Vayl Larkin (they/them)May 17
Jax UK

I’m a 50 year old woman, but it doesn’t seem that long ago I was a very pretty teen girl becoming aware of the looks from older men.

Men looked at me until well into my 40’s, until I became invisible to them. I’m so glad I did! This isn’t about that.

Lately I’ve noticed men looking again. I don’t like it and never wanted it. I noticed because we do. Then I realised, they are not looking at me but my 14 year old daughter beside me.

I want to gouge out their eyes.

May 17 at 8:33pmWeb
Show threadRuth MottramMay 17
@JaxVent yep. Same.
Show threadYvonne ‘looks undocumented’May 17

@JaxVent I remember when my youngest daughter was that age. I’d be driving, my daughter and her friend would be in the back seat, chatting as only 13-14 yo’s can.

A driver would pull up next to us (in a truck, perhaps) and leer at them.

It’s never OK for men to prey on teen girls!

Show threadstephaniepixie 🏳️‍🌈May 17
@JaxVent Ugh. Thats the age I remember getting my first lewd comment about my body as I walked past a man waiting at a bus stop. And I looked younger than my 14 years. Gross.
Show threadMWTMay 17
@JaxVent
Dear Men of the World,
This is your cue to teach your sons to not do that.
Show threadJax UKMay 17
@mwt
It’s really not that hard (dear men) just model what respecting women/girls and not being a creep looks like. Your sons will follow and your daughters will settle for no less!
Show threadSylvhemMay 17
@JaxVent I want to puke.
Show threadPurpleMay 17
@JaxVent I want to assist you.
Show threadBenzo KazooieMay 17
@JaxVent Men like that give men like me a bad name. Burn them with fire. 🤨
Show thread`Da ElfMay 17

@benjamincox @JaxVent I'll bring the High Octane and some flares.

- Raised by a single mom, she'd kill me for that shit.

Show threadMatilda LoveMay 17
@JaxVent i'll help you bury the eyeballs
Show threadNoodlemazMay 17
@JaxVent started before 13 for a lot of us too.
Show threadGary Parker May 17
@JaxVent similar but different perspective: 50yr old guy here, thought I was (bafflingly) getting a lot more attention from young women in the last year or so. Embarrassingly realised it was my 16yo son they were checking out 🙄
Show threadJax UKMay 17

@WiteWulf

Similar but very different. Probably a lot less regular and a lot less risky.

Show threadGary Parker May 17
@JaxVent 100% 👌
Show threadNonya Bidniss May 17
@JaxVent It really is a relief when you finally get old enough they stop the bullshit. A huge relief.
Show threadKaren E. Lund 💙💛May 18

@Nonya_Bidniss @JaxVent Monday afternoon I was waiting at a bus stop when I was catcalled by some guys driving by. Late 20s, I'd guess, although I didn't get a good look.

I was returning home from a walk in a local park, wearing knee-length shorts (purchased in men's department) and a loose t-shirt. Not at all sexy.

I am in my 60s.

There is no "old enough."

There are times I would willingly be disfigured if I believed even that would make it stop.

Show threadMeznor 🇨🇦🇮🇹🇪🇺May 17
@JaxVent this is silly but there's this scene in 1883 (a Yellowstone prequel) where the 18-year old daughter of the patriarch pulls a pistol on a man glowering at her. Later, her dad is trying to understand what she was thinking, how reckless it was, and she says, "Men don't know how to read that look. Only know how to give it." It stays with me.
Show threadCheapPontoonMay 17

@JaxVent
There’s actually some pretty useful advice in the Bible.

- I have made a covenant with my eyes;
            How then could I gaze at a virgin?

Job 31

Show threadSponge Of TruthMay 17
@JaxVent That is deeply disturbing.😕
Show threadKevin Karhan May 17
@JaxVent understandable...
Show threadJoy_intlMay 17
@JaxVent Mama bear here in solidarity with you.
I have 2 beautiful daughters - 1 just turned 16, the other 13..
It is sooooo hard not to knee some men in the nuts.
Show threadRobot DiverMay 18

@JaxVent

It started at 13 for me.

Show threadRobot DiverMay 18

@JaxVent

Cutting off my long blonde locks and approaching 50 is fantastic.

Show threadpeachfiend - they/them 🏳️‍⚧️May 18
@JaxVent
gouging is absolutely permitted in these circumstances. you can gouge away if you want to.
Show threadJeffandthekidMay 18
@JaxVent :)
Show threadWouterMay 18

@JaxVent I have 2 beautiful daughters from 18 and 20. Last time I was with them in public transport and another man was looking at them. The water was literally ran out of his mouth. Then I caught his gaze and looked at him so angrily that he ashamedly averted his gaze.

But I know that with the next young girl(s) he gets in his sights, he will look the same way again.

Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't have just stood up and slapped him. Whether he would have unlearned then?

Show threadJax UKMay 18

@FediWouter

I’m not fond of violence but I think in this case it would be justified!

Show threadWouterMay 18
@JaxVent the same for me. But it was so disgusting. His way of looking. The girls were saying to me: papa, just stay calm. They noticed too my angry looks. They said too: this happens all the time.
Show threadJax UKMay 18

@FediWouter

They know you had their back and trust me, that means a lot ☺️

Show threadJustRosy 🇺🇦May 18

@JaxVent Get her pepper spray and teach her to talk in a gruff voice and to command that if they have no other business where they are standing, then they're going to need to leave her alone.

That may sound weird and stupid, but I can personally attest that it has worked for me. They'll assume that she's either butch or trans and will realize that she's not what they're looking for. If she treats them as if she has a loaded gun in her pocket, they'll back off.

Another thing that has worked for me is keeping pepper spray attached to a keychain in my pocket. When a man gives me trouble, I pull that out but let it hang down at my side. It's a passive-aggressive threat that works. They back off and start being super nice to me, then walk away.

Sad that they're only respectful toward toughness and weapons, and have no respect for women just being our real selves. That is reality though, and your daughter needs to understand that much. Toughen her up early. It'll save her life.

Show threadThumpermatMay 18

@JaxVent I am a 61 years old man happily married for 30 years, but if I see beauty I look and smile without having any lustful thoughts. For me it is acknowledging that beauty.

I guess I must be in a very small minority 😔

Show threadJax UKMay 18

@Thumpermat

Please stop.

You may not have any lustful thoughts, but I gaurantee you are making those girls/women uncomfortable.

It's not your place to rate or acknowledge the beauty of strange women and girls. Just stop it.

Show threadJayMay 18
@Thumpermat @JaxVent That’s nice. Maybe do that to birds and cats and sunsets and not young girls who have no way of knowing your intentions.
Show threadThumpermatMay 18
@WhiteCatTamer @JaxVent Fair enough. I don’t do that to young girls anyway. And I am sorry that looks today do mean aggression.
Show threadJax UKMay 18

@Thumpermat @WhiteCatTamer

Its not 'today'. Men have always looked at girls and women as if we are there just for them to look at, and it has always made us feel uncomfortable. We're just not tolerating it anymore.

Show threadoftencalledcathyMay 18
@JaxVent https://mastodon.ie/@oftencalledcathy/114530040282852647
oftencalledcathy (@oftencalledcathy@mastodon.ie)

My Mam had a super withering stare for any man who looked at me for more than one second when I was a young teenager I found the same thing useful with my own daughter and now it against anyone who tries to patronise me

mastodon.ie
Show threadCederbsMay 21
@JaxVent The thing that’s always disturbed me is I got harassed in public more frequently from the ages of 10-18 more than I ever have as an adult, and many others I know have agreed with that observation