Dissociation

@vagina_museum trans women shooting TVs at the end of the bed while dilating by accident is almost tradition

D. G. Marshall Oct 28

Maybe "vagina-compatible bullets" is a phrase that would convince the US* courts and politicians that they shouldn't be trying to control what goes on in vaginas and uteruses.

*where guns have more rights than people with vaginas.

@vagina_museum that's just how pressure works

Three plus or minus five Oct 28

@vagina_museum
As a physicist, let me just tell you that the correct thing to say is that:
Slippery, smooth, rigid *rounded* things will go WOOSH if squeezy force is applied by something *flexible*.

Other than that, spot on. You have my blessing as an ordained (although maybe defrocked) physicist.

Advanced Persistent Teapot Oct 28

@ThreeSigma @vagina_museum defrocked and deflowered?

D. G. Marshall Oct 28

If "squeezy force" is not the correct scientific term, then science needs to make it so.

@vagina_museum The Twat Cannon is my new favourite projectile weapon. Thank you for brightening my day.

Sandra Bond Oct 28

@vagina_museum they're called belly laughs for a reason!

"Musty Bits" McGee Oct 28

@vagina_museum imagine if they did a Looney tunes b-o-i-n-g out the bottom and back

@vagina_museum screw batman vs spiderman, this is the crossover event I will be telling my grandkids about.

Heather 👻Oct 28

@vagina_museum Those Reply Guys have never been funny in their lives. All good relationships involve having a joke and nearly shooting your partner's out in the process (but, y'know, it's attached to them so not the same situation).

This has "legendary thread" written all over it 👏

Alexis Bushnell Oct 28

@vagina_museum my main takeaway from this thread is that a lot of people have never laughed during sex... I have fired dildos out of me and if there's body parts in there they can feel the power when you laugh!