Mastodawn

my new burger restaurant concept is inspired by modern software. the options for mayo are "yes" and "maybe later", and if you pick maybe later, the chef stands at your table with a squeezy bottle, threatening to add mayo to your burger when you least expect it

Baral'heia Stormdancer ΘΔ🐲Apr 6, 2024

@Ninji *looms over you menacingly with a squeeze bottle of mayo*

Selden Apr 6, 2024

@baralheia @Ninji Do I defend my burger and risk having mayo on me around a hungry dragon...

@Ninji Of course, if it was *really* like modern software, it'd be a bottle of dirt slurry, not mayo
-F

Alexis Apr 6, 2024

@Hearth @Ninji Oh, don't worry so much, it meets the minimum definition of mayo! 🙃

veetee Apr 6, 2024

@LexYeen minimum viable mayo
@Hearth @Ninji

William Hamilton Apr 6, 2024

@Ninji “You have requested mustard on your Bozo Burger. You may also be interested in Bozo Sauce, sriracha, and boysenberry jam on your Bozo Burger. Click ‘Cancel’ to disengage overrides on Bozo Sauce, sriracha, and boysenberry jam on your Bozo Burger, or click ‘Undo’ to reverse disengagement of overrides on Bozo Sauce, sriracha, and boysenberry jam on your Bozo Burger.”

SuperMoosie Apr 6, 2024

@Beltliner403 @Ninji
Clicks 'Cancel' to get rid of auto addition of sauce.

'Burger order cancelled
Since we have started cooking your burger we still have to priceed with charging you in accordance with out TOS'

ChrisAshtear Apr 6, 2024

@Ninji mr mayonaise?

https://youtube.com/shorts/UdXLQVu6mqY?feature=shared

Bevor Sie zu YouTube weitergehen

MrMozz Apr 6, 2024

@Ninji too late. Mr. Mayonnaise beat you to it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozQo4QHuElI

Mr Mayonnaise - Animated

YouTube

Vlad 🇺🇦🦀Apr 6, 2024

@Ninji @drakulix our chef and 876 partner chefs may add mayo to your burger unless you manually untick the opt-in for all of them

@vladimir_lu @Ninji @drakulix for ebery single chef seperately OFC and that option is only available to #EU citizens and residents... Everyone else gets forcibly subscribed to a trial month of *unlimited mayo as a service...
https://neurodifferent.me/@dpnash/112222417914650568

David Nash (@dpnash@neurodifferent.me)

@Ninji@wuffs.org Because you selected “*maybe* later”, the restaurant interpreted this as “yes, please sign me up for a trial of Lots of Mayo as a Service” (a.k.a. “Mucho MaaS”), using the credit card you gave them when buying your first burger from them 8 years ago. A week later you are charged $29.99 for your first month of Mucho MaaS before you realize what had happened.

Neurodifferent Me

Schaf Apr 6, 2024

@Ninji also, you cannot pay for a burger. The burger is actually free but you have to watch ads every 4 bites or subscribe to premium.

Andrew Feeney Apr 6, 2024

@schaf @Ninji Registration is required for free burgers. Address, date of birth, gender, and you must check the terms and conditions box. And you are auto subscribed for the mailing list unless you uncheck the other box.

@andrewfeeney @schaf @Ninji and you can't uncheck that box if your legal address is outside of the EU!
https://infosec.space/@kkarhan/112229327464267010

Kevin Karhan :verified: (@kkarhan@infosec.space)

@vladimir_lu@hachyderm.io @Ninji@wuffs.org @drakulix@tech.lgbt *for ebery single chef seperately OFC* and that option is *only available to #EU citizens and residents... Everyone else gets forcibly subscribed to a trial month of *unlimited* mayo as a service... https://neurodifferent.me/@dpnash/112222417914650568

Infosec.Space

jan Anja();Apr 7, 2024

@andrewfeeney @schaf @Ninji agreeing with ToS, you give away your right to participate in class action lawsuits for a free burger.. Wait, that's what McDonald's already does.

Andre Louis Apr 6, 2024

@Ninji I'm totally down with this. Has to be the hot mayo too, not the standard stuff. Nope, too mundane.

Devin Gutierrez Apr 6, 2024

@Ninji and he will squeeze the bottle at the closest known location to the burger, even if it's halfway down your throat; so he'll just open your mouth and spray a large glob directly down your gullet.

Moose Jolly Holcomb Apr 6, 2024

@Ninji thanks, I hate it

raptop (𒀯 𒄷 𒄈𒀭𒁇)Apr 6, 2024

@Ninji I regret to inform you that lots of burger places are pretty close to this about cheese

Phil Calvin Apr 6, 2024

@Ninji I hate mayo, and this is just perfect.

DJGummikuh Apr 6, 2024

@Ninji do I also have to share my cutlery with you and your 816 partners?

Tak!Apr 6, 2024

@Ninji Later, the mayo is replaced with durian sauce

Der rote Ritter ✅Apr 6, 2024

@Ninji But how can white stuff like mayo be pressed in a dark pattern?

Arthur van der Harg Apr 6, 2024

@redknight @Ninji Leave it out long enough and it will develop a dark pattern all by itself.

Jeff ♨️ Darcy Apr 6, 2024

@Ninji Also...

Bacon?

(x) Yes

( ) I hate good food

Sylvain MAILLER Apr 6, 2024

@Ninji
Brilliant.
@Gargron

Jason Petersen (he)Apr 6, 2024

@Ninji @clive the interesting thing about this is it makes me realize it’s better when they don’t ask.

ʙwɑnɑ нoɴoʟʊʟʊ

@Ninji When you're halfway done with your burger, does the cook snatch the patty off it and demands a subscription that you have to pay per bite?

Obsolete Apr 6, 2024

@Ninji
By entering your restaurant they agree to allow you to make a copy of everything on their phone

Bruce Heerssen Apr 6, 2024

@Ninji
Remember to automatically add your customers to your "loyalty" program every time they walk in the door, no matter how many times they opt out in the past

Dickenhobelix Apr 6, 2024

@Ninji Also, to add a side of fries you need to pull an entire poorly maintained french restaurant, which in turn pulls megabites of shite you actually neither need nor care about

Florian Wesch Apr 6, 2024

@Ninji „Me and my 767 waiters would like to watch you eat so we can improve our food“

snickerbockers Apr 6, 2024

@Ninji "would you like mayonaise?" YES "please enter your username and password" "to verify your identity we will need to send a six-digit unique code to (XXX)-XXX-XXXX. This may incur additional carrier fees. please click 'OK' to continue". OK. "please check your phone and enter the six-digit one-time-password we have just texted you" XXXXXX . "Thank you. to prove you are a human, please click all of the below images which contain a car."...........

karttu Apr 6, 2024

@Ninji What if the chef has a "legitimate interest" to add mayo?

Matti Redsky Apr 6, 2024

The chef squirts some mayo on the bite you’re about to take, and when you get annoyed, they act upset like it’s somehow your fault that you didn’t opt-out of mayo, and they reluctantly and slowly scrape the mayo off imperfectly within 4-6 minutes, leaving a bunch still on it.

You take your bite, and the option is passive-aggressively presented again because there’s been an update to the restaurant. Now choosing the option “maybe later” kicks you out of the restaurant and the chef steals your burger.

@Ninji also don't forget to randomly discontinue idems as one-time purchase and offering them only as pay-per-order or prepaid annual subscription bundled with half your menu items, and make it bound to a person so customers can't offer food to other people...

#capitalism #evil #shitpost #software #licensing #subscriptions #enshittification

Diabetic Heihachi Apr 6, 2024

Must not forget Free* fries.

*𝚋𝚢 𝚊𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚎𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚖𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝙵𝚛𝚎𝚎 𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚎𝚌𝚑𝚋𝚞𝚛𝚐𝚎𝚛 𝚞𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚟𝚘𝚒𝚌𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚐𝚎𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚘𝚗𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚎 𝚊𝚍𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚝𝚒𝚜𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚜.

Diabetic Heihachi Apr 6, 2024

Unlimited Fountain Drinks $14.99/month

@DavBot @Ninji @xssfox also that agreement is perpetual, non-exclusive and unlimited...

https://infosec.space/@kkarhan/112229327464267010

Kevin Karhan :verified: (@kkarhan@infosec.space)

@vladimir_lu@hachyderm.io @Ninji@wuffs.org @drakulix@tech.lgbt *for ebery single chef seperately OFC* and that option is *only available to #EU citizens and residents... Everyone else gets forcibly subscribed to a trial month of *unlimited* mayo as a service... https://neurodifferent.me/@dpnash/112222417914650568

Infosec.Space

Brian MacDonald Apr 6, 2024

@Ninji
Mr. Mayonnaise is interested to hear more about your business model.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozQo4QHuElI

Mr Mayonnaise - Animated

YouTube

Stephen 🐈 🇨🇦Apr 6, 2024

@Ninji my new burger restaurant concept is inspired by Silicon Labs chips. Every burger option is specified by writing a value into a different register, except the behaviour of each register depends on at least 3 other registers. Only some of this behaviour is documented, and some of this documentation is just completely wrong

I spent today fighting an si4032 (and losing)

Andrew Feeney Apr 6, 2024

@Ninji Every time you go to take a bite, the mayo attendant interrupts you and asks the same question again.

Very Human Robot Apr 6, 2024

@Ninji
TBF, "maybe later" tells me that this isn't a permanent choice, which reduces the pressure of making a decision.

THE ABOMIN8TOR.EXE Apr 7, 2024

This MF sound like Chef Excel, thinks everything is a date

@C0NQUIST4D0R @Ninji +1
https://infosec.space/@kkarhan/112229327464267010

Kevin Karhan :verified: (@kkarhan@infosec.space)

@vladimir_lu@hachyderm.io @Ninji@wuffs.org @drakulix@tech.lgbt *for ebery single chef seperately OFC* and that option is *only available to #EU citizens and residents... Everyone else gets forcibly subscribed to a trial month of *unlimited* mayo as a service... https://neurodifferent.me/@dpnash/112222417914650568

Infosec.Space

ChookMother 🇦🇺🦘Apr 7, 2024

@Ninji Does it have "Learn More" next to the Brontosaurus Burger?

@Ninji I would imagine being given multiple options for different types of mayo too, eggless options, and spicy options.

The Boxing Kangaroo Apr 7, 2024

@Ninji @backupbear

Kenneth Apr 7, 2024

@Ninji
“Nice burger. It would be a shame if something happened to it...”

Tristan Colgate-McFarlane Apr 7, 2024

@Ninji he has been following around adding mayo to all my other meals.
How do I stop him??

Seitansbraten Apr 7, 2024

@Ninji as long as everything is vegan... 🌱😊

@Ninji They also A/B test their burgers. if you order a chicken and bacon burger there is a 50% chance whether you get chili or bbq sauce. no mention of this on the menu of course

@Ninji they are like that asshat that doesn’t believe you have a peanut allergy so they put you on a nonconsensual experiment to research the effects that peanuts have on you

Ursa Borealis Apr 7, 2024

@Ninji Though this is seriously already my experience of every restaurant. The mayo-less condition is extremely difficult to achieve.

@ursaborealis @Ninji yeah...

#Funfact: #McDonalds in #Germany literally made this as real-life challenge / #meme: "#KeineGegenfrage" ("#NoFurtherQuestion") where two guys literally bet each other who can place an order with no further question asked by the cashier and instead being just ringed up...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQ8THsgj5S4

McDonald's Bestellung ohne Gegenfrage

YouTube

G1nger_bread Apr 7, 2024

@Ninji You have to say the special code if you don't want pickles

Njion the Cofftea Dragon ☕Apr 7, 2024

@G1nger_bread @Ninji I saw the mentioned username and enough of it lined up with my own handle that I got very confused for a few seconds lmao

flootidentity Apr 7, 2024

#sounds-about-right #capitalism #business #food-mention #technology #software #consent

Delta Sierra Apr 7, 2024

@Ninji I like mayo, no notes.

*Immediately recieves 347 emails for mayo and mayo-adjacent products, including "MayoAI", which suggests mayo use scenarios built around my browsing habits and is really two guys based in India*