evacideSo much of cybersecurity is "We must secure the Orphan Crushing Machine so that unauthorized people do not crush the orphans," and not "Why the fuck are you building an Orphan Crushing Machine in the first place?"
Matt Blaze@evacide You'll change your tune next time you crave a nice cold glass of orphan juice.
@mattblaze Without the Orphan Crushing Machine, we will have to crush the orphans by hand and their juice will be three times as expensive.
Ozzelot@evacide @mattblaze Maybe someone will build a small wifi-connected orphan crushing machine for the home! One which will be fully replaceable by squeezing the expensive proprietary orphans by hand anyway, but shh, you definitely want your own OCM.
Orphanero(tm): Order yours today or we'll go out of business. Please.
Orphanero(tm): Order yours today or we'll go out of business. Please.
4bzI'll hold out till we have a FOSS Orphan Crushing Machine
Que@4bz @ozzelot @evacide @mattblaze I bought the orphan crushing attachment to my kitchenaid, but it still wants to be connected to the Internet
@BabblingGeek @ozzelot @evacide @mattblaze
Should have gone aftermarket!
Luka Rubinjoni@4bz @BabblingGeek @ozzelot @evacide @mattblaze I can't wait for The Orphan Crushing Machine to start popping up in AI slop, after being scraped off the fedi.
Ives@ozzelot @evacide @mattblaze Does it come with a subscription that weekly delivers fresh orphans to the home?
@ives @evacide @mattblaze Of course it does! For the casual user, the price per orphan ends up higher than if you actually only bought an orphan every now and then as a treat, not to mention the privacy implications and their complete control over the quality and available types of orphans, but oh boy, it's so convenient!
@ives @evacide @mattblaze I can't do that, you must submit your application through our instance of the Torment Nexus.
Projektionsyta
Julie Webgirl
Wren Reilly@juliewebgirl @projektionsyta @evacide @mattblaze
The Orphan Crushing Guild would collapse if we automated orphan crushing. I get my products from union shops, thanks.
MistyCherry
Tero Hänninen@evacide @mattblaze easy now or someone will offshore the Orphan Crushing Machine and then we’ll have Orphan Crushing Supply-Chain security to worry about as well!
@0xtero @mattblaze There is now a 104% tariff on imported crushed orphans but that's ok because we will go back to crushing American orphans in America, like God intended.
Matt@evacide @0xtero @mattblaze are you mad, it will take us ten years to build the tooling needed to crush orphans at the current scale of imported orphan crushers!
Rachel Rawlings@evacide @mattblaze Omelas organic orphan juice (not from concentrate)
Mardoch@evacide @mattblaze juicero for kids!
I am Jack's Lost 404The Juicero for Billionaires (elite undersea edition) was a great proof of concept... now we just need to scale it...
WulfyYou lack vision !!!.
We need to build Parent Crushing Machines to provide a stead supply of Orphans for the Orphan crushing machine!
A Flock of Beagles@evacide @mattblaze@federate.social
what if Russians put fluoride in the water to steal orphans' precious bodily fluids?
@mattblaze @evacide this was the exact kind of dark joke I needed today. Thank you
Matt Hall
George Dinwiddie@evacide
"But crushing orphans makes more space for MY family!"
"But crushing orphans makes more space for MY family!"
Jordan (has moved)@evacide Something something 'can' something something 'should' ☹️
Pteryx the Puzzle Secretary@evacide Especially relevant in the face of the whole Signal chat scandal. It's hard to get much closer to an orphan-crushing machine than a large military.
GreyCat, Red Mage
Chuckles ❤️🇪🇺🏳️⚧️🇺🇦❤️
Evan Light@evacide You're not allowed to ask the "Why the fuck" question because it would undermine just so much of Silicon Valley.
Remember: we're *all* making the world a better place. 
a fish named dog 🎗️✡️♾️@evacide Well...er...listen...er...it's an...er...SOME ORPHANS JUST NEED TO BE CRUSHED, OKAY? Like people who ask questions.
fedward 
@evacide it’s not like Palantir didn’t tell us exactly who they were when they named their company “Palantir.”
FoolishOwl
ASalazar 
Jason Bellew,💻🤠🏳️🌈🐻❄️🖖🏻@evacide This is the exact plot line of Prime Target on Apple+.
🇺🇦 haxadecimal@evacide
Don't be absurd. We obviously can't create a proper Torment Nexus without a steady supply of Orphan Crushing Machines.
Don't be absurd. We obviously can't create a proper Torment Nexus without a steady supply of Orphan Crushing Machines.
What you’re referring to as Torment Nexus, is in fact, Orphan_Crushing/Torment_Nexus, or as I’ve recently taken to calling it, Torment Nexus Plus Orphan Crushing. Torment Nexus is not a political system unto itself, but rather another free component of a fully functioning Orphan Crushing system made useful by Orphan Crushing policy libraries, lax workplace safety laws, and a weakened social safety net comprising a full dystopia.
Robrab
BashStKid
George Jones@evacide Personal agency? Independent thought? Moral judgements? Do those fit into the policy framework?
Joxe Rojas 🥐
@evacide "oh, come on! If we don't build it ourselves, someone else will!" 🤷🏻♂️
🙄
B O
Nate Allen@evacide I don't understand infosec people that are still willing to work for this government or their various contractors. Oh hell no. I mean, people need jobs but there is this whole "actively supporting evil" thing.
MeShell
wall-e / Daniel@evacide yeah seems like all the little cyberpunk nerds grew up to be filthy Corpos :(
Kevin Becker 
@evacide that’s a question for the business to answer, I’m just here to secure the machine
Wren Burchettdystopian novel: “don't build an orphan crushing machine”
corporation: “we built the orphan crushing machine from this dystopian novel!”
Ashwin DixitCome on now, we're the geeks.
We gives our boss what it seeks.
The "why" is beyond our pay-grade.
All we want is to get paid.
Ours not to wonder why.
Be meek, and don't even try.
Ours just to thrill and chill.
Code meditation, while sitting still.
We ain't tryna Kill Bill.
We just wanna pay our bills.
rakoo@evacide
"We must secure the Orphan Crushing Machine so that unauthorized people don't know we're crushing the orphans"
Looking at you open source messenger protocol
"We must secure the Orphan Crushing Machine so that unauthorized people don't know we're crushing the orphans"
Looking at you open source messenger protocol
Steve Holden
Chris Del Rosario ☕️@evacide how do we properly secure a baby in a rollercoaster… haha
Humphrey Archer@evacide
Yah, and there are literally whole books written on this "single loop" vs "double loop" thinking. But somehow we still don't do it.
Yah, and there are literally whole books written on this "single loop" vs "double loop" thinking. But somehow we still don't do it.
MisterMultiverse@evacide confirmed
@evacide orphan crushing is the worst form of government there is, apart from all the rest.
Sigh.
Sigh.
Chris Farris @evacide Crushing them by hand is expensive and doesn't enhance shareholder value.
Because it's needed for OCaaS.
Jaypee