Prison Cell to Let: The Ultimate in Brutalist Micro-Suites 🚓

Real Estate Bastard Enterprises Ltd. is utterly shit your pants delighted to announce our latest property on the market. Located in Preston city centre in an active prison, this gated community prison cell to rent is a delight from top to bottom.

Live out your Shawshank Redemption fantasies at competitive monthly rates, with a “lively” community of convicts right on your doorstep. Book your viewing today! This prison cell won’t be on the market for long.

The Slab & Iron Suite: Luxury Prison Cell Living Done Right

• Only £2,800 p/m
• NO BILLS INCLUDED
• NO PETS
• Full-service meal plan funded by public taxes
• Open-concept bathing for nudist enthusiasts
• Industrial floor-to-ceiling iron accents for in-cell security
• Biometric security from 24/7 on-site guards
• Curated social network of convicted criminals

The lease for this property is available immediately, but includes a No-Early Termination clause. This clause is strictly enforced by the state and is non-negotiable until the tenant has served a 5-10 year sentence.

Tenants concerned about the lack of privacy should remember we live in a society dominated by CCTV security recordings and 24/7 rolling social media feeds. Thus… what even truly is privacy in this day and age? Think about it.

With a cost-effective rent of a mere £2,8000 p/m remember this is all-inclusive of uniforms and orange couture provided by the state. You will also have a solitary bed to yourself, a sink, and a “shitter” (as the inmates call them) for your personal ablution needs.

For leisure activities and exercise, tenants are welcome to a one-hour daily window using The Yard. This is a 15ft by 15ft concrete exercise area with an armed guard watching over your every move.

As for commuting to your daily job, you’re allowed to do this but must be strip searched on leaving/entering the property to ensure you don’t have:

• Drugs
• Weapons
• Bubble gum

If you’re found, in particular, to have any brand of bubble gum this’ll be taken out back and detonated with Semtex.

Please note, you must also wear your prisoner uniform in and around your day/job to confirm your status as a prisoner/tenant. This does mean some police officers out on the police may mistake you for an escaped convict and taser you to the ground while your scream like a big girl.

Former Tenant Testimonial

“I’m Derek and I moved into Cell 402 in May 2022. During my wonderful stay in this prison cell I made many friends, was stabbed 25 times in 24 months by inmates, and was even headbutted by a guard! Other than that, there are few distractions other than a window, plus free Wi-Fi access that’s restricted to 30 minutes a day for ‘educational time’ and I wasn’t allowed to access pornography, which made me heavily repressed and a little weird tbh. Oh yeah, I had to move out of the property in April 2026 because I headbutted a guard and will now be serving a six-month prison sentence in Cell 502 one floor up. We’ll be neighbours!” Prisoner 839201, former Brand Manager for Violent Vaping Enterprises Ltd.

RE: https://mstdn.ca/@TenantsUnionTO/116519818854191380

We’d more than a full house yesterday for our second orientation, if you couldn’t make it for any reason please don’t worry you can still join as a member here: https://www.tenantunion.ca/membership 😈

#ONPoli #TOPoli #Bill60 #RentControl #Landlord #Tenant #Scarborough #Etobicoke #Weston #York #EastYork #NorthYork #Toronto #TenantUnion #TenantPower #StrongerTogether #TenantRights #HousingIsAHumanRight #TorontoTenantUnion #TTU

Vidya Balan remembers her 'The Last Tenant' co-star Irrfan Khan as 'The most natural actor' #VidyaBalan #Tenant #IrrfanKhan #socialnewsxyz

https://www.socialnews.xyz/2026/05/07/vidya-balan-remembers-her-the-last-tenant-co-star-irrfan-khan-as-the-most-natural-actor/

Toronto Tenant Union mentioned  

@TheBreach: https://breachmedia.ca/landlords-watch-out-toronto-renters-form-first-city-wide-tenant-union/

The Green Line: https://thegreenline.to/stories/toronto-tenant-union/

Blueprints of Disruption: https://blueprints-of-disruption.captivate.fm/episode/scaling-up-toronto-tenants-union

Canadian Dimension: https://canadiandimension.com/articles/view/can-the-new-toronto-tenant-union-change-the-tired-housing-debate

#TheBreach #TheGreenLine #BlueprintsOfDisruption #CanadianDimension #Toronto #Scarborough #Etobicoke #Weston #York #EastYork #NorthYork #TenantUnion #TenantPower #StrongerTogether #RentControl #Bill60 #HousingIsAHumanRight #Landlord #Tenant #TenantRights #ONPoli #TOPoli #TorontoTenantUnion

WALES: ‘No kids, no benefits’ rental bans become illegal next month — here’s what tenants and landlords need to know

Welsh landlords have less than four weeks to get their house in order – because from 1 June, it will be illegal to turn away tenants simply because they have children or receive benefits.

The changes come in under the Renters’ Rights Act 2025, which received Royal Assent last October. While most of the Act applies only in England, the anti-discrimination provisions extend to Wales – and they carry real consequences for landlords who ignore them.

From 1 June, landlords and letting agents in Wales will be banned from turning away prospective tenants at any stage of the process because they have children or claim means-tested benefits. That means no refusing viewings, no withholding property information, and no blanket “no DSS” or “no children” policies.

Breaches of the new rules can result in a fixed penalty notice – typically capped at £1,000 – and local authorities will be responsible for enforcement.

Nicola Blake, Operations Director at lettings agent Cavendish, urged landlords not to be caught out. “This is a significant change for landlords in Wales,” she said, adding that landlords needed to act well ahead of the June deadline to ensure they were fully compliant.

Landlords will still be allowed to carry out affordability checks and income assessments. Benefits can still be taken into account as part of that process. And landlords will retain the right to determine whether a property is physically unsuitable for children – such as a single room in an HMO – provided that decision is based on the property itself rather than a blanket ban on families.

All landlords in Wales must also update their tenancy paperwork before 14 June. Those who already have tenants in place will need to provide either a new occupation contract or a statement of variation setting out the new terms. Failure to do so can result in tenants claiming daily compensation.

The changes come into Welsh law through the Renting Homes (Wales) Act 2016, with the new anti-discrimination provisions inserted as fundamental terms of all occupation contracts – meaning they apply automatically, whether or not a landlord updates their paperwork.

Wales’s rental landscape is already governed separately from England, with occupation contracts replacing tenancy agreements following the Renting Homes (Wales) Act reforms. The new anti-discrimination rules build on that framework, giving contract-holders the explicit legal right to have children live in or visit their home and preventing landlords from prohibiting tenants from claiming benefits they are entitled to.

The Welsh Government has published guidance for landlords on its website, alongside updated model written statement templates that reflect the new requirements.

#tenant : one who holds or possesses lands, or other real estate, by any kind of right, whether in fee simple, in common, in severalty, for life, for years, or at will

- French: locataire

- German: der Mieter

- Italian: inquilino

- Portuguese: inquilino

- Spanish: inquilino/inquilina

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The lyrics of ‘Spring, Spring, Spring’ as sung by Bing Crosby and Fred Astaire are gloriously insane.

From ‘While there's no antelope who feels that he can't elope’ to ‘To itself, each amoeba softly croons, "Ach, du Lieber"’…those rhymes!

https://www.musixmatch.com/lyrics/Bing-Crosby-Fred-Astaire/Spring-Spring-Spring

#SpringSpringSpring #BingCrosby #FredAstaire #JohnnyMercer #spring #printemps #antelope #cocoon #amoeba #termite #worm #songlyrics #tenant #pennant #elope #rhymes

She cannot pay rent with money so she offers something better 🍑🔥💦 Landlord approved — those big tits are worth more than any deposit

👉 go.yuniporn.com/bigtits-tenant

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