@GottaLaff I keep offering to buy his shares to spare him this misery. I have a shiny new $1 bill. Come on, Elon. I know you're reading this because it's about you. What is peace of mind worth to you? I'll throw in a vintage, auction-quality, highly appraised prosperity meditation tape from the 80's, absolutely free! Focus on the freedom that not owning Tesla would bring! This offer won't last long! Act now, before it's too late!
BTW, if we all chipped in $2000, mastodon could buy Twitter back. I don't know what Tesla is worth, but soon it will be roughly equivalent to a ham sandwich. If we bought that, we could rebrand it as Mastodon Motors and add radar and lidar so we're not plowing into grannies pushing shopping carts, random fire engines, or abruptly running off the road into someone's house because a camera hallucinated a shadow into an imaginary tree in the road.
Horses are safer than a Tesla. At least, if they buck, there will be no problem with the doors and windows unexpectedly becoming inoperable.
"But not the redesigned 2026 Mastodon! We took the doors off because we're completely unhinged!" - a future ad
Promise me that I get to write all of the ad copy!