dreieck

(½)

Does, as alternative to commercial #dating platforms, something like a #fediverse instance or other #noncommercial/ not-centrally-owned platform aimed at finding people for private connections exist which is #usable [s. reply]?

By "dating" I mean: Not limited to (but not excluding either) #romantic or #sexual encounters, but also to find #friends‍hips, "#platonic"/‍#aromantic #relationships, #buddies for #activities, etc.

And I wish openness for #queer‍ness, #nonbinary, #agender, #lgbt* etc.

Mar 9, 2025 at 2:34pmWeb
Show threaddreieckMar 9, 2025

(2/2)

From the #datingplatform‍s I know, the only "usable" I find is #Romeo because there it is possible to #browse profiles and to some extent to text based #search (#OkCupid went the road of #enshittification already years ago). However this is mainly #male and #gay (in the past it has been this explicitly), although they advertise for general #queerness.

Show threaddreieckMar 9, 2025
(e.g. like "#BeWelcome.org" is an #hospitality‍#network that by design cannot (easily) be centrally owned.)
Show threaddreieckMar 9, 2025

By "#usable" I mean that you can #browse #profiles (instead of just beeing presented with what the #algorithm thinks you might be interested in, is profile text centred (and not picture centred), #search for #profile #text items, just be able to (send and) receive #messages even if I have not "liked back", ... -- #alovoa actually is pretty #unusable as I find it)

A #nonfederated #mastodon instance e.g. :-).

Show threadHarald GeyerMar 31, 2025

@dreieck Depending on your needs this is either trivial or impossible ... ;-)

Trivial netiquette based solution:
1️⃣ Let's use DatingLocation hash tags like #DatingVienna for posts expressing interest. Optionally with prefix to be more specific like #GayDatingBayern.
2️⃣ Any (private) contact attempts should be direct replies to this post, so that outdated information can be easily edited/deleted.

It's trivial to follow/search the hash tags and for everybody else to filter unwanted content. 1/2

Show threadHarald GeyerMar 31, 2025

@dreieck Of course your dating "profile" then is public information with all the issues this entails. People going that way will need to think before they post.

On the up side, even people without a profile can search hash tags. The inclusion of very vulnerable or privacy aware persons, that can't create a profile even at closed sites, actually improves.

I don't think you can have a distributed system, that protects the privacy of profiles. And who is going to trust dating-only accounts? 2/2

Show threaddreieckMar 31, 2025

@haraldgeyer

> Of course your dating "profile" then is public information with all the issues this entails.

You can also make it non-federated and readable with account only, which would resemble the access model in hospitality platform "BeWelcome" or dating platform "Romeo". Of course then it is not fediverse anymore in the sense of "federated" ... Hm.

Thanks for your replies, anyway!

Show threadHarald GeyerMar 31, 2025

@dreieck That's true.
However, I'm not sure how much such an instance actually helps:
To considerably deter malicious parties (bots, hate crime groups etc) there would need to be some elaborate registration checks in place. But if you limit it to some trusted peer group, the usefulness goes down as well.

After all, online dating IS about meeting strangers. It's the vetting of members, that non-commercial entities have trouble with. Not running some software service.

Show threaddreieckMar 31, 2025

@haraldgeyer Hm, #BeWelcome and #Romeo also do not have "elaborate registration checks" (Email suffices).

But at leat BeWelcome has a safety team and a moderation team you can report to.

Another Hm ... ...

Show threadHarald GeyerMar 31, 2025

@dreieck Hm, I just read up on these services on wikipedia. It seems, they do require mailing an ID, review new profiles after registration etc. The ~60 employees of Romeo probably are not for nothing.

Still I have to agree with you. A big enough non-profit organization could run such a service just like a commercial entity.

But it sure is a daunting task and would those, who care, even trust such a big centralized entity - commercial or not?