juniper camerynJul 14, 2022

You know I spent years riddled with anxiety over how to properly support people and prove I'm an empathetic and caring person.

Don't interrupt people, never relate to a story with personal experience, tell people their feelings are valid, etc etc. But like the thing is that formulaic advice doesn't make for secure or authentic connections. 1/

Show threadjuniper camerynJul 14, 2022
I also spent much of that time by worrying that no one was going to tell me if I did something that hurt them and by and large I was correct. Because no one is allowed to make anyone else feel bad. No one knows how to talk openly and just be a normal person about it. 2/
Show threadjuniper camerynJul 14, 2022
Then we internalize our frustration and vent it with others who will do what they're supposed to do - validate us - and that's how you get weird toxic/cliquey/even sometimes culty group dynamics. You validate and shore up someone's experience even when you wanna be like "maybe they meant this?" or "did you express this to them?" We throw others under the bus because we're afraid to express nuance lest we invalidate someone.
FishercatJul 14, 2022
Show threadjuniper cameryn
It seems scary but it's honestly not that complex: figure out how to be hurt and disappointed and get comfortable hurting and disappointing others. Challenge yourself when you notice that you're demonizing someone for upsetting you. Allow yourself to be mad at people without needing a reason to think they're a bad person and allow others to be mad at you without taking on their projections. The reward is greater peace in your life and stronger connections to others. 4/
Jul 14, 2022 at 10:15pmWeb