Eventually I pivoted my build to a #Nagakiba with #Unsheathe and found the fight infinitely easier.
https://fextralife.com/elden-ring-intelligence-samurai-build-guide-soul-samurai/
Each attack did practically double damage. I had so many more punish windows with Unsheathe, rolling R1 attacks are actually viable, I even got an occasional stance break.
I'm not sure if Rellana's twin blade is just too stat hungry for a NG build or what, but I didn't feel the need to change build for *any* other DLC boss. The only similar experience I had was my first playthrough of the base game where I took a shield into #Malenia and watched her heal faster than I could do damage.
After switching build I beat him on like my third try. Not because I learned his phase 2 moveset but because I got lucky a couple times, had enough flasks and resistance to stay alive, and plain out-damaged him.