The Onion

Moments after he mistakenly turned the shower knob in the wrong direction, local man Dennis Rowley confirmed Thursday that sometimes in this life, things have to get worse before they can get...

The Onion Explains: Global Nuclear Proliferation Pt. 3

The Onion Explains: Global Nuclear Proliferation Pt. 3

The Onion

Believing that he was establishing a firm line between who he was as a person and what he did for a living, local man Jordan Wheeler, an employee of Creighton Industries who will ultimately spend...

The Onion

Lamenting his lack of foresight and preparation in choosing to have a full order of barbecued chicken wings without a proper supply of wiping materials, diner Eddie Schubert, 32, sat napkinless at his...

The Onion Explains: Global Nuclear Proliferation Pt. 2

The Onion Explains: Global Nuclear Proliferation Pt. 2

The Onion

Local resident Heather Telford’s entire Friday was ruined by a set of uncooperative bangs that refused to set correctly, the 26-year-old benefits coordinator told reporters. According to Telford, the...

The Onion

The Onion