Feb 21, 2023 - Day 52 - NewPlay Review
Total NewPlays: 58

Game: The Dwarves
Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: Dec 2, 2016
Library Date: Dec 4, 2018
Unplayed: 1541 days (4y2m18d)
Playtime: 32m

The review is late, but I played this game last night. Yesterday was pretty heavy emotionally, and I wasn't really up to staying past midnight to review The Dwarves as well.

Today was pretty hectic, and I wondered whether it might be useful to let my feelings on The Dwarves steep for a bit, to see if I could review it better.

It didn't help. The Dwarves is quite nice graphically, the voiceovers are well done, the gameplay is... really hard to put my finger on.

The Dwarves is a fully 3D isometric RPG. I generally play 15-30 minutes of a game to get a feel for it. Even after 32 minutes, I couldn't get a feel for this game.

The pieces are all there, but it is feeling its age a bit. It didn't drag me in to keep playing, but it didn't make me want to quit and play something else. It just... is.

I think I'll come back to it, and see if it it clicks if I get a bit further into the game.

For now, The Dwarves is barely:

3: OK

#TheDwarves #RPG #Gaming #Project365ONG #Project365 #NewPlay

Feb 22, 2023 - Day 53 - NewPlay Review
Total NewPlays: 59

Game: Purrfect Date
Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: Dec 15, 2017
Library Date: Jan 30, 2019
Unplayed: 1484 days (4y23d)
Playtime: 17m

Oh my word, did the "don't read about the game beforehand" bite me today.

About 10 minutes into Purrfect Date, I was wondering when the scene-setting for the game would finish, and the game would start.

Yeah, turns out that Purrfect Date (which came in yet another Humble Bundle) is a visual novel (and, apparently dating sim?)

It's about cats, and it may turn out to be a wonderful visual novel slash dating sim, but as a game, for me?

Purrfect Date is a big old:

1: Nope

#PurrfectDate #VisualNovel #DatingSim #Gaming #Project365ONG #Project365 #NewPlay

Feb 23, 2023 - Day 54 - NewPlay Review
Total NewPlays: 60

Game: Driftland: The Magic Revival
Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: Apr 19, 2019
Library Date: May 3, 2020
Unplayed: 1026 days (2y9m20d)
Playtime: 15m

While I don't look at the info about the game beforehand, I usually look at it after.

Particularly in the case of Driftland: The Magic Revival, because I wasn't exactly sure what kind of game I'd just played.

Apparently, it's meant to be an "old-school RTS", but I played old-school RTS games; I cut my teeth on Dune II, Warcraft II (the first RTS I ever bought), and Starcraft.

This just doesn't gel in the same way. I found it somewhat confusing, with a quirky interface that felt overloaded, but with instructions that felt like they'd been written in another language and then run through Google Translate.

But when I check the reviews on Steam, it's "Mostly Positive".

Am I the problem? At least there's someone out there who enjoys it.

Driftland: The Magic Revival won't be revived any time soon. It's a bit:

2: Meh

#Driftland #RTS #Gaming #Project365ONG #Project365 #NewPlay

Feb 24, 2023 - Day 55 - NewPlay Review
Total NewPlays: 61

Game: Valfaris
Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: Oct 11, 2019
Library Date: Aug 4, 2022
Unplayed: 204 days (6m20d)
Playtime: 16m

Valfaris is an old-school pixel-art platformer, with a heavy metal soundtrack. Two out of three of these things I dislike, one I can tolerate. They all come together like a delicious meal of liver, peas, and beans.

I hate this game. Not ironically. I genuinely hate it. I spent the last few frustrating minutes trying not to watch the clock.

Some platformers are forgiving if you don't get the timing quite right on your moves.

This is not one of those. It requires a level of timing and coordination that my brain is not, and never has been, wired for.

Some folks can play this kind of game, and just flow through the game like water. I flow like bricks, and wanted to throw one at the screen.

If this kind of platformer is your bag, more power to you, but for me Valfaris is a straight-up:

1: Nope

#Valfaris #PixelArt #Platformer #Gaming #Project365ONG #Project365 #NewPlay

Feb 25, 2023 - Day 56 - NewPlay Review
Total NewPlays: 62

Game: Do Not Feed The Monkeys
Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: Oct 24, 2018
Library Date: May 14, 2019
Unplayed: 1383 days (3y9m11d)
Playtime: 91m

And now for something completely different...

Don't Feed The Monkeys is a pixel-art based surveillance sim. At least I think that's the best way of describing it.

If you'd asked me how long I'd been playing it for, I would have said 30 minutes, maybe 45 minutes.

It was an hour and a half.

Which is strange for a game that, quite honestly, I wasn't really enjoying that much. I just couldn't quite get my head into the right space for it.

I'm not sure if that's the way the game works, or the lack of instructions, and just having to find your way through, or just the realisation that it IS a surveillance game, and I'm deeply uncomfortable with the implications, and cannot just set them aside.

In any case, the game isn't bad on a technical level, but I can't see myself playing it again, so Don't Feed the Monkeys is:

2: Meh

#DontFeedTheMonkeys #PixelArt #Surveillance #Gaming #Project365ONG #Project365 #NewPlay

Feb 26, 2023 - Day 57 - NewPlay Review
Total NewPlays: 63

Game: Steamworld Heist
Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: Jun 7, 2016
Library Date: Jan 24, 2023
Unplayed: 33 days
Playtime: 16m

Well, I think this is the first time I've ever encountered a sideways scrolling turn-based strategy game.

A couple of days ago, I set up a new dynamic collection in Steam that collected all of the unplayed games in my Pile Of Shame, excluded all of the unplayed VR games, and then I just hit free-scroll on my mouse, close my eyes, move the mouse around, and click on whatever comes up.

Even though this is a seven year old game, when I checked the details, I remembered that I'd bought it on sale last month as part of a deal.

It was worth it. It's a fun little game, that does not feel seven years old. The missions so far are pretty quick, so I could see myself firing it up for 10 or 15 minutes just to kill some time.

Steamworld Heist is:

4: Good

#SteamworldHeist #TurnBased #Strategy #SidewaysScroller #Gaming #Project365ONG #Project365 #NewPlay

Feb 27, 2023 - Day 58 - NewPlay Review
Total NewPlays: 64

Game: Gas Guzzlers Extreme
Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: Oct 9, 2013
Library Date: Jul 18, 2019
Unplayed: 1320 days (3y7m9d)
Playtime: 17m

Gas Guzzlers Extreme (GGE) is EXTREME, and you know it's EXTREME because everything is distressed metal capital letters, but the X in EXTREME is bigger and on fire and EVEN MORE EXTREME.

What we've got here is a fairly middling racing game from 2013, with guns mounted on the cars enabling you to shoot cars in front and behind you, and you can pick up power-ups around the track.

Basically Mario Kart with more realistic cars and guns.

The problem for GGE, is that I'm playing it for the first time in a world where Forza Horizon exists. Forza has spoiled me for other arcade racing games.

Unfortunately for Gas Guzzlers Extreme, the intervening 10 years between release and now has not been kind.

Sure, I can shoot the other cars, but I can have a lot more fun in any of the *four* Forza Horizon games released since 2013, and having fun driving is kind of the point for an arcade racing game.

In 2013, Gas Guzzlers Extreme was probably a lot of fun, but now it's just kind of:

2: Meh

#GasGuzzlersExtreme #Racing #Gaming #Project365ONG #Project365 #NewPlay

Feb 28, 2023 - Day 59 - NewPlay Review
Total NewPlays: 65

Game: A Story About My Uncle
Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: May 28, 2014
Library Date: Jan 11, 2019
Unplayed: 1509 days (4y1m17d)
Playtime: 20m

I'm on call this week, and it's kind of messed up my ability to play AND review games, so I played this on Tuesday, but am now getting the review done.

A Story About My Uncle is a first-person 3D platformer. It has something of a push-pull effect on me.

On one hand, the story (as it is), keeps pulling me forward, but the control scheme keeps pushing me away.

Unfortunately for ASAMU, the pull isn't enough to overcome the push.

In terms of design and sound, it's an atmospheric game, that really reinforces the story, but unfortunately, I just found myself repeatedly getting frustrated with the controls.

I'm not ready to delete it, but I'm unsure as to whether I'll be drawn to play it again.

For now, I'll give A Story About My Father a rating of:

3: OK

#AStoryAboutMyFather #FirstPerson #Platformer #Gaming #Project365ONG #Project365 #NewPlay

Mar 1, 2023 - Day 60 - NewPlay Review
Total NewPlays: 66

Game: X-Morph: Defense
Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: Aug 30, 2017
Library Date: Jan 10, 2020
Unplayed: 1146 days (3y1m19d)
Playtime: 28m

Remember when tower defense games were the flavour of the month, and everyone seemed to be making one?

X-Morph: Defense is an isometric, sci-fi, tower defense/top-down shooter mash-up... in which you play the bad guys.

As part of an alien fleet invading Earth, you control a ship that can attack the ground & airborne defenders, while also building towers, and creating blockages to increase the path lengths of the attackers.

There are five waves per level, and in the last wave, you face off against a single boss.

Loading up, I was a bit "Oh, a tower defense game." By the time I finished the level, it was after midnight, and I was "more, please".

Except, I'm on call, and I really do need to go to bed.

Load up X-Morph: Defense and lay the smackdown on those xenophobic humans, because it's:

4: Good

#XMorphDefense #TowerDefense #Shooter #Gaming #Project365ONG #Project365 #NewPlay

Mar 2, 2023 - Day 61 - NewPlay Review
Total NewPlays: 67

Game: Immortal Redneck
Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: Apr 26, 2017
Library Date: Jan 30, 2019
Unplayed: 1492 days (4y1m2d)
Playtime: 17m

One day, someone asked the question "What if a redneck on holidays in Egypt was turned into an immortal mummy?"

Unfortunately, Immortal Redneck is the answer.

The best way to put it would be "What if Serious Sam, but a redneck & less fun?"

It does throw in some roguelite elements, and a skill tree, so those are definitely things that are in the game, but it just feels so pointless.

After the first few minutes of killing mobs, I was looking at the clock, wanting my fifteen minutes to be up, and then finally, blessedly, it was.

If you're looking for a fun FPS with some roguelite elements, keep looking.

Immortal Redneck is:

2: Meh

#ImmortalRedneck #FPS #Gaming #Project365ONG #Project365 #NewPlay

Mar 3, 2023 - Day 62 - NewPlay Review
Total NewPlays: 68

Game: What Remains of Edith Finch
Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: Apr 25, 2017
Library Date: Dec 26, 2022
Unplayed: 67 days (2m5d)
Playtime: 24m

I'm not quite sure what kind of game What Remains of Edith Finch is. I think it's an exploration game?

What I do know is that it hooked me pretty quickly; the story was fascinating from the get-go.

I've slowly worked my way through the story to the point I feel like I'm on the verge of something, and it's a game I'm going to need to come back to when I'm not utterly exhausted.

What Remains of Edith Finch has grabbed me in that short time, and I'm rating it:

4: Good

#WhatRemainsOfEdithFinch #Exploration #Gaming #Project365ONG #Project365 #NewPlay

Mar 4, 2023 - Day 63 - NewPlay Review
Total NewPlays: 69. Nice.

Game: Tomb Raider
Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: Mar 5, 2013
Library Date: Jan 8, 2018
Unplayed: 1881 days (5y1m24d)
Playtime: 29m

No, not that Tomb Raider. Not that one either. The other one. The 2013 reboot. In terms of franchises I've never played, Tomb Raider might be at the top of the list.

The closest I've come in all the time since the first Tomb Raider in 1996 to playing anything in the series is Tomb Raider GO several weeks ago.

Not exactly representative of the series. If you've been living under a rock for the last 27 years, Tomb Raider is a series of action-adventure games centred on the character of Lara Croft, an archaeologist.

The biggest surprise to me about this game is that it does not feel like a 10-year-old game. It plays like something far more recent.

I'm already hooked; the only reason I didn't keep playing is that it was time for our evening walk.

Yeah, I think Tomb Raider is:

4: Good

#TombRaider #ThirdPerson #ActionAdventure #Gaming #Project365ONG #Project365 #NewPlay

Mar 5, 2023 - Day 64 - NewPlay Review
Total NewPlays: 70

Game: Bright Memory: Infinite
Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: Nov 12, 2021
Library Date: Nov 12, 2021
Unplayed: 478 days (1y3m21d)
Playtime: 33m

This was a weird game to calculate how long I owned it, because technically I owned it about 18 months before it was released.

It's ostensibly a sequel to Bright Memory, but is actually a remake and expansion of Bright Memory. Bright Memory: Infinite was given to everyone who'd bought Bright Memory on Steam.

The thing is, I tried playing Bright Memory after bought it; after 9 minutes, went "Nope, wasted my money", and haven't touched it since.

Bright Memory: Infinite dropped at the end of 2021, and I brushed it off. Which is a shame, in hindsight.

I'll have to go back and take another look at Bright Memory, I think, to see if I was having a bad day, or if BM:I "fixed" what I didn't like about it.

As it turns out, BM:I is quite a lot of fun. BM:I is a sci-fi FPS with melee elements, but in spite of being built on Unreal Engine 4, it doesn't feel like other FPS games.

I'm not sure if it's because the developer is Chinese and brings a different aesthetic to the design of the game, or if it's because the gameplay implements this unusual sword and gunplay combo playstyle, but I'm really enjoying it.

In keeping with the last few days, Bright Memory: Infinite is:

4: Good

#BrightMemoryInfinite #FPS #Gaming #Project365ONG #Project365 #NewPlay

Mar 6, 2023 - Day 65 - NewPlay Review
Total NewPlays: 71

Game: Black Mesa
Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: Mar 6, 2020
Library Date: Sep 18, 2021
Unplayed: 534 days (1y5m16d)
Playtime: 54m

Today's game is weird for a whole different reason to yesterday's game.

Black Mesa started out as a mod, and then was turned into a full remake of Half-Life with the blessing of Valve.

In one way, it's a replay, but in another, it's a whole new game.

Half-Life was amazing for its time. I played it, and completed it, before Half-Life: Source was released. I bought Half-Life: Source, but it felt like I was just replaying it; I just couldn't connect with it.

Unfortunately, therein lies the problem. While Black Mesa is a remake, and adds some new stuff to the game, I can't connect with it. It's very well made, but it's just not doing anything for me.

If you're a Half-Life fan, Black Mesa might be right up your alley, but for me it's just:

3: OK

#BlackMesa #HalfLife #FPS #Gaming #Project365ONG #Project365 #NewPlay

Mar 7, 2023 - Day 66 - NewPlay Review
Total NewPlays: 72

Game: Norco
Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: Mar 25, 2022
Library Date: Aug 8, 2022
Unplayed: 211 days (6m27d)
Playtime: 41m

I am, quite vocally, not a fan of pixel art games. As I'm reasonably certain I've said before, I lived through pixel art when it was a necessity, and I have no nostalgic sentimentality towards that era that makes me look back wistfully to a more "simple" time.

Which is why, upon starting Norco, I sighed. It was immediately obvious that I'd overlooked the fact it was a pixel art game when I bought it, and I figured I'd just suffer through it for 15 minutes and get it out of the way.

I was wrong.

Norco is a point-and-click adventure, set in and around a suburb of New Orleans, some time in a run-down future.

The soundtrack is moody & evocative, and the storyline drew me in. The only reason I didn't keep playing is that I'm somewhere south of exhausted and desperately need some sleep.

Far from my initial impression, Norco is:

4: Good

#Norco #PointAndClick #Adventure #PixelArt #Gaming #Project365ONG #Project365 #NewPlay

Mar 8, 2023 - Day 67 - NewPlay Review
Total NewPlays: 73

Game: Figment
Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: Sep 22, 2017
Library Date: Dec 4, 2018
Unplayed: 1555 days (4y3m4d)
Playtime: 18m

Figment is a isometric action-adventure-puzzle game, that opens up with a voiceover indicating a car accident.

The voiceover does not prepare you for what you will encounter; a whimsical environment with a grumpy character named Dusty, who is being harassed by a chipper & chirpy bird named Piper.

It only gets weirder from there.

You are in... somebody's... brain (I have no idea who), and you control Dusty who is unhappy about having to track his way across this surreal landscape to retrieve his scrapbook.

The soundtrack is comes out of nowhere and thumps you with wailing guitars, and somehow it all comes together in a way that made me want to keep playing.

Figment is interesting, and thus:

4: Good

(It's also free on GOG and Steam until the 9th of March, links to follow!)

#Figment #Isometric #Adventure #Gaming #Project365ONG #Project365 #NewPlay

Mar 9, 2023 - Day 68 - NewPlay Review
Total NewPlays: 74

Game: Cats in Time
Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: Aug 27, 2021
Library Date: Sep 11, 2022
Unplayed: 179 days (5m26d)
Playtime: 35m

Sometimes you just want to chill with a game. You want something laid back, that scratches an itch in your brain, but still keeps you entertained.

Cats in Time is now that game for me; it's a 3D puzzle game where you're presented with a building containing a number of puzzles, and 10 hidden cats.

The cats have been strewn across time in a number of different environments (the first couple I encountered were Egypt and Greece). The cats themselves are adorable; big fluffy orange cats that trill and meow when you find and click on them.

The puzzles aren't too taxing (at least so far), and I could probably spend the next few hours just rotating buildings and clicking on puzzles while the happy little soundtrack burbles away in the background.

Cats in Time is a keeper, because it's:

4: Good

#CatsInTime #3D #Puzzle #Gaming #Project365ONG #Project365 #NewPlay

Mar 10, 2023 - Day 69 - NicePlay Review
Total NewPlays: 75

Game: Olli Olli World
Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: Feb 8, 2022
Library Date: Jan 3, 2023
Unplayed: 66 days (2m7d)
Playtime: 16m

I had my eye on this game for a while, and when it came up on special I bought it... and promptly forgot about it.

I have a serious problem.

Olli Olli World is a sideways scrolling skateboarding game. It's nowhere near as complex as Tony Hawk's Pro Skater, and is a fun little game so far.

Short review because I had so little sleep last night. Would recommend.

Olli Olli World is:

4: Good

#OlliOlliWorld #Skate #Gaming #Project365ONG #Project365 #NewPlay

Mar 11, 2023 - Day 70 - NewPlay Review
Total NewPlays: 76

Game: Biomutant
Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: May 26, 2021
Library Date: Mar 8, 2023
Unplayed: 3d
Playtime: 36m

Biomutant is a post-apocalyptic RPG, where you take the role of a mutant... raccoon?

You have a gun, and a buster sword, and some wicked cool moves that you can break out on enemies.

The game is narrated, and the narrator sounds just like one of those British cartoons that also have a narrator.

Honestly, I don't feel like I'm making a lot of sense at this point. Not a bad game so far, was worth getting in this month's Humble Bundle.

Biomutant is:

3: OK

#Biomutant #RPG #Gaming #Project365ONG #Project365 #NewPlay

Mar 12, 2023 - Day 71 - NewPlay Review
Total NewPlays: 77

Game: Monster Slayers
Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: Mar 24, 2017
Library Date: Nov 3, 2022
Unplayed: 129d (4m9d)
Playtime: 39m

Monster Slayers is a roguelike deck builder, and I actually went back through my emails hoping I hadn't paid for it.

Turns out it was a freebie with a Fanatical order, so I don't have to go back in time to ask past me what I was thinking.

It's just a middling deck builder with nothing that made me want to keep playing. It's not bad, it's not good, it just is. Maybe it was revolutionary back in 2017, but there are just so many better options now.

Monster Slayers?:

2: Meh

#MonsterSlayers #DeckBuilder #Roguelike #Gaming #Project365ONG #Project365 #NewPlay

Mar 13, 2023 - Day 72 - NewPlay Review
Total NewPlays: 78

Game: Citizen Sleeper
Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: May 6, 2022
Library Date: Dec 24, 2022
Unplayed: 79d (2m17d)
Playtime: 42m

Citizen Sleeper is an RPG.

It's just unlike other RPGs I've played, and I don't know whether that's because of a lack of experience on my part, or whether Citizen Sleeper is just unique.

You are synth who's gone rogue from the corporation that apparently now owns the human body you signed over to them. A consciousness bound to a synthetic body.

Having stowed away on a ship, you now find yourself on a space station where you need to try and stay alive, as without regular chems from the corporation, your synthetic body will reject your bio-organic components.

There's no third person or first person views here. The station is a scrollable map, where you can interact with various locations, and each day you get a literal "roll of the dice", up to six dice you can spend on different things to try and survive and build a life.

I might even stream it for a while later today, if I can get my streaming setup running properly, because Citizen Sleeper is:

4: Good

#CitizenSleeper #RPG #Project365ONG #Project365 #NewPlay

Mar 14, 2023 - Day 73 - NewPlay Review
Total NewPlays: 79

Game: I Am Bread
Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: April 10, 2015
Library Date: Mar 14, 2023
Unplayed: 0d
Playtime: 32m

This is a game like no other.

I suppose it's an RPG.

The role you're playing is that of a sentient piece of bread, trying to find a heat source to become toast.

No, you're not high, that's the game.

You're not an anthropomorphic piece of bread, either.

Just a piece of bread that flops around from side to side, and end to end, grabbing and climbing things, to reach your goal of becoming... toast.

My word, this is a weird game. I Am Bread is...:

3: OK

#IAmBread #RPG #Project365ONG #Project365 #NewPlay

Mar 15, 2023 - Day 74 - NewPlay Review
Total NewPlays: 80

Game: Mini Ninjas
Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: Oct 9, 2009
Library Date: May 1, 2018
Unplayed: 1780d (4y10m15d)
Playtime: 19m

The 15th was my birthday, and while I played this on my birthday, I spent the evening with my family, so the review is much later than I planned.

Mini Ninjas is 13 years old, and feels like a 13 year old game; while it plays at full 2K resolution, it just feels kind of empty, and a little frustrating.

It's a third person action-adventure game in which you play... mini ninjas. You're the last remaining ninjas in the dojo, sent out in desperation to find out what happened to all of the other ninjas sent out to investigate strange events.

Mini Ninjas is just barely:

3: OK

#MiniNinjas #ActionAdventure #ThirdPerson #Project365ONG #Project365 #NewPlay

Mar 16, 2023 - Day 75 - NewPlay Review
Total NewPlays: 81

Game: Saints Row: Gat Out Of Hell
Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: Jan 23, 2015
Library Date: Sep 7, 2020
Unplayed: 921d (2y6m10d)
Playtime: 22m

I appear to have possibly broken my "no sequels" rule, because it appears that this is a sequel to Saints Row IV. (Checked before posting, and it's actually a standalone expansion).

I realised this too late, and so this is, unfortunately, my NewPlay for the 16th.

If you've played Saints Row IV, this is basically Saints Row IV in hell. Not in a "this is terrible" way, but literally the Saints Row version of hell.

It too is a third person action-adventure game, in which you play one of the characters from SR:IV, trying to rescue your boss from Lucifer, where he(!) is being married off to Satan's daughter Jezebel Morningstar, because he's so chaotic, that the devil decided he was perfect husband material.

I think my head is going to explode from writing that sentence. If you enjoyed SR:IV, you might enjoy this, if not, well... you probably won't.

Saints Row: Gat Out Of Hell is:

3: OK

#SaintsRow #GatOutOfHell #ActionAdventure #ThirdPerson #Project365ONG #Project365 #NewPlay

Mar 17, 2023 - Day 76 - NewPlay Review
Total NewPlays: 82

Game: M.A.R.S.
Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: Nov 21, 2021
Library Date: Nov 21, 2021
Unplayed: 481d (1y3m24d)
Playtime: 21m

M.A.R.S. is a free-to-play third person cover-shooter. I'm glad I didn't pay for it.

This is a game with gameplay that feels like it came straight from the early 2010's... which is a problem for a game that was released in 2021.

A cover shooter in a world where Gears of War, The Division, and Outriders exist, has to bring something to the table in terms of gameplay that other cover shooters don't offer.

Technically, they've done that. Poorly animated characters, sluggish movement, and utterly woeful voice acting, is definitely something I haven't seen in the other cover shooters I've played, particularly all at the same time.

Some games are so bad they're entertaining; The developers of M.A.R.S. seem to have taken one look at the mountain of mediocrity, and decided to set up base camp about three feet up.

M.A.R.S. Not even once. It's:

1: Nope

#MARS #CoverShooter #ThirdPerson #Project365ONG #Project365 #NewPlay

Mar 18, 2023 - Day 77 - NewPlay Review
Total NewPlays: 83

Game: Horatio Goes Snowboarding
Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: Jul 10, 2021
Library Date: Jul 23, 2021
Unplayed: 603d (1y7m23d)
Playtime: 16m

There are some games that are difficult for me to review, that are not necessarily bad games, but I feel like my wiring makes it hard to assess them properly.

Horatio Goes Snowboarding (HGS) is one of those games.
HGS is a reasonably simple score attack game. You play a blue sphere in snow gear, who goes snowboarding.

It feels like a modernised mashup of Frogger, and Ski or Die, with a DnB soundtrack.

The first part of the game (or Frogger) has you crossing several roads and trying to avoid cars, to pick up a snowboard, and then get to the choppa!

The second part (Ski or Die), has you snowboarding downhill, trying to chain slaloms, and avoid obstacles, until you reach the end... and do the same thing again, until you run out of money (crashing results in medical bills, and the snowboards must be purchased).

And that's it.

My fine motor control isn't fantastic, and I end up missing most of the slaloms, but collecting a lot of trees. The controls (L & R triggers, or the LH stick) feel a little sloppy.

I just find it a little too frustrating to remain interested, and was counting down the minutes.

I'm sorry, Horatio Goes Snowboarding. It's not you, it's me. It's just a bit:

2: Meh

#HoratioGoesSnowboarding #ScoreAttack #Project365ONG #Project365 #NewPlay

Mar 19, 2023 - Day 78 - NewPlay Review
Total NewPlays: 84

Game: Magrunner: Dark Pulse
Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: Jun 21, 2013
Library Date: Aug 26, 2020
Unplayed: 935d (2y6m21d)
Playtime: 47m

Magrunner: Dark Pulse is a 3D puzzle game, with a dark secret behind it that is revealed as you play the game. You must use your mag-glove to manipulate the world around you, to get from one door to the other door on each level.

Unfortunately for Magrunner, it's a victim of time. While obviously inspired by Portal, as I played, I had the sensation I'd played it before.

In the past few months, as I've played through my library, I've played Q.U.B.E. 2, Relicta, and The Entropy Centre. All of them have a similar gameplay loop, it's just that they do it better, because it has not aged well in comparison to those more recent games.

It meant that I largely found the puzzles a frustrating interruption to the storyline - which apparently "confronts the Cthulhu Mythos". After 45 minutes in-game, it didn't appear to have gotten anywhere even close to being in the same timezone as Cthulhu, let alone confronting it, which doesn't bode well.

Magrunner: Dark Pulse is just kind of:

2: Meh

#MagRunner #3D #Puzzle #Project365ONG #Project365 #NewPlay

Mar 20, 2023 - Day 79 - NewPlay Review
Total NewPlays: 85

Game: Evil West
Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: Nov 22, 2022
Library Date: Mar 20, 2023
Unplayed: 0d
Playtime: 34m

Evil West is third-person rails shooter (for want of a better term?), set in the USA's old west. This old west, however, is full of supernatural monsters that you have to kill in increasingly bloody ways.

This is not (at least so far) a game that will test your brain with complicated puzzles, and deep ethical questions.

See Jesse. See monster. See Jesse punch monster with gauntlet, or shoot monster. Rinse and repeat.

What the combat does test, however, is your coordination, and this was where I found myself struggling. I currently have it on Normal difficulty, but I'm stuck on one fight, and just can't get my timing right to beat all of the mobs.

Running around punching monsters into a mess of gore isn't usually my kind of game, but when I spent the weekend knowing there were Nazis running and transphobes saying the vilest things about trans folks just because we have the temerity to exist, sometimes punching a few monsters into piles of goop hits the spot.

The old west atmosphere and landscape is well done, and the game comes together very nicely.

Evil West is:

4: Good

#EvilWest #ThirdPerson #RailsShooter #Project365ONG #Project365 #NewPlay

Mar 21, 2023 - Day 80 - NewPlay Review
Total NewPlays: 86

Game: Filament
Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: Apr 23, 2020
Library Date: Mar 21, 2023
Unplayed: 0d
Playtime: 119m

A couple of long-awaited deals popped up on Fanatical overnight, and if I added a A$7 game to my cart, I got a potential free game.

I am a sucker. For free games, but also in general.

Filament looked interesting, and so I grabbed it, and oh no what have I done?

I put nearly two hours into this addictive little puzzle game today.

Pretty much diametrically opposed to Evil West, this is almost all puzzles all the time.

You control a small robot with a light filament that he pulls along, and the filament needs to be wrapped around a series of light-up poles, without crossing the filament, until the level exit opens, and I cannot stress how it sent floods of dopamine through my system watching everything light up.

Right now Filament is A$5.98 for the standard version, and A$7.08 including the soundtrack, and this addictive little puzzler is:

5: Excellent

#Filament #Puzzle #Project365ONG #Project365 #NewPlay

Mar 23, 2023 - Day 82 - NewPlay Review
Total NewPlays: 87

Game: Heal
Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: Apr 11, 2020
Library Date: Jul 27, 2022
Unplayed: 239d (7m24d)
Playtime: 17m

Heal is 2d puzzle game. You play an old man, walking through an old house, solving a series of puzzles so you can leave the room you're in, and move onto the next one.

There is no dialogue in this game, no explanatory or flavour text, just some icons you can click on, and some puzzles that were not even entirely clear were puzzles at first.

Because I went in without preparation, it took me a little bit of time to assess what it was I was supposed to do.

There are 7 levels, and in 17 minutes I'd already cleared the first two, but I didn't really enjoy the process. It wasn't really challenging, and the only reason I'll complete it is because it won't take long to do, and I'll get some trading cards I can sell off for a few cents each.

Sadly, Heal is just kind of:

2: Meh

#Heal #Puzzle #Project365ONG #Project365 #NewPlay

Mar 24, 2023 - Day 83 - NewPlay Review
Total NewPlays: 88

Game: Toybox Turbos
Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: Nov 12, 2014
Library Date: Dec 27, 2021
Unplayed: 452d (1y2m25d)
Playtime: 17m

The first PC racing game I played was Test Drive, some time in the late 1980's, on a PC clone, and was incredibly frustrating to steer with the keyboard.

It was still more fun than Toybox Turbos.

Toybox Turbos was released in 2014, and is still for sale on Steam in 2023, at the price of AUD$21.50.

If you have the misfortune of mistakenly buying Toybox Turbos and installing it, it will crash immediately. Turns out that if your screen is running at any resolution higher than 1280x720, it crashes.

To fix this crash, you need to change your screen resolution to 1280x720, restart the game, and in the options, set the game to the resolution you want to run it at (my screen is 2560x1440).

At this point, the game will crash. Again.

However, you can now reset your desktop resolution to your preferred resolution, and then run the game, at which point you can start playing.

This was more entertaining than the actual game.

On paper, it seems like a fun game, but for reasons probably rooted in a boozy lunch with a PM who really liked handheld camera shots in movies, instead of the camera being behind the car, it follows you around in near-isometric view like a drunken one-legged sailor in a storm.

Toybox Turbos:

1: Nope

#ToyboxTurbos #Racing #Project365ONG #Project365 #NewPlay

Mar 25, 2023 - Day 84 - NewPlay Review
Total NewPlays: 89

Game: Aragami
Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: Oct 25, 2016
Library Date: Aug 23, 2022
Unplayed: 214d (7m2d)
Playtime: 23m

Aragami is a stealth game, set in Japan, in which you play an assassin summoned from death to put right a terrible injustice.

Your powers come from staying the shadows, allowing you to teleport from shadow to shadow, with your power levels indicated by a design that lights up on your cloak.

I am traditionally terrible at stealth games, and I got stuck on the second level, restarting multiple times before deciding it was time to call it a night.

I suspect, however, this may be due to my overall state of weariness.

There's a definite rush of adrenaline as you teleport into a shadow behind one of the bad guys, assassinate them, and them teleport away into another shadow, but I just couldn't seem to press the right buttons at the right time.

Definitely a game I'll come back to, Aragami is:

4: Good

#Aragami #Stealth #Project365ONG #Project365 #NewPlay

Mar 26, 2023 - Day 85 - NewPlay Review
Total NewPlays: 90

Game: Tomb Raider: Anniversary
Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: Jun 5, 2007
Library Date: Mar 4, 2018
Unplayed: 1848d (5y22d)
Playtime: 22m

The Tomb Raider series has a long and storied history, as I learned when I reviewed Tomb Raider (2013) on March 4th.

Tomb Raider: Anniversary was released in 2007, by Crystal Dynamics. It's a sequel that's a prequel to "Tomb Raider: Legend", and is a remake of the original Tomb Raider from 1996.

Released 4 years after the second Tomb Raider movie, I got an Angelina Jolie vibe from the character design, and it's entirely unclear to me whether Jolie was just well cast in the movies, or whether the design team were making a deliberate callback.

Unfortunately, as with a lot of older games I've tried to play this year, this Tomb Raider has not aged well. Graphically it feels rather bland, but more critically, the follow-camera seems like it's never quite sure what it's following, and shimmies & bounces all over the place, making me feel slightly queasy trying to navigate.

The initial tomb-opening sequence sees your helpful "native" guide die; it's entirely unclear whether it's the wolves who came running out of the freshly opened tomb, or a stray bullet from Lara's dual-pistols, but Lara's "shrug-and-move-on" left me cold.

I don't think I'll be coming back to Tomb Raider: Anniversary, it's just:

2: Meh

#TombRaiderAnniversary #ThirdPerson #Project365ONG #Project365 #NewPlay

Mar 26, 2023 - Day 85 - NewPlay Bonus Review
Total NewPlays: 91

Game: Lost Castle

Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: Sep 1, 2016
Library Date: Mar 12, 2018
Unplayed: 1840 days (5y14d)
Playtime: 20m

There are some games, that when I play them for the first time, I'm terribly disappointed to discover something that I have missed in my library that I could have been enjoying all this time.

Lost Castle is not one of those games.

It's a 2.5D "action RPG" with roguelike elements. Apparently the devs looked at the table of roguelike elements, scooped up a bunch, looked at "fun" and went "Nahhhh".

Repetitive mobs, repetitive soundtrack, 20 minutes of my life I'll never get back.

Pity Lost Castle didn't remain lost, because:

1: Nope

#LostCastle #ActionRPG #RogueLike #Gaming #Project365ONG #Project365

Mar 27, 2023 - Day 86 - NewPlay Review
Total NewPlays: 92

Game: Call of Juarez
Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: Jun 12, 2007
Library Date: Jul 4, 2018
Unplayed: 1727 (4y8m23d)
Playtime: 26m

In an odd twist, this game was released only one week after yesterday's game, Tomb Raider: Anniversary.

Call of Juarez is a first-person shooter set in the old west. Developed by Techland, who went on to create Dying Light, it suffers from similar problems to yesterday's review of Tomb Raider: Anniversary.

It's an almost-16-year-old game, and it just hasn't aged well. The graphics are bland, the voice acting feels cheesy, but the pimp offering "30 minutes free with Suzy" to anyone who captures the protagonist just pushed me into "ick" territory

I kept going, and gave it a shot, but found myself dying repeatedly, with a non-obvious stealth mechanic required to get through the second level (I had to Google a walkthrough to work out what I was doing wrong).

In the end I just wasn't having any fun to keep me going. If I want to play a game set in the old west, I now have far better -and more fun- options available to me, and I can't see any good reason to spend any more time trying to make my way through this game.

Call of Juarez? I can't hear a thing. It's:

1: Nope

#CallOfJuarez #FPS #Project365ONG #Project365 #NewPlay

Mar 28, 2023 - Day 87 - NewPlay Review
Total NewPlays: 93

Game: Splasher
Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: Feb 8, 2017
Library Date: Mar 12, 2018
Unplayed: 1842 (5y16d)
Playtime: 22m

Splasher feels like a dev somewhere asked "what would happen if we took Portal 2's paint gun, and made a 2D platformer?"

It's one of those platformers that requires near perfect split-second timing, and my autistic fine motor skills just don't want to play along.

I made it through a couple of levels, but I kept one eye on the clock.

Splasher is not a bad game, I just find it a little bit too frustrating to keep playing.

Splasher is:

2: Meh

#Splasher #Platformer #Project365ONG #Project365 #NewPlay

Mar 29, 2023 - Day 88 - NewPlay Review
Total NewPlays: 94

Game: Arcade Mayhem Juanito

Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: Aug 4, 2017
Library Date: Mar 13, 2018
Unplayed: 1842 (5y16d)
Playtime: 15m

Arcade Mayhem Juanito (or Juanito Arcade Mayhem, it can't seem to decide), is a well made pastiche of retro arcade games.

It feels like someone threw early 2000's Nickelodeon, Wreck-It Ralph, and a bunch of arcade games into a blender, and hit frappe.

The gameplay mechanics are basically straight out of Space Invaders. Use the controller's A button to shoot upwards at the things falling out of the sky. You can also dash with the B button.

That's it.

The problem is that that much single button mashing *very* quickly takes a toll on my thumb, and as for yesterday's platformer, timing is everything, and mine is rubbish.

The graphics are great, the sound effects a little overwhelming, and I have some questions about the game assets in the first set of levels that seem to be a straight rip from a certain falling-blocks game, Comrade.

This is a well-made game, but while I feel interested in continuing to see how the story (such as it is) develops, it's just a little too frustrating for me to push forward.

Juanito Arcade Mayhem is:

2: Meh

#ArcadeMayhemJuanito #Arcade #HappyBirthdayPhil #Project365ONG #Project365 #NewPlay

Mar 29, 2023 - Day 88 - NewPlay Bonus Review
Total NewPlays: 95

Game: Zombie Army Trilogy

Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: Mar 6, 2015
Library Date: Jan 30, 2019
Unplayed: 1519 days (4y1m29d)
Playtime: 17m

In the past six months I unexpectedly discovered that I'm seemingly gluten-intolerant. I've spent most of the last few months avoiding gluten, and subsequently enjoying not having my gut feel like a broken garbage disposal.

This evening when my son got home from work, he arrived a large bag of various types of hot cross buns, including my all-time favourites, apple & cinnamon. They were most definitely not gluten-free, and I'd forgotten the near immediate effect it would have on me, leaving me feeling like I need to puke.

"Zombie" games tend to spike my anxiety through the roof, and I generally avoid them, particularly at night.

This is to say, I made two terrible decisions tonight. 17 minutes of Zombie Army Trilogy at 11:15pm might be almost as bad for my sleep tonight as that hot cross bun.

Which is a shame, because Zombie Army Trilogy is effectively a reskinned Sniper Elite III, with all the fun and gore that comes with it; with the constant groan of zombies around you, and spikes of terror as they appear from the ground in front of you, it's a great zombie game.

Zombie Army Trilogy isn't wrong, it's just wrong for me; it's:

3: OK

#ZombieArmyTrilogy #ThirdPerson #Gaming #Project365ONG #Project365

Mar 30, 2023 - Day 89 - NewPlay Review
Total NewPlays: 96

Game: Seraph

Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: Sep 21, 2016
Library Date: Mar 13, 2018
Unplayed: 1843 (5y17d)
Playtime: 20m

Seraph is a platform shooter, with auto-aiming.

It's the kind of platformer I prefer to play, it's a bit button-mashy at times, and a few times I mashed the wrong button to shoot, but it doesn't rely on perfect timing with lots of unexpected deaths.

In Seraph you play a wingless angel who's spent 30 years in angel prison (I guess?), and who may or may not be responsible for the horde of demons roaming the levels that you have to shoot with your dual-wielded pistols & "gun-fu".

That's some classical angelology right there.

As platformers go, it's much closer to the kind of platformer I prefer, but it's not a great game that's got me rushing to play it again.

For a bit of demon-shooting mayhem, Seraph is:

3: OK

#Platformer #Shooter #Project365ONG #Project365 #NewPlay

Mar 31, 2023 - Day 90 - NewPlay Review
Total NewPlays: 97

Game: Panzer Corps Gold Edition

Platform: Steam PC
Release Date: Jul 10, 2011
Library Date: Mar 13, 2018
Unplayed: 1844 (5y18d)
Playtime: 23m

It should have been obvious from the name that I would not enjoy this game.

Any game that has me playing as the Nazis is not a game I want to play.

This is a hex-based strategy game AND I have to play as the Nazis? Ugh.

I got to 23 minutes because I try to at least finish the tutorial missions I start.

I finished the first two tutorials and dipped. Panzer Corps Gold Edition is over 11 years old, feels older, and again: you're playing as the Nazis, and that just feels a bit too on the nose in 2023.

Panzer Corps Gold Edition is a big old:

1: Nope.

#Hex #Strategy #Gaming #Project365ONG #Project365 #NewPlay