#TOTP thoughts while eating dinner:
* Five only fell out of the top twenty today, because it's full of Taylor Swift choons.
* The Supernaturals, blimey. My homework for the weekend.
* Were Jamiroquai always that dull?
* Charli Baltimore shouting about pullovers: an ancestor of Cardi B?
* Cerys from Catatonia for Celeb Traitors 2, please.
Wait, they've had "You're the one that I want" in the top five and *not* shown The Clip? This is a crime against broadcasting and must be rectified immediately!
"Viva forever" - The Spice Girls
An exclusive performance at the soundcheck, or the rather lovely stop-motion video? Not sure which is better.
That was 1998; the first Mystery Year is next.
Please remain seated for the wizard.
This edition of Top of the Pops comes from the week when Edwina Currie was jeered on stage at the Conservative party conference, a nuclear submarine sank off the coast of Bermuda, and The Independent was launched. It is, are you?
Our hosts are Lord Gary Davies of Wooton; and Chaplain Simon Mayo, his successor as Radio 1's Bright Shiny New Thing.
"Walk like an Egyptian" - The Bangles
Confession: I think this is the group's weakest single, and it is still brilliant.
Listen to the dynamic range, how the drums crash and Vicki Petersen's guitars wail. Vocally, the group is at its best, harmonies work and the different singers for each verse add some texture.
A bit early to write "song of the night" in my notebook.
"Every loser wins" - Nick Berry
Walking round the poles like that, does he think he's the next George Michael?
Nick, mate, you can only aspire to be the new Andrew Ridgeley.
"World shut your mouth" - Julian Cope
How *is* he standing on the microphone stand? Answers on a postcard to me, [The Mystery Year]
"Wonderland" - Paul Young
It's a very off-the-boil song, the verses skitter like a penguin on ice, the chorus promises wonderland but only gets to intriguesville.
"Mid paced, inoffensive, and typically modest", according to Record Mirror.
Do like the shot of Paul almost silhouetted against the line of pink lights, mind...
"All I want" - Howard Jones
Electropop art, complete with all-encompassing face masks and huge CRT display screens.
It's pitched too high for Howard's voice, and maybe he'd have done better with the Lightning Seeds' "All I want" - a different song, later covered by Susannah Hoffs of The Bangles (qv).
Anyway, this is the last week HoJo spends in the top 40: he cannot resist the call of Ver Dumper.
We will never again be graced by former clingfilm factory worker Howard Jones, who bought his first synthesiser with compensation from when a runaway car crashed into his fruit and veg van, injuring his wife.
"True blue" - Madonna
More hooks than a fishing shop, and some fun time signature work - it's written in 4/4 at 118bpm, performed in 2/4 at the very singable 59bpm.
It's a simple and effective video, Madge and her gal pals potter around a blue set, with elements in white - the diner, the car. Even their clothes are in the blue-to-white pallette.
Inspired by something Sean Penn said, which explains why Madge doesn't play it any more.
Playout vid: "You can call me Al" - Paul Simon.
Simon Mayo is getting married on Saturday. "First and only wedding", he promises on network television.
Thirty-four years later, Rev. Mayo is still married to The Good Lady Ceramicist Her Indoors.
Man of his word, there. Happy anniversary for tomorrow.
Our first Mystery Year was 1986; more next.
This edition of Top of the Pops was first shown in a week when the Labour party held its annual conference, and the two Germanys became one.
Our host is Rev. Simon Mayo, whose Breakfast Show Record of the Week is "Don't ask me" by P.I.L.. The Identik-hit answer is "I ran" by A Flock of Seagulls.
And remember, only a complete plank would give away the Mystery Year in their second link.
"I can't stand it" - Twenty Four Seven featuring Captain Hollywood.
Eurodance at its MTV Europe danciest. The group had one more hit, and rapper Captain Hollywood came back a few years later.
The song had been on #TOTP two weeks earlier, when the dancers were allowed a full stage for their routine. Works so much better.
"Have you seen her" - McHammer
McTunes reviewed this for Smash Hits.
(Starts swearing and shouting foul-mouthed abuse at the record player)
"This sort of tune gets played in nightclubs called Mr Smith's where people go wearing their nice suits, drink brown ale, and chat up women. Crap."
Readers of Smash Hits voted McHammer the Best Dance Act in that year's poll.
"So hard" - Pet Shop Boys
McTunes reviewed this for Smash Hits, too.
"You can tell a number one as soon as you hear it, can't you? They sound like they've been taking a leaf out of 808 State's book with that dance groove. Top bassline. If they put that out as an instrumental, it would be a dancefloor hit within weeks."
This might just be the quintissential Pet Shop Boys performance. No notes.
"Megamix" - Technotronic
A megamixymatosis of their four singles so far, including a thudding great beat clattering over "Rockin' over the beat". The video clips are, as best we remember, taken from the original clips.
All of this serves to keep the group in the public eye while there's a row over whether Mc Erik and Ya Kid K have actually been fired from the group, and whether it's smart to fire the pregnant Ya Kid K.
"Waiting for that day" was released as a single, and reviewed by Robert Smith of The Cure. He said,
"George is meant to be this sex symbol, but I've never met any woman who fancies him."
"Tunes splits the atom" - McTunes Versus 808 State.
Very symmetrical performance: four guys behind desks of computers, two young people in purple shell suits jumping up and down vigorously, one rapper in the middle.
While it's clear that McTunes is a very competent rapper, and an astute singles reviewer, I don't feel confident saying much more than that. Rap-with-bleeps was not my scene.
Breakers! "Body language" - The Adventures of Stevie V. Underwhelming follow-up to "Dirty cash".
"A little time" - The Beautiful South. They'll be in the studio next week, and I love the way Brianna and Dave are literally talking at cross-purposes.
"I've got you under my skin" - Neneh Cherry. From the Red Hot + Blue album for AIDS research. The song hasn't aged brilliantly, but that's fine - it was meant to be a call for action in [the Mystery Year, *some* of us keep up the kayfabe].
She'll be in the studio next week.
"Heaven" - The Chimes. Another excuse to squee over Pauline Henry's soulful vocals and the careful production from the rest of the band. Surprised this was a single, felt like album filler.
Guess what; they'll be in the studio next week!
"Blue velvet" - Bobby Vinton
He looks like Leo Sayer, tight curls and a smart shirt and a collar so large it'll give Harry Hill ideas.
The song was originally written in 1950 for Tony Bennett, recorded by Bobby in 1963, when it was a Billboard number one single.
Missed the chart over here, but gained a fresh audience after being used in an advert for Nivea cream. Makes a change from jeans.
"Show me heaven" - Maria McKee
How to have a hit:
1) Write a brilliant tune in one night.
2) Get it on a hit movie soundtrack.
3) Perform superbly on #TOTP
4) Soar from nowhere to number one
5) Get fans for life
6) Profit!!!
Far from her greatest song, and Maria's had a difficult relationship with it, but by gum is she brilliant.
"Spin the wheel (turtles get real)" - Hi Tek 3 Featuring Ya Kid K
Originally released at the start of the year as a rap-house song, it's now been included on the soundtrack to the forthcoming Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie and gained the paranthetical addition to the title.
The video is also re-shot, Ya Kid K stands up in a movie theatre and does her rap, to the annoyance of the patrons. Behind her, and taking up most of the time on our screens, are clips from the movie.
Our second #TOTP Mystery Year was 1990. Thanks for not giving it away, Simon.
More country follows on BBC4.
Tomorrow, BBC2 has Luciano Pavarotti night.
More of the same nonsense next week? You bet!
Whatever you're doing this week, have a great one!
Our group declare to be true