toyboxRE: https://mastodon.social/@Toyboxy/116675439127860595
YESSS he got out yayyy
anyways im at 97.2 lbs yayyy I haven't gained anything
I have a little extra on me bc I havent like used the bathroom n stuff.
I gave up on my dream school because the school district I live in now won't let me out to attend that one, even though my dream school been accepted me. I've tried for a few years already and I just dont care anymore I just want out of this horrible racist school im at rn. We're gonna try and do online instead and maybe fast track my courses. I might do early college too. I would need to be a lot more disciplined, but im willing for anything as long as I can get out.
everything is 100 0r nothing at al I js wanna feel like a normal person I want to understand things like a normal person I wanna fix it I wanna get rid of it and if I dont get rid of it I'll put my loved one's through pain bcus my brain is too much and evil and im not trying to be evil but if I dont very actively beat my brain in to behaving properly I become the worst person ever but its so fucking exhausting to keep up
I js wanna fucking die
I dont ever wanna get better I just wanna decay because the future is so scary, but when im with my love it feels less scary so I try to think about my darling all the time to distract from the feeling. but then I get my hopes up and getting my hopes up is scary and a horrible mistake so I go back to wanting to die because thee amount of dread I feel has been squared.
I was listening 2 a sewerslvt song on Soundcloud and ppl were venting in the comments and some goodie goodie was like "change is hard I hope you all quit ur sh" or wtv and AHEFSJG I FUCKING HATE THAT SHIT GO FUCK YOURSELF idk it makes me pissed like it feels like im being looked down on or pitied like FUCK OFF and like I know thats not what they meant but still like god forbid a bitch has a hobby, this shit keeps me alive? isn't that good?