🅰🅻🅸🅲🅴 (🌈🦄)

You get exactly one of the following powers.

Choose wisely.

Detect all Blåhaj within 3 miles
1.2%
Cute lost socks appear in your dryer (clean)
0.9%
Takeout never spoils in your fridge
5.2%
Know definitively if a lesbian is into you
7.1%
All seats conform perfectly to your ass
3.6%
Know definitively if it's just a fart beforehand
2.3%
Always have amazingly minty fresh breath
3.5%
Can always unsay the last thing you said
16.6%
Cat's understand you perfectly
8.9%
Your bites are always endearing
1%
Always know any person's favorite food
2.5%
Can sleep 8 hours consistently
29.9%
A human always answers your phone calls
3%
Weekends feel longer than weekdays
12.8%
Everything tastes like butter to your enemies
1.5%
Poll ended at .
Jul 11 at 6:26pmWeb
Show threadGeorge BJul 11

@alice

The amount of leftovers I have thrown out because they were hidden behind something when I was hungry and looking in the fridge is too damn high for me to pick something else.

Show threadJulieRJul 11
@gbargoud @alice right? I'd never cook again.
Show threadMx. Eddie RJul 11
@alice
Oh that's tough, there are four or so I'd really go for? Maybe 5, if I can sneak in the lesbian one as a treat.
Show threadTanuki ( 貉 / タヌキ)Jul 11
@alice Calle me greedy but I want all.
Show threadIvanJul 11
@Tanuki @alice me too! 🤩
Show threadGrace Vulpes AlopexJul 11

@alice

it's against the rules, but rules were made to be broken anyways

all of the above!!!!!!

Show threadAgnieszka R. TurczyńskaJul 11
@alice That was easy. However, if the option had been "you perfectly understand what your cat says to you" , I'd have a decisive crisis 😁
Show threadMartin MarconciniJul 11
@alice I had to pick "food never spoils" because it's good for everyone, but detecting all the blahaj was very tempting...
Show threadLegally ZoéJul 11
@alice oh I only need the lesbian into you one, the rest are not even on the radar.
Show threadJoeJul 11
@hotkey @alice I already have that power (I am a man so I know that she is not into me).
Show threadRupert V/Jul 11
@not2b @hotkey @alice Ditto. Some guys don't turn theirs on. Weird, right?
Show threadecho ✨Jul 11

@alice i always know what my power is going to be

(but knowing if lesbians are into me would be great 🥺)

Show threadgkrnoursJul 11
@chaosexanima @alice if you know their favorite food, they will be into you
Show threadAaronJul 11
@alice This is a really tough one! There are so many that I would jump at the chance to have
Show threadAaronJul 11
@alice In the end, I had to go with 8 hours of sleep because it eliminates the need for several of the others.
Show threadDavid Penfold Jul 11
@alice Got to be the unsay thing for me.
Show threadChris SimpsonJul 11
@davep @alice I would prefer the opposite, to have said the thing that I thought of later in the kitchen while making a cuppa
Show threadMay Likes TorontoJul 11
@alice what if you already have one of these powers, do you get a second one?
Show threadMay Likes TorontoJul 11
@alice but then really, endearing bites are really more about intention than a power...
Show threadChris SimpsonJul 11
@alice but humans thrive on risk. Where's the fun in knowing what state of matter is currently chambered?
Show threadnitsa Jul 11
@alice I had to choose between lesbianism and a healthy sleep schedule. But then again, that's the choice I make every day and I always choose lesbianism, so...
Show threadJayneJul 11

@alice torn between lesbian crush detection and being able to bribe an army of cats into maybe doing some of my bidding...

But for the sake of the planet, the proletariat, and queer people everywhere, my enemies shall know nothing but the taste of butter until they change their wicked ways

Show threadMay Likes TorontoJul 11

@dotjayne I feel like it doesn't matter if the cat can understand us. Cat will do what cat wants to do.

@alice

Show threadJayneJul 11
@mayintoronto @alice yeah that's the Achilles tendon in my supervillain cat-whisperer origin story. Despite their natural anarchist tendencies, I'm not sure there's enough wet food and time in the day to convince enough cats that smashing the state is just like knocking a really big glass off a really high shelf
Show threadEmily_SJul 11

@dotjayne @mayintoronto @alice

"Oh no, don't worry, I'm not going to complain if you bite that guy. Feel free to use all your claws too if you like. Heck I'll move the pillow into the sunny spot on the stairs if you do"

Show threadSin VegaJul 11
@mayintoronto @dotjayne @alice it's true. If anything, a cat that can understand you would act even worse
Show threadCaliJul 12

@dotjayne @alice Wow, dang that’s almost the same reasoning I used in my decision … except I didn’t pick butter.

I went with the verbal undo. Save so many interactions from misunderstandings.

Show threadMallory's Musings & MischiefJul 11

@alice as someone with consistently erratic sleep, being able to sleep for 8 hours every night would be a godsend.

Well... assuming that I would also wake up feeling well rested lol

Show thread(❍ᴥ❍ʋ) ᚦᛟᚱᚾJul 11
@alice as a person with chronic stomach issues that fart one hits hard. 😂
Show threadpiku    minor!Jul 11
@alice truly shocked that i am the only endearing bite voter
Show thread/dev/anita Jul 11
@alice shape shift isn’t on here the list is wrong /s
Show threadMoosey  🇨🇦Jul 11
@alice
Damn, those are some tough choices...
Show threadkwayk42Jul 11

@alice as a culinary and anxious host, knowing what to cook would be bomb

But then there's the sleep thing, and the blahaj

Show threadPassengerJul 11

@alice

Cats already understand me perfectly. They just don't care about what I have to say.

Show threadMarc "Anarchy" GodinJul 11
@alice Not that I think it will make any difference at all to how they behave, I would like cats to understand me perfectly, please.
Show threadMarc "Anarchy" GodinJul 11
@alice (they must know how elegant and handsome and beautiful I think they are, they simply must)
Show threadAlex   Jul 11

@alice I vote to be the cat whisperer, even though a human answering my phone sounds so tempting

Meow 

Show threadpoweredbylemonx | 🍋🌩️Jul 11
@alice a few I hesitated on, but sleeping 8 hours would be life changing
Show threadLisa 🦔Jul 11

@alice I suspect a bad fae bargain with the weekend feeling longer than the week because too much wtf stuff happened. 🤨

So I’m going with perfect butt hugging seats. I can deal with a lot of stuff if I always have a perfect place to execute a bisexual perch.

Show threadPieRatJul 11

@mycrowgirl @alice

Set out some sugar or a piece of tasty candy, and welcome the fae to have it... as a benefit of good will!

And yes, it works.

When you start hearing happy little chattering you'll definitely know it's working!

And you can also pour a small drink like wine or whiskey or something tasty too. But watch out.. they too can get drunk. And you DONT want drunk fae :P

Show threadSpycrabJul 11
@alice cats already know what I say
Show threadWhitney McNamaraJul 11
@alice Some of the options don't exactly map to my experience, but my big question is on the butter one: is my enemies always tasting butter a *bad* thing, or am I being kind to them?
Show threadSean FenianJul 11
@alice Eight hours of reliable good sleep and always-consistently-comfortable chairs are hell to choose between. But these days, "A human always answers your phone calls" would be a superpower.
Show threadParade du Grotesque 💀Jul 11

@alice

Sleep 8h.

No contest. Anyone who voted for anything else is deluded.

I have spoken.

Show threadLatte macchiato  Jul 11
@ParadeGrotesque @alice You probably already can sleep 8 hours consistently though
You just don't do it
Show threadkitJul 11
@alice
I quite like the idea of a cat who understands you always answers your phone calls. Or a seakitten.
Show threadZoé Cassiopée ✨Jul 11
@alice I misread one as "Always have amazingly minty fire breath" 🔥 and it started to look like a good one
Show threadlj·rk @WHY2025Jul 11
@alice Am I disclosing my skeleton's effective age by having a hard time deciding b/w lesbians, cats... and the seat? :'-D
Show threadStarkRGJul 11
@ljrk @alice I suspect always knowing when it's a fart becomes significantly more appealing as we age. That and everlasting perfect bladder control.
Show threadViolet PixelJul 11
@alice

choose: weekends feel longer than weekdays i.e. weekdays become smaller

why would someone want a human to answer the phone? i hate calling
Show threadWeibchenJul 11
@alice I feel seen!
Show threadCorvid CroneJul 11

@alice

Yo, when I did laundry in a laundromat, I always ended up with other people's single socks.

I already have that superpower, lol

Show threadCorvid CroneJul 11

@alice and my cats already understand what I say. One of them just doesn't care (she decided that my spouse is her preferred human - her favorite human is always the tallest quiet person in the room).

Sometimes, my big cat understands what I say when I feel like he shouldn't be able to 👀

Show threadveaJul 11
@alice a human always answering phone calls would’ve probably saved me a month of my life at this point, esp post name change
Show threadClemens aka dataJul 11
@alice > Cats understand you perfectly
I'm pretty sure I've already mastered that skill, they just don't listen.
Show threadGeoff CoffeyJul 11
@alice I chose the lesbian one because my life is perfect and I didn't want to risk a butterfly effect situation.
Show threadstephaniepixie 🏳️‍🌈Jul 11

@alice I think people underestimate the power of having a seat fit perfectly (especially as one gets older and has an achy body).
As someone who has to sit a lot because of pain I can say that it’s hard to find the perfect seat comfort.

I almost chose the sleep but I’ve managed so far with disrupted sleep so I want my waking life to be more comfortable.

I also considered knowing if a lesbian is into me but then I recalled knowing that about someone I didn’t want that attention from and I’d rather not know.

Loner butt comfort for the win!

Show threadKevin DavyJul 11
@alice
And now we will get to see how many of us are sleep deprived 😊