I'm in such a slump with my writing at the moment. I'd like to blame the phd but it's not just that. The thesis chair has to approve my edits and then once I've made any changes she suggests, I'll submit the *actual* final thesis and then I'm officially a doctor.
I am just so over it all of it -- I mean, I'm happy to be done and when I reread it, it's fine, you know? But I feel so unmotivated to pitch the novel or rework my favourite chapter into a paper to submit somewhere, like, what is the point? It's an oversaturated market, and my writing is completely fine but it's not award-winning stuff... and that's OK too, I know not everyone's work is, but if it isn't, it's harder sell your work and make the money. Ideally, that wouldn't matter but here we are in late capitalism, right?
In my day job, I am obliged to use ChatGPT and it just destroys me that it's so quick to write more or less decent stuff (it's not amazing but it's totally usable) and I guess part of my grief around this is related to my own self esteem. I want to matter, to feel like my writing is worth something, and the way that so many people have embraced LLMs tells me is that it isn't, that art is nothing special, that creatives are replaceable and that our work is meaningless now.
I know in my heart that's probably not true. The people who've always cared about art still care about art. I just feel like I care about my own less and less these days. Sigh.
#writing #phd #ai #HumanCreatedArt #sad #WhatsThePoint