Well I did it anyway.

It was hard to go do it, hard to do it and hard to accept that I FINALLY WALKED A MILE because if nothing else I’m a stubborn bastard.
It doesn’t feel like it’s an achievement.
*What? You did what you were supposed to be doing!*

How am I ever supposed to feel good about this if I’m incapable of releasing the reward chemicals when I do the “right” thing? Fuck knows.

#TaperingTroggie #GLP1 #Weightloss #Diet #WeightlossJourney

I have to go get on the walking pad. I’ve ordered D out of the house because I can’t possibly do it with him here. So I have to do it. If I don’t then why am I even doing this?
I could buy a reasonable amount of cake instead of a new pen of wegovy.
Walking is doing nothing to lose the weight. Even though it hurts already. You’re not doing enough. You haven’t even managed to do a mile yet.
But if you don’t do it today then you’re failing.
So you might as well give up now.

#TaperingTroggie #GLP1 #Weightloss #Diet #WeightlossJourney

Another check in day. I’m 0.8kg down. Or 0.5kg if you believe the scales when I stepped on to do the official weight on the app as opposed the same scales literally 2 minutes prior.

Feels like I’ve hit a bit of a plateau and I’m not handling it particularly well. I don’t know if it’s hormones but I’m feeling pretty nihilistic about the whole process today.

Not helped by taking the extremely ill-advised step of calculating how long it’d take to get to X weight at my current rate of loss.
3 years. Over 3 years actually. And I’d still be considered obese. I’d still get doctors telling me to lose weight. I’d still be seen as fat.

But it’s fine because a couple of pounds a week is *good* weightloss right? It’s sustainable. It’s healthy.

No. It’s not fast enough. So my brain starts doing what it does and did you know 3 years is? That’s £6,350 worth of wegovy. To still be fat? Assuming the price doesn’t go up, which it definitely will.
But I’m almost certainly not going to have the money to keep taking it by then.
Also I’ll be over 50 and it’s only going to get harder to lose once I fully hit menopause.

I’m 11kg down now and I’ve noticed no difference. I could probably lose another 11kg and still not look or feel any different.

The fact that just sorting diet out is not enough already. I have to look at increasing exercise and that terrifies me. I hate admitting that because the shame it brings. But the amount of pain and discomfort that comes with that is a monumental Great Wall like 10 million feet high that is and always has been my biggest obstacle.

I’m tearful. I’m angry. Every cell of my brain is screaming at me to just give up.

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So here are my goals, in no particular order:

1. I used to love rollercoasters. I vividly remember the last time I tried to get on one. There’s nothing quite like the shame of having to walk back along the line because they couldn’t get the harness to close fully.
I would very much like to put that particular demon to rest.

2. I would like to get to a point where I could go to a UK clothes shop that isn’t Yours.

3. I’d like to be able to go on holiday and not panic that if my suitcase went missing I’d be stuck with what I’m wearing because I could just buy something locally.

4. Speaking of holidays, I would like to fly without a seatbelt extender.

5. I would love to not have to consider the structural integrity of chairs or the measurement between the seating and the table in a booth or picnic table ever again.

6. I would like to consider hang gliding or skydiving or going up in helicopter or a hot air balloon etc.
I don’t even necessarily want to do them, I would just like to have the option.

What no numbers weightloss goals do you have or have had?

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After a SA at 16 I started losing weight rapidly. My parents were unaware and mum would praise me for “looking better”.

My mental health also started to decline and plummeted after I went to uni. I was undiagnosed autistic with ptsd dealing with a huge life change and lack of structure.
With nobody watching every calorie I consumed for the first time in my life, I turned to food to gain a sense of control and have been using it as a coping mechanism ever since.

Which is a very long way to explain why I think my goal can’t be numbers. I know I’m tracking and posting my weight now but it’s mostly just proof to keep getting the pens as they won’t send them otherwise. I’m hoping to get to a point where I don’t have to pay much attention to that and focus more on how I feel.

#TaperingTroggie #WeightlossJourney

I started puberty fairly early and basically stopped growing upwards. I only recently learned that’s a thing that can happen. Hormones are bastards.
But I was fit. As well as all the bands and orchestras, I also did some form of dance 2-4 times a week. Ballet, tap, modern, national. I did the lot.

I was averaging women’s size 16 most of my mid-late teenage years.
My mother would forever complain about finding clothes.
When I was about 12 my ballet teacher suggested I wear tights as I’d be “more comfortable”. I was the only one in my class she told this to.

Look at the fatty in the tights. 🙄

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