The day I hated
Hi reader.
I just had a horrible day today. This internship start to feel more like a torture. Even there is couple nice person… I hate it with passion. There is people who still not willing to even say good morning or hi in the morning, and of course the eye rolling people who just see me and they know I will ask them if there is any kind of job to do so they already make this pissed ass face from the distance just to make sure you hate to go and ask. Then there is the “oh u here” people who already watching you but act like they not… just to act like oh yey u here but secretly they wish you was not around. And the new random person who literally take the work off of your hand. Like wtf bro… not cool. Anyway… they just make sure you feel as an outsider and an unwanted person around because of the lack of language skills. Doesn’t matter that you are a hardworking person who just want to prove their worth and survive until the end so you can finish your language course… in the end you will feel miserable and time flies painfully slow. The worst is that I feel like I have to say sorry for my existence, or for being there, for moving to their country and trying to do my best… and that shit sting… that opens deep cuts deep inside me. So I am on my mission to get a new internship place for the leftover 3 weeks. I even contacted my teacher and asked his opinion about the situation. It sucks because this place was a dream of mine. I love this shop and I have the skills for this job. Yes I know my language sucks but I not even try to speak it honestly after I feel judged and worthless. Im sad… all I wanted is to prove that I am a person who not give up but if I think about going there another 3 weeks… I wish I could just jump under a train. What a mess… sometimes it really feels like a punishment to be a foreigner in finland.
Funny tho that finland and finnish people in general all try to act like accepting and welcoming and absolutely pc n shit. But when they could prove it they fail you. I dont ask to be special, or loved by everyone… but please if I try to do my best to finish my school… at least dont shit to my mouth and make me lose all my studies and support just because u hate my guts or you hate me because I not speak your language fluently, or bc Im just me. After all Im an unpaid intern who try to survive in a new country… Im not taking your job, Im not taking your money, not taking your life…. I JUST TRY TO SURVIVE!
#anxiety #blog #bpd #diary #finland #life #mentalHealth #mentalhealth #mielenterveys #ocd #psykiatria #psykologia #struggles #suomi #terapia #therapy #toxic #update #writing
Drink of Jesus
Phangurl Di 🖖
Global News National
Global News Toronto
DoomsdaysCW
Alexey Skobkin
🌙
Incessant
GESU
𝖑𝖎𝖙𝖙𝖑𝖊𝖇𝖎𝖙𝖘𝖕𝖆𝖈𝖊