CJ Mallard
Lynnesbian 
this post is sponsored by squarespace. need a website that looks like every other fucking website in the world? have we got the deal for you. it's microsoft frontpage as a service, baby.
i had a shower this morning and then looked in the mirror and still felt kind of self conscious about my appearance. was i doing something wrong? am i really not attractive enough, or is the media getting inside my head? i asked my wife and she told me i'm beautiful as ever. is that a good thing? i felt like everyone was judging me when i went outside. like i was being watched. and if you feel the same when you're on the internet, you need nordVPN. using military grade encryption, nordVPN protects you fro
i've been seeing the psych for nearly a year. he's trying his best, but i thought i was just fundamentally broken. life didn't feel exciting to me anymore. i'm only thirty and i feel like i've done it all. sure, having a successful youtube channel is nice, and i can make the videos about whatever i want, but... but i don't feel like i *want* anything. you know when you play a video game for way too long and it starts feeling like there's nothing left? you've found all the patterns, the routines, even the random quests seem to be repeating. that's what life felt like to me. it was just on a loop. i had a schedule, a list of things to do, and i did them. i felt like life was a fucking flowchart that i'm just stepping through every day until i finally die. but something changed. i broke out. i finally found a way to find life enjoyable again. lootcrate sends you a monthly package filled with exciting conte
seriously though i hate it when youtube channels do this
half a interesting is probably the worst case of it i've ever seen. they'll go on a half minute spiel just to loosely connect the subject of the video to squarespace or nordVPN or fucking audible
i relied far too much on my wife. i just felt like she'd be there forever. like she'd never leave me.
plane crashes are so rare that i felt like it would never happen. if i had gone with her to her parent's house for christmas, i'd be dead too. what did i do to deserve to live? why did she have to die? she was the nicest person you could ever meet. not a mean bone in her body. my wife of forty years... gone in an instant.
i didn't leave the house for a week after that. couldn't bring myself to do anything. the dishes piled up, food rotted, but i didn't care. the earth could have crashed into the sun and i wouldn't have moved. i just wanted her back.
i needed to eat after a while. i'd eaten all the leftovers she'd cooked, the snacks she'd bought... i had to do things for myself. but i couldn't bring myself to leave that goddamned house. that was the last place i saw her alive. where i said goodbye. our last kiss. our last memory. but i couldn't just stay inside and not eat anything. i had to do something. anything.
that's when i found out about blue apron. every week, a set of deliciou
okay maybe this one was too much
this life is sponsored by audible dot com. for every new subscriber using the referral code i'll get ten more days to live
dani little ponie 
🐜 
@lynnesbian Please recommend me an audiobook that completely changed your life in the last 13 days that I should use as my free trial
Alexis [moving]@lynnesbian I had to stare at my monitor for a bit while figuring out if I wanted to boost it. It's fantastically well-crafted, but *damn.* Just... Damn.
@LexYeen i'm sorry for writing sad 
@lynnesbian It's very well-written sad that I think you should be proud of, because it points out the darker aspects of living under capitalism. Or at least that's my opinion. I'm just one meat popsicle in the freezer case. 
Sophie McLeish ⚧ Ⓐ 🦄 🔞@lynnesbian Close, but you didn't quite get it, too crafted.
Why are we so assured about that? Well 'cos we've lost two wives. One to a car accident, one to cancer.
That's not a shitpost or a sympathy thing, it just is.
looking at all the horrified responses, i am reminded why i made dissoci8n a separate account
your friend@lynnesbian
your toot associations are brilliant
if people are complaining they are wrong
@MrJimmy i'm referring to how i keep @dissoci8n separate from my main account
@lynnesbian
oh yeah, but like a sad shitpost is still a shitpost
i was just saying if you think that these belong here, i support that!
@MrJimmy ahh ok
grant (new main at radtown)@lynnesbian good god lynne
LizSmells@lynnesbian oh my god
well done
@lynnesbian Ok, but I'm going to pay squarespace to make my "terrible podcast/youtube" ads fanwebsite! This is definitely a good use of my money thank you ad script I've heard 20 times this week with slight modifications
Sydney “The Word” Falk 
okay you do realize that this exact mechanism will be inevitable in text as well, right?
a bot that generates these things would print ironic money
@lynnesbian lynne as ur gf i need to let you know that ur gorgeous
so i will let u know by sending u a secure message thru my nordvpn
Valery 💖@lynnesbian jfc this made me choke on my tea 😂
Jacie? 🐦🐦🐦🐦@lynnesbian need a website that looks like it was made by a sophomore graphic design student following a flowchart?
@lynnesbian need a website that was spawned straight from the depths of Mediocrity Hell? a website that screams "Let's bring back Web 2.0 as a buzzword?"
Vx. Princess "size_t queen" Grace 
@lynnesbian no, you're thinking of Wix, the other people that do exactly what we do and have the same ads. fuck you
@lynnesbian this smooch is sponsored by dani being gay 