DaphneNov 26, 2022
VeryBritishProblems

Email translations:

“I was under the impression”
Translation: I’m furious

“As per my email”
Translation: I’m furious

“With respect”
Translation: I’m furious

“Whilst I appreciate”
Translation: I’m furious

“As I’m sure you’re aware”
Translation: I’m furious

Nov 24, 2022 at 10:54amWeb
Show threadrightarmrandomNov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems "I was surprised to see that..."
Translation: I'm furious, and on the verge of a thermonuclear explosion
Show threadPaul GrimesNov 24, 2022

@rightarmrandom @verybritishproblems
"I was very surprised to learn..."

Translation: Formal complaints have already been written, and I have drafted a submission to the regulatory authority.

Show threadPoeticLicenseDKNov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems
British humor, unparalleled.
Show threadjohnaldisNov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems “I’m furious…” — This annoyed me a bit.
Show threadSiili WesolowskiNov 24, 2022
@johnaldis
That would be quite Finnish too, at least for me.
@verybritishproblems
Show threadNatalia army of oneNov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems here! My translation dictionary 🍷💋😷
Show threadtrevor who is a femaleNov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems @Natalia_Army_of_1 😂
Show thread[email protected]Nov 24, 2022

@verybritishproblems

See also

"regards", "Its has come to my attention", "I refer you to..."

Show threadMelon Nov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems "Best,"
Show threadGaryNov 24, 2022
@1loafofmeat @verybritishproblems That one means you want to shoot them into the sun, right?
Show threadMarverdeNov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems @davidallengreen
Hope it doesn't become a mastodon rule. 😳 I need my fury to show without translation.
Show threadDogeMocenigoNov 26, 2022
@Marverde @verybritishproblems @davidallengreen for that there’s the bird site
Show threadgraphictruthNov 29, 2022

@Marverde @verybritishproblems @davidallengreen

Just leave out any emojis and end with /cleese,
Or perhaps just a 🎩

Show threadDave La ChouffeNov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems “That is, to say the least, an unusual submission”
- Stop wasting our time, Attorney General.
Show threadAndy McGuire 🐕Nov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems
"I understand"
Translation: You have no f**king idea what you are talking about.
Show threadMrTChace Nov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems
"Thank you for your feedback."
Translation: F-You and your feedback.
Show threadCactusNov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems
Show threadJohn Koen 🏳️‍🌈 🎶Nov 26, 2022
@verybritishproblems @cactus 🤣
Show threadOlly 💀💀Nov 24, 2022

@verybritishproblems
My Email translations:

“I was under the impression”
Translation: "you wot, m8?!"

“As per my email”
Translation: "fucking read, dumbass"

“With respect”
Translation: "stop being a thick shit"

“Whilst I appreciate”
Translation: "nothing to do with it, mate"

“As I’m sure you’re aware”
Translation: I’m furious

Show threadBruce Heerssen Dec 13, 2022
@vault @verybritishproblems
"Let's continue this coversation at a later date."
See you in court, jackass.
Show threadCatherine RussellNov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems "I was just wondering" Translation ANSWER MY F*UCKING EMAIL! I'm furious."
Show threadWndlBNov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems @davidallengreen “This is in reply to your favour of the 20th inst.” (actual business convention from US in early 20th century)?
Show threadDanaBlankenhornNov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems "Bless your heart."
Translation: I'm furious
Show threadNookNov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems
Show threadJan HicksNov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems Never have I felt more British or more seen!
Show threadAmateur HumanNov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems maybe you need to widen your interpretation, as this may be your understanding but not necessarily the sender's original intention...
Show threadGopal BNov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems "that's all right"; translation: I'm furious
Show threadBen FultonNov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems The British are always furious?
Show threadgraphictruthNov 29, 2022

@benfulton @verybritishproblems

Ever seen Clockwise with John Cleese? I highly recommend it.

Show threadJanArzNov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems oh wow, i identity with that!
Show threadChristine McCloudNov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems I always wondered what part of me was British. It’s my fury!
Show threadAndrew RobinsonNov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems "With all due respect" - I am incandescent with rage.
Show threadsmall sunny gardenNov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems Ha! VBP is here. Now I don't need to miss Twitter. 👍
Show threadRebusKnebusNov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems So true 😂😂
Show threadRivikahNov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems So uh... How do I write an email in which I am not furious?
Show threadKate WNov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems Contemplating using all of these in the same email; I'm furious. 😁
Show threadMystalopeNov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems I just say “I’m furious” in the subject line. Much easier.
Show threadMatthew MalthouseNov 24, 2022

@verybritishproblems

"With deepest respect"
I'm about to commission a team of hit-men to expunge you and all your line.

Show threadGrumpy Grimnir Nov 29, 2022
@calmeilles @verybritishproblems That's not very British; killing one's enemies is the last thing to be outsourced. Nothing beats that feeling of closing your folding knife after finishing the last one off.
Show threadBuffy Summers and Mr. PointyNov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems and when all are used in the same email: 🔪 🔪 🔪
Show threadJone LewisNov 24, 2022

@verybritishproblems

Sounds Scandinavian-American to me!

Show threadCranky Old Man GamingNov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems
Show threadJons MostovojsNov 24, 2022
@pola :D
Show threadRob MiddletonNov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems this checks out.
Show threadLeslie LieuranceNov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems
Oh dear!
Show threadOblomovNov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems I'm currently preparing an email and I've already used all of them. I'm not sure the receiver will catch the hint though.
Show threadJonathan Kamens 86 47Nov 24, 2022

@verybritishproblems British dinner table translation:

"The food this evening certainly needs some salt, does it not?"
Translation: This is the most vile thing I have ever eaten in my life.

Show threadhwestiiiNov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems @mathewi Totally me
Show threadPatty KimuraNov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems lol. Also very Japanese.
Show threadSay I'm Divine-Ms Em 🏳️‍🌈Nov 24, 2022

@verybritishproblems

Per my last email: "god fucking dammit i already told you this six times"

Show threadSkye ClearyNov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems Recently noticed:

"This is quite good"
Translation: omg amazing this is the best thing ever
Show threadsimon grayNov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems You missed out starting a email with “[Firstname], [body of the email” — translation: I’m cross with you about something, and I’m now going to speak to you as if I think I’m your manager.
Show threadAllison MeloyNov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems oh, I’m so glad you’ve made it over here! Now I have another reason not to look at Twitter. Lol.
Show threadStevens R MillerNov 24, 2022

@verybritishproblems

That's the abridged version. Unabridged is this:

“I was under the impression”
Translation: You specifically told me.

“As per my email”
Translation: Okay, one more time.

“With respect”
Translation: I’ve about hit my limit with you.

“Whilst I appreciate”
Translation: I don't give a shit about your whining.

“As I’m sure you’re aware”
Translation: How can you be so goddam dumb?

Show threadEarthboundValkyrieNov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems
Wow! I didn't know I was British!
@JudyHelfrich
Show threadJ.M. HelfrichNov 24, 2022
@Kriselda @verybritishproblems Same! 😂
Show threadKingsdockNov 24, 2022
@verybritishproblems found you! 😀👍