PatternChaser
Evan Light@PatternChaser @pathfinder As newly diagnosed, /subscribe.
Still getting accustomed to unmasking. Trying to find that balance between Honesty and Asshole/Unmasked.
Trying hard to get a therapist who is AuDHD, as a touchstone.
@PatternChaser @pathfinder May also want to add @ actuallyautistic@a.gup.pe
I would just say this: I don't think "Asshole" and "Unmasked" belong together.
Remember that when NTs say "rude" or "arrogant" about us and our language communication, it's that they don't understand honesty. Why would they? In NT communication, honesty does not feature. Only the usual misdirections, implications, and other forms of lying (dishonesty) that accompany NT speech.
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@PatternChaser @pathfinder Yet there is a felt impact when my honesty is grumbled negativity about something that matters to someone else. It causes fear leading to pain. That pain tends to be returned to me in kind.
Another perspective: I grew up with an extremely negative and critical parent who almost certainly has undiagnosed autism. I would never want for others the harm that he did to me.
And, so, while I understand your point, I can only accept it in part.
Put another way, I don't see being autistic as license to say whatever goes through my mind aloud without taking responsibility for the harm those words cause.
There is an element here of misunderstanding the way autists speak (i.e. use language). We often fail to conform to NT social conventions...
But I take your point. Outside of meltdowns and the like, we must all take full responsibility for what we say, and the effects it has.
@PatternChaser @pathfinder I wouldnt be at all surprised that it's my misunderstanding. I'm still new to this. Tough figuring it all out at 51. I feel child-like and not in a fun way.
Yes, it's difficult at first. Everything is so ... unfamiliar. I did it myself, 7 years ago, starting at age 63. I had already retired...
But don't be embarrassed about feeling "child-like", it's only natural. You've just made a fundamental discovery about yourself, and like a child, you have a lot to learn about your new world.
There are good things to learn, as well as not-so-good.
Welcome to our dance! 😀
@PatternChaser My guidelines are (not consciously but consistently):
- #Clarity: be deliberate in my word choice
- #Calmness: don't raise my voice
- #Kindness: attempt to minimize violence in my communication
- #Curiosity: seek to understand
The latter three are challenging when shame or embarrassment is present. Finding a lot of this as a newly diagnosed autistic.
@PatternChaser Oh! Sorry. Honesty is so fundamental to me so as to be entirely implicit. So, yes, I very much do.
Goiterzan/Amygdalai Lama@PatternChaser
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never get anywhere with an attitude like that, as we used to say at work. 😈 💜
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yeah, same
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never get anywhere with an attitude like that, as we used to say at work. 😈 💜
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yeah, same
@punishmenthurts Would I be right to observe that the people you "work" with are focussed on profit and nothing else? That one should simply do whatever is necessary to maximise financial gain?
No morals. No care or consideration for others. No ... decency. 😢
#Capitalism has already destroyed our world, I fear. It's just that we haven't noticed it. Yet...