@evacide looking, but it's sometimes hard when you have extra requirements, like people not being a complete bag of dicks.
Or boring, jeebuz, can I hang with the class clowns instead of the overly-proud-to-be-accepted-into-Mensa set?
@evacide I'm on your side, but I don't buy that lawyering of the words. I don't know what would make a better saying, though. The original is implies seeking 'success' (narrowly defined), so I think we'd be better served by something else.
How about "if you're the best in the room, you're in the wrong room", leaving "best" undefined?
eva is talking about smart in terms of the topic of the room. you're speaking of smart in the more general sense of socially charismatic- the class clowns you speak of
so you will be gravitating to different rooms than eva. she wants to be with the folks you are labelling as boring (your mensa dig is off the mark here)
not that there's anything wrong with either of your approaches, just that you and eva have different goals here
Along the lines of Mensa, I had an ex girlfriend who was, truly, very intelligent. Super smart.
Whenever she met someone, within five minutes she would ask them if they had a master’s degree, because, you know, she did (if they did, she’d ask if it was in CS because that’s much harder to get than one in the humanities…)
At some point I realized that just because someone ticks all the boxes on the “what am I looking for in a partner” doesn’t mean you should be with them…
(My father was very similar. She was his favorite of my girlfriends. He likes my wife but mentioned at some point that one of my ex girlfriends got her doctorate and the other had a master’s…in my wife’s prescience…)
(My Grandmother, on the other hand…on her deathbed, years after I had broken up with that GF: “Rob, do you remember $EX?” “I do, Grandma. We broke up years ago.” “Good. I never cared for her.”)
I think a better way to think about it is to surround yourself with people you can lift and who lift you. The friend group I usually hang with has tons of back and forth because we all have our own interests. We share common values and some interests but we never run out of things to teach each other. We continue growing together. No one becomes the smartest. 
@evacide Excellent advice.
I’ve found that in reality, pretty much everyone has something to teach me, if I will just bloody listen and pay attention…
@slothrop
I am the quiet one in the room.
People don't think I am not smart because I don't say much. But I am hearing every word. Learning. Checking what people are saying and deciding if it people are talking for the sake of talking, but really they are full of BS, or if they know their stuff, Or willing to listen, learn and change their position.There are many people who should stop with the highly confident talking and just shut up and listen and learn.
Unfortunately it is the bullshiter, not the quiet listner that society rewards.
@SuperMoosie @evacide Yep, you’re right.
If I have sufficient control of the room, I always try to ask the quiet people for their views. “Hey, everyone else has already spoken - what do *you* think?”
Almost always, they have great input.
I'm closing in on being on the planet for 3/4 of a century. I've thought about a lot of things when entering said rooms, but if I had to count the number of times that included comparing my IQ to others, it would be in the single digits.
I've spent a lifetime specifically not wanting to do that very thing. I know 'my number', and I also know the incredible amount of knowledge I've gained from those who aren't near my supposed level of smart... and thankful that I've known them all.
@evacide some people mistake this with elitism or something adjacent to it (thus the comments about boring assholes and such...)
But it's actually about finding best spot for learning and bettering yourself. It's great to always be near someone who can teach you something new. It's also great have someone to measure yourself with - to motivate yourself.
To be the smartest person in the room is definition of being stagnant in your growth. And stagnation is a death of mind.
@evacide
If you are smartest person in the room there are multiple explanation what happened in this complex social system.
1. You send best social signals of "smart person" and majority of people interpret you that way.
2. You are not most competitive signal sender, but somehow you delusionally perceive yourself as smartest there. It's only you that make such a judgments.
3. People whose opinions you value perceive you as "smartest" and that is enough for you.
4. Are you even in the room?
@evacide goddammit
But I like that feeling
evacide
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