LRRR 
TO SEE WHAT ALL THE HYPE IS ABOUT, I, TOO, WILL FUCK A COUCH.
DO YOU APPLY SCOTCHGARD BEFORE OR AFTER?
I GOT A SAUSAGE PIZZA AND A PLUNGER BECAUSE I HAVE STUDIED HUMAN PROCREATION HABITS. I'M CULTURALLY SENSITIVE.
OK, I HAVE PRINTED OUT A PICTURE OF MY WIFE'S FACE AND TAPED IT TO THE COUCH. I HAVE DRAFTED AN APOLOGY TO SCANHOME. I HAVE SEWING SUPPLIES AT THE READY.
YOU LOOK, UH, VERY... UPHOLSTERED.
SO, BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY THIS *NEVER* HAPPENS TO ME, BUT THIS LITERALLY NEVER HAPPENS TO ME.
I BLAME THE COUCH. IT JUST SAT THERE.
LAUREN@LRRRonEarth That was your job
ADHDeanASL@LRRRonEarth Being that you’re an ambush predator, would it help if the couch had a flight response?
paulA hammock
Cat West@LRRRonEarth Not your fault. You were enticed… by the couch
(moved)Galbinus Caeli 🌯@LRRRonEarth "Sitting there" is not "enthusiastic consent"
@SkipHuffman IMPORTANTLY, NOTHING ACTUALLY HAPPENED. JUST ME AND MY FLACCID OVIPOSITOR SITTING ON AN AWKWARDLY SLASHED SECTIONAL.
matthew green@LRRRonEarth an epidemic of couch sitters
geekdolanMore cushion for the pushin'
Obsolete@LRRRonEarth
It’s just asking for it
It’s just asking for it
Queen Of Coffee@LRRRonEarth maybe you'd prefer a loveseat instead of a sectional.
@QueenOfCoffee I THINK I'D PREFER MY WIFE, NDND, THE THICKEST, NASTIEST SPACE QUEEN IN THE GALAXY.
@QueenOfCoffee NOTHING CUTS IT AFTER THAT.
for a day, while . . . 🗽But does the Space Queen let you lie on her watching tv all evening?
@LRRRonEarth aren't you afraid she'll bite your head off after mating?
@IanAMartin HAS MOVED!@LRRRonEarth Before is better, but you should wait until it dries first, otherwise you may find yourself permanently part of the seat cushions.
M.S. Bellows, Jr.@LRRRonEarth Ha ha funny joke. We all know that Omicronians *ejaculate* Scotch-Gard.
Edelruth, PBS Passport HolderAfter, when it's too late, obviously.
Didnt know I needed it before, duh!
Happy Sunday, LRRR 🌞
Al (not AI) SparkmanJust spitballing here . . . but what if they made scotchgard in the form of some kind of, say, a sheath that you put on before, then took off after. Seems tidy, somebody get on it.
Eric True@cgsines @LRRRonEarth I didn't see the context and also I thought you meant Scotch-Brite which I'm thinking would not make a person popular
Jess Perkins@LRRRonEarth Are you talking about the couch?
@starkos THIS WHOLE BUSINESS IS VERY CONFUSING TO ME. BUT I AM OPEN TO SUGGESTIONS.
IN RETROSPECT, THE COUCH SHOULD HAVE TOPPED ME.
SallyTAB@LRRRonEarth which one of you has more cushion for the pushin’?
@sallyTAB THE COUCH HAS, LIKE, 8 CUSHIONS.
Zalasur 🐸🇺🇦@LRRRonEarth For you I would recommend a wuv seat
@LRRRonEarth Photos or it didn't happen.
Wild Eyed Boy From Freecloud@LRRRonEarth Jizzed Davenport Vance would be proud.
Mat BI misread this as Coach. Started worrying for the wellbeing of @CoachMark 😱
(No offence meant, I'm sure you are a sensitive and generous intergalactic lover).
Doug 🌈🇨🇦 
@LRRRonEarth
It's unseating
It's unseating
OldAndCranky@LRRRonEarth thank you for your investigative reporting.
Coyoty@LRRRonEarth Some people think couches were made for laying.
OtownKim