Originally I made a choice to heal myself so that I could feel better. I didn't know what that meant when I made the choice.

There was no carrot in front of me at the time. There was no sudden offer of change or a new way forward. It was literally just me making a choice with no idea what it would change, if it would change anything, or even how it would change something. I literally just did not want to be in pain anymore.

I had a goal, but even the goal didn't offer change. I actually assumed it would be more of the same. It was me accepting a past reality at face value, not me changing the future.

You don't need a carrot to do this. You can just decide that you want to feel better on your own. Is it selfish? Yes. In the right way it is selfish. What you're teaching yourself is that it's okay to take care of yourself by dealing with the pain you carry around.

I ended up here accidentally on purpose. I made a choice to find a way to feel better and then just continued to follow the breadcrumbs that my choice offered me. By doing that, I completely changed the person I was. It wasn't an intentional choice on my part. There was no "golden parachute". I didn't have a grand master plan. I just followed what was offered to me. Nothing else.

By the way, you can make the same choice I did and it will take you on your own path. I'm here to help with that when you're ready.

Love to all.

Della

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