Important men gather in an important room around an important table and discuss important things.

#Monsterdon

“That’s a tall order.”

We have no short orders here. Only tall ones.

#Monsterdon

No one talks like this. This dialogue was clearly written by AI.

#Monsterdon

The news man looks like Elvis.

#Monsterdon

Did the planet get really angry and kill the people on this rocketship?

#Monsterdon

Will the nurse get a speaking line?

#Monsterdon

If they remade this movie today, Toby Stephens would play the goatee guy.

#Monsterdon

“When I call you by name, you’ll know it.”

That sounds like a threat.

#Monsterdon

What time is it in Bulova?

#Monsterdon

Too bad they couldn’t afford a Cinemagic color display on the rocketship.

#Monsterdon

Are we about to finally see the Cinemagic?!

#Monsterdon

“Turn up the volume. I want to hear the music of the Marians.”

#Monsterdon

“With all that vegetation out there, something’s bound to be alive.”

Like…the vegetation.

#Monsterdon

Did Mars turn blue from one scene to the next?

The portholes had a red glow, and now, they have a blue glow.

#Monsterdon

These space suits don’t look very fun. I can’t in good conscious cross off that BINGO square.

#Monsterdon #MonsterdonBingo

Does he continue to call her “Irish” after she told him not to call her that?

#Monsterdon

Sam looks like he’s got on a Ghostbusters proton pack.

#Monsterdon

WE HAVE REACHED CINEMAGIC!

#Monsterdon

MOAR CINEMAGIC!

#Monsterdon

“All the indications of plant life, but hardly any chlorophyl.”

I’m not sure how she could tell that. Maybe it was the lack…of green.

#Monsterdon

It’s fun to make fun of this, but I’m actually enjoying the creativity with these “Cinemagic” shots.

#Monsterdon

“If I just point this gun-looking barrel at the plant, it will make a very loud beeping sound that will destroy the plant.”

#Monsterdon

It’s always the hubris of humans to consider everything else a “lower life form.”

#Monsterdon

“Women don’t have any monopoly on fear.”

This is about as far into feminism as a 1950s movie is willing to go.

#Monsterdon

They’re not on Mars. They’re in hell!

#Monsterdon

“How tall all those buildings?”

“Well, at least half a mile, I’d say.”

Still not using metric. Tsk tsk.

#Monsterdon

Poor Sam is consumed by…a gelatinous cube?

#Monsterdon

“I’m sure it’s a unicellular animal.”

The entire thing we just saw is ONE SINGLE CELL?!!!

#Monsterdon

“That’s it! Electric shock!”

“But how are you going to get to it to electrocute it?”

“I’ll just open the door, and show it my hairy chest.”

#Monsterdon

This annoying beep has nothing on my tinnitus.

#Monsterdon

“We, of the planet Mars, give you this warning. Please don’t land on that side of the lake. It is a horrible place to explore, with many deadly plants. You should not have landed there. Why did you not follow the warnings of the many signs we placed in orbit?”

#Monsterdon

I forget that telescopes in the 1950s didn’t have enough resolution to get a really good image of Mars, so these folks assumed it had…clam shells?…and dots?…on it.

#Monsterdon

Tom, put on a fucking shirt!

#Monsterdon

Ooooh. So, the Martian warning is the tropey and predictable, “Don’t come here or we will kill you.”

Bleh.

#Monsterdon

This closing credits music kind of slaps, though.

#Monsterdon

It’s almost like I expect a “what are they doing now” for the amoeba Martians.

#Monsterdon