Master Negotiator: President Trump Has Signed A Deal To Dissolve The US Military In Exchange For Iran Writing A 5-Star Review Of The White House On Google Maps - Divisions by zero

> What a massive win-win for the United States and Iran alike. Here’s to peacetime!

The Onion

As a singer made her way onto the field to kickoff another home game with “The Star-Spangled Banner,” White Sox public address announcer Gene Honda politely reminded fans Tuesday to remove the Polish...

Taking Spirit’s Lead: United Airlines Is Ceasing Operations After Learning You Can Do That - Divisions by zero

> Representatives at United were very clear that one of the reasons they hated being an airline was dealing with customers, whom they described in ways that advertising experts and marketing gurus have characterized as “dehumanizing,” “aggressive,” and “innovative.”

EPA Approves Use Of Napalm As Pesticide - sh.itjust.works

> WASHINGTON—Saying they saw no reason to limit any potential agricultural use of the flammable combination of gelling agents and gasoline, officials at the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency approved napalm as a pesticide Friday.

The Onion

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Study Finds iPhone Lowered Birth Rate

A new paper published by the National Bureau of Economic Research found that the release of the Apple iPhone in 2007 contributed to a decline in the birth rate, especially among teens and young...

The Onion

Urging audiences to see his new film on the biggest screen possible, Disclosure Day director Steven Spielberg claimed in an interview Friday that IMAX provided the best way to experience Josh...