@flora If you are tech-savy and want to setup your own #Mail, #Matrix, and #XMPP server—since all of them are federated protocols—you may check out #Uberspace:
https://manual.uberspace.de/firstday-newbies/

There are even different software options for both of the latter technologies. Search the #Uberlab to find them: https://lab.uberspace.de/search/?q=matrix
https://lab.uberspace.de/search/?q=xmpp

Any further questions should go to @ubernauten