I recently got a Rollator. It's a walker with wheels. It folds up and has a seat you can sit on. At work I don't need this mobility aide. At home, in the kitchen, I sometimes do. I have #POTs and Chronic Fatigue issues (not diagnosed with #ME , not sure I meet requirements fully) 2/

Yesterday I woke up feeling very low blood pressure. I knew I was off to a bad start when my standing heart rate was already 130 within the first 90 minutes of being awake. I had an enormous amount of kitchen labor to complete to get ready for a food delivery. I knew it was a #POTs flare. 3/

So after breakfast, with my heart rate still running high, I attempted, standing, (because I am stubborn) to get ready for the food delivery. This required me to handle frozen food blocks. (I use the Souper Cube method of meal prep as it's #MCAS friendly for me) 4/

So not only was I triggering my #Reynauds and I was also feeling light headed just standing up right, but I had to do a lot of bending forward and reaching. My body screamed NO at me. I had to use the rollator. 5/

So I brought the rollator into the kitchen, which is narrow. There's barely any room for it, and I sat down. This was terrible because the counter was too high for me to do this easily. So my arms are now way higher than they should be, and I still feel bad. 6/

I was forced to go lay down with my legs up. This is why I have an adjustable bed frame. I have all sorts of #accessibility aides I have accumulated over the last 5 years. 2019 was the start of a noticeable decline in my health that I've been fighting so hard to reverse as much as I can. 7/

I'm often embarrassed when I share things like this, because of the #Health Supremacy messaging in our industry (well, the entire wellness industry). This dehumanizing messaging we receive as disabled #wellness or #healthcare providers (I am both) causes me to feel ashamed that I'm still going. 8/

I know that stories like mine are important to hear, so I push through my discomfort to share. Especially now that over the last 5 years (or maybe more!) #healthcare in the #unitedstates continues to be gutted. It's a mockery of what could have been, if we had of had better leaders, choices.. 9/

In #Massage school, they tell you that "most of us do not last more than 3 years because the work is hard on our bodies, if you want to last longer than 3 years make sure you learn other modalities." That's what I did. I wanted to be in this for a long time. I'm almost 10 years in. 10/

My disabilities and other health challenges aren't because of my work. I've known several #MassageTherapists who have quit their practices and retired because of #EDS, #POTs, #MCAS, #LongCovid and other things like #Arthritis. I have almost all of these. (Hint: I don't have long covid). 11/

I've done several things to make my work accessible to me. This is a position that many disabled & working (or want to work) people can't do. We need support systems and structures for EVERYONE. 12/

Being able to sit whenever I need to at #work, having control over my working hours, and being able to clean my own air are all things that make working while #disabled possible for me. I am otherwise unemployable by others. 13/

However, being a #CCBiz and being committed to #CleanAir while wearing an #N95 still means that so few people want to come see me or support me. Many people want to see me fail. Many people want to see me harmed. They want people like me to be erased. #Eugenics /14

I don't have any other choice but to continue to try to make this work for me and the communities I serve. My out of pocket #MedicalCare costs are too high, but working as a W-2 will not work out for me. I make more money when I have work than I would at the local chain. /15

As a #CovidAware person with #MCAS and #MCS, I would have to fight really hard to have my #ADA rights respected. I couldn't have my clients as a W-2 wear masks. I couldn't always go outside to eat and socially distance. I did this before until it became too difficult and stressful. /16

I could never safely go back to being a W-2 in my current career. I really like what I'm doing and want to continue to do what I am doing. I work hard with the limitations I do have. I prioritize my rest. I'm always going to be #Disabled. My #MCAS & #POTs will never go away. /17

I have potential other comorbidities to look forward to having #hEDS, but for as long as I can safely work for myself, I'm not going to stop. I just need more work when I have the capacity for more work. It seems to always be a moving target. That's the part that really discourages me. /18