Was that too graphic?

I haven't slept for months, more than a year I've faced Mom's nightmares, Little Man's nightmares, my own nightmares waking me again and again - not being figurative

Add to that my hunger, Mom's hunger, Mom's fits of rage multiple times a day some from unaddressed trauma and sundowning and just generally being hangry

All this makes me really pissed when I hear some privileged (usually white) savior bitching about self induced "exhaustion" and minor inconveniences

Which that's a funny word cause just a few months ago my lack of housing and food security was called a "minor inconvenience" by yet another privileged asshole who claimed to "love" me

Here's the thing about love, everyone, it's not blind and unfounded - love comes from seeing and hearing and learning about another being - inherent worth is accepted and honors their autonomy and everything they carry with them

Love is not a veiled little toy to be given and taken away like a little tantrum

Love doesn't say "well you're no fun anymore, you make me think about suffering, sickness, poverty and death, that's scary"

I am fucking sick of cowards claiming to want liberation but continually making agreements with the Death Machine

I might be 4 days away from complete death by heat stroke after watching my #bunny and 73 yr old mother die the same way but I sure af am not going to keep agreeing to uphold #facism and generational trauma all coming from a fear of running out of food

Thousands of years of fear resulting in hoarding of every last fucking resource you have - that's #capitalism, that's #patriarchy, that's #colonialism, that's what eventually bred #facism

And as most of you #AntiBlack assholes especially white people have let the Machine devour your indigenous connection to other living beings and the earth itself you will keep agreeing to this cycle of death and fear and hoarding

"Oh no an Orange man might hurt me, better make my bomb shelter"

To be clear this isn't just about the fake little POS number that people believe has all the power in the world - this is not just about finances

There are so many resources that are hoarded that will never be advertised as valuable by #capitalism that are also hoarded or even frivolously discarded

Resources that unlike the consumerist SHIT piling up in "landfills" once used are gone for good like time, energy or emotional care

The more marginalized one becomes the more #AntiBlack based anti-values come pouring into your feed as you desperately beg to be humanized and treated as an autonomous living creature

"Oh THAT person, they're not working hard enough they're *lazy*"

"Forget them, they're too *stupid* to use govt aid" (nvm that colonializer govt is exactly why you're marginalized)

And the most disgusting thing is these ideas come veiled in unsolicited advice and other saviorism BS