Since I was a child I have internalised that you shouldn't moan about things. You don't necessarily have to be positive but you shouldn't be negative.

I've also internalised that expressing any emotion or conviction caused by #LowSelfEsteem as moaning. So mostly I just sit & let the feelings churn inside, & say I'm fine when I'm not, & smile even while the tears are building up. And all the while convinced that there is something fundamentally wrong with me but I can't say that to anyone irl.