penny (raccoon)

This is the part of Thunder, Perfect Mind i am working on today

Barnstone, the version revised in verse from MacRae, has it as follows:

Hear what I say.
I am the disgraced and the grand being.
Consider my poverty and wealth.
Don't be arrogant when I am cast down on the earth,
and you will find me in those who are to come.
Don't stare at me lying in a dung heap.
Don't run off and cast me away.
In the kingdoms you will find me.
Don't stare when I am cast with the disgraced
in the most sordid places
or laugh at me.
Don't throw me out among those violently slaughtered.

Barnstone completely loses the pattern of conjuctive words that I see in the original coptic

Feb 3, 2024 at 9:30pmWeb
Show threadpenny (raccoon)Feb 3, 2024

Like usual, taussig retains more of the structure than Barnstone

Pay attention to me
I am she who is disgraced and she who is important
Pay attention to me, to my impoverished state and to my
extravagance
Do not be arrogant to me when I am thrown to the ground
You will find me among the expected.
Do not stare at me in the pile of shit, leaving me discarded
You will find me in the kingdoms
Do not stare at me when I am thrown out into the condemned
Do not laugh at me in the lowest places
Do not throw me down into those slaughtered viciously

But the lines aren't exactly right? "Pay attention" is on the same line as "I am she" in the coptic.

Furthermore, the structure of 3-6 is so powerful to me: Don't, and. And Don't, and. But Don't, and. But Don't.

But Taussig loses that structure by omitting the conjunctions, so in mine I have restored them. #thunderperfectmind

Show threadpenny (raccoon)Feb 3, 2024

I have an ongoing frustration with Taussig with regards to where the line breaks occur, and the occasional omission of the word "and", nd how he includes the pronouns that Barnstone omits, but doesn't include them in every line--just for lines where they might be surprising

e.g. for the previous section, this is Taussig's translation:

I am both awareness and obliviousness
I am humiliation and pride
I am without shame
I am ashamed
I am security and I am fear
I am war and peace

In mine I have restored the "PE" to the "ANOK PE" where it occurs, and only in the lines it occurs:

I Am He, both knowldedge and ignorance.
I Am He, shame and fearlessness.
I Am shameless.
I Am ashamed.
I Am strength and fear.
I Am He, war and peace.

#thunderperfectmind

I figure my readers are Just Now Learning that in Thunder, gender is fucked. It is not just a poem concerning the divine feminine, and pre-Taussig translators did us a disservice by downplaying that The Thunderous One uses he/she pronouns.