𝐿𝒢𝓃𝒢  
ME: The Earth is 71% water
SCIENTIST: Yes. True.
ME: And practically all of that water is uncarbonated
SCIENTIST: Okay, sure. Not sure where you're going with this but
ME: So the Earth is flat
SCIENTIST...
ME: ...
SCIENTIST: Listen here you little shit
Aug 4, 2023 at 5:29amWeb
Show threadeviloatmeal, resident Death Stranding 2 apologist (arch, btw)Aug 4, 2023
@LadyDragonfly I feel like that means the Earth is still, not flat.

SCIENTIST, SQUINTING SUSPICIOUSLY: Are you implying the Sun orbits the Earth...?
Show thread𝐿𝒢𝓃𝒢  Aug 4, 2023

@eviloatmeal I'm implying that the Earth is uncarbonated. (you know ... "flat".)

#ExplainingJokesAlwaysMakesThemFunnier

Show threadeviloatmeal, resident Death Stranding 2 apologist (arch, btw)Aug 4, 2023
@LadyDragonfly I just feel like "flat" implies it once was carbonated and has since gone flat. As opposed to "still", like bottled water, which was, as far as I know when I open the bottle, always uncarbonated.
Show thread𝐿𝒢𝓃𝒢  Aug 4, 2023
@eviloatmeal omg
Show threadeviloatmeal, resident Death Stranding 2 apologist (arch, btw)Aug 4, 2023
@LadyDragonfly And then I tried to turn "still" into a joke about the Earth being the center of the solar system on account of not moving (being still).
Show thread𝐿𝒢𝓃𝒢  Aug 4, 2023
@eviloatmeal do you feel better now after incorrecting my joke?
Show threadeviloatmeal, resident Death Stranding 2 apologist (arch, btw)Aug 4, 2023
@LadyDragonfly I wasn't intending to do that. I just needed to that other joke into words.
Show threadBarbarossaAug 4, 2023
@eviloatmeal @LadyDragonfly this whole dialogue is a work of art.
Show threadmorganbirdAug 4, 2023
@LadyDragonfly @eviloatmeal pretty sure they were just playing off your joke, not trying to correct it
Show threadRicardo HarvinAug 4, 2023
@morganbird @LadyDragonfly @eviloatmeal and there's your mistake
Show threadTicktokAug 5, 2023
@eviloatmeal @LadyDragonfly the thing is, the oceans are one of the largest co2 trapping bodies on earth, and the global heat/cool cycle, the milankovitch cycles, are perfectly aligned with co2 levels and the axis wabble of the earth. As water warms it is less able to contain co2. Now as we have daily continued to hit record breaking global temperatures the earth literally is going flat as the oceans release carbon reserves and exacerbated the reaction.
Show threadeviloatmeal, resident Death Stranding 2 apologist (arch, btw)Aug 5, 2023
@ticktok @LadyDragonfly We cracked open a cold one and just left it there on the counter over night. 
Show threadKevinAug 11, 2023
@eviloatmeal @LadyDragonfly I'm guessing the oceans were once carbonated and this explains all that annoying CO2 in the atmosphere. We just need to make the earth round again.
Show threadeviloatmeal, resident Death Stranding 2 apologist (arch, btw)Aug 11, 2023
@kevin @LadyDragonfly If it's not from the Sol system of the Milky Way, it's just sparkling planet.
Show threadDeb has moved! (see profile) πŸ‡¨πŸ‡¦Aug 4, 2023
@LadyDragonfly @eviloatmeal in Canada we say "flat" or carbonated. In Germany they say "still"
Show threadBarbarossaAug 4, 2023
@deborahh @LadyDragonfly @eviloatmeal "still" in the sense of "silent", though. #niemandmagklugscheißer
Show thread𝐿𝒢𝓃𝒢  Aug 4, 2023
@barbarossa @deborahh @eviloatmeal my favorite German Christmas carol is "Uncarbonated Night, Holy Night"
Show threadHoward Chu @ SymasAug 4, 2023
@LadyDragonfly @barbarossa @deborahh @eviloatmeal but the holy spirit is so effervescent
Show threadFritz AdalisAug 4, 2023

@LadyDragonfly
Humor is like a frog. You can dissect it, but it somehow dies in the process.

@eviloatmeal

Show threadLocksmithAug 4, 2023
@eviloatmeal @LadyDragonfly The Sun and Earth orbit a certain republican candidate for president.
Show threadPete / SyllopsiumAug 5, 2023
@eviloatmeal @LadyDragonfly This checks out. Still=blue (or white). Bubbly=green, and the Earth is mostly blue.
Show threadeviloatmeal, resident Death Stranding 2 apologist (arch, btw)Aug 5, 2023
@syllopsium @LadyDragonfly 😹
Show threadM.S. Bellows, Jr.Aug 4, 2023

@LadyDragonfly oh

my

gawd

Show threadPΔ“teris KriΕ‘jānisAug 4, 2023
@LadyDragonfly took a bit, but 🀣
Show threadJohnWAug 4, 2023
@LadyDragonfly I was gonna respond with something tacky, but then I realized this is a great shitpost so I didn't want to muddy the waters. πŸ˜‰
Show threadPeeble streamer on Doop πŸŸ₯🟨Aug 4, 2023
@LadyDragonfly oh god.
Show threadDonaupiratinAug 4, 2023
@LadyDragonfly 😁
Show threadCBDawson πŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆAug 4, 2023

@LadyDragonfly As someone who studies water on the earth, this cracked me up.

And the resulting thread just seemed to confirm a lot of folks can’t just enjoy a silly joke that isn’t causing any harm πŸ™„πŸ€¦β€β™‚οΈ If only we could harness that energy and put it to good use!

Show threadWolf480plAug 4, 2023
@LadyDragonfly wtf the earth is most definitely not 71% water. 71% of its surface is covered in water but that's tiny compared to the amount of rocks below....
Show thread🦊 🍸Faux around & find out⚠️🏴󠁧󠁒󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿Aug 4, 2023
@LadyDragonfly @wolf480pl So, by this you’re implying that it’s still flat, but you want that water on the rocks… 🧊πŸ₯ƒπŸ§
Show threadWolf480plAug 4, 2023
@camstonefaux @LadyDragonfly you could argue that Earth's surface is flat
Show threadHaveABlasphemyAug 4, 2023
@wolf480pl @LadyDragonfly and today’s β€œMissing the Point” award goes to……
Show threadJohn BlairAug 4, 2023
@LadyDragonfly still. The earth is still, not flat.
Show threadArne NBAug 4, 2023
@LadyDragonfly well, all the water is actually carbonated. If you put water from earh in a vacuum chamer you can see it bobbles. Its just not carbonated over 1ata.
Show thread🦊 🍸Faux around & find out⚠️🏴󠁧󠁒󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿Aug 4, 2023
@LadyDragonfly Me (a scientist): I support this submission for peer panel flogging…
Show threadk4rizmaπŸ³οΈβ€βš§οΈWoman In ProgressAug 4, 2023

@camstonefaux @LadyDragonfly

I could do with some queer flannel floggingπŸ˜›πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ

Show thread🦊 🍸Faux around & find out⚠️🏴󠁧󠁒󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿Aug 4, 2023
@K4rizma
Wooooo, that escalated quickly!
Show threadk4rizmaπŸ³οΈβ€βš§οΈWoman In ProgressAug 4, 2023

@camstonefaux
Resisting the urge to escalate this further..
With a comment about escalation🀫

But I’m sure you can read the silent part in your head 😜

Show thread🦊 🍸Faux around & find out⚠️🏴󠁧󠁒󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿Aug 4, 2023
@K4rizma
I…
Show threadStupefloAug 4, 2023
@LadyDragonfly this joke also works in a littΓ©ral french translation.
Show thread𝐿𝒢𝓃𝒢  Aug 4, 2023
@stupeflo cool. :)
Show threadGrant GaineyAug 4, 2023

@LadyDragonfly Oh. My God.

I shared this with my wife. She threw her napkin at me in exasperation.

Today has been a *good* day so far!

Show thread⁂ Fish Id WardrobeAug 4, 2023
@LadyDragonfly That made me actual-LOL
Show threadLocksmithAug 4, 2023
@LadyDragonfly This tells me that scientists should use the "listen here you little shit" line much more often.
Show threadLegally ZoΓ©Aug 4, 2023

@LadyDragonfly This can easily be fixed with a giant SodaStream machine.

Let's get our best scientists on it.

Show threadWardMBAug 4, 2023
@LadyDragonfly I’ll admit I had to read this three times. Love it!!
Show threadCharles RandallAug 4, 2023
@LadyDragonfly give it time, the earth will yet (become) pop
Show threadJohn SandwolfAug 4, 2023
@LadyDragonfly πŸ˜†
Show threadwords of encouragementAug 4, 2023
@LadyDragonfly cut to: mad scientist cackling while building the world's largest sodastream
Show threadManuel CorreiaAug 4, 2023
@LadyDragonfly Incredible πŸ˜€β€‹
Show threadBC253Aug 4, 2023
@LadyDragonfly πŸ˜‚
Show threadSylvainAug 4, 2023

@LadyDragonfly

This play on words works as well in French as in English 😱

Show threadEyalLAug 4, 2023
@LadyDragonfly finally the proof that we've all been waiting for
Show threadAlina YossimouseAug 4, 2023
@LadyDragonfly @rixx this conversation also helpfully holds the solution to CO2 in the atmosphere. Carbonate the seas
Show threadShadow D. Wolf πŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆAug 4, 2023
@LadyDragonfly So, does this mean the earth is getting less flat over time? https://www.noaa.gov/education/resource-collections/ocean-coasts/ocean-acidification
Ocean acidification

In the 200-plus years since the industrial revolution began, the concentration of carbon dioxide (CO2) in the atmosphere has increased due to human actions. During this time, the pH of surface ocean waters has fallen by 0.1 pH units. This might not sound like much, but the pH scale is logarithmic, so this change represents approximately a 30 percent increase in acidity.

Show threadMoonshine FoxAug 4, 2023
@LadyDragonfly
This joke never fails to make me laugh
Show threadJulie SmithAug 4, 2023
@LadyDragonfly πŸ€£πŸ’πŸ˜‚
Show threadBarry Schwartz πŸ«–Aug 4, 2023
@LadyDragonfly You are correct. And I have a master's degree... in SCIENCE. So you can quote me.
Show threadMichael W Lucas Aug 4, 2023

@LadyDragonfly

this is awful and you should feel bad.

also: stealing the heck out of this to anger my bosom buds.

Show threadJosh Ourisman Aug 4, 2023
@LadyDragonfly @idan absolutely losing it over this