Chinyere Okoli-AzzalarabWhen He’s So Good It’s Actually Stressful
Hey everyone, Tina here. Let’s have a little heart-to-heart about the men we married. Specifically, let’s talk about the ones who are so incredibly decent that it actually makes us lose our minds.
I was sitting on the couch last night, watching my husband do the dishes—unprompted, mind you—and instead of thinking, “Wow, I married a gem,” my brain decided to take a dark, chaotic turn. I looked at him and thought, “Wait a minute. He’s being too helpful. What is he hiding? Is there a secret boat? Is he planning to tell me he wants to move to a farm in the middle of nowhere and raise alpacas?”
The “Clear Red Flag” of a Clean Kitchen
Welcome to the internal world of Tina, where a clean kitchen is a “clear red flag.”
You know the vibe. You’re having a perfectly peaceful Saturday. He’s been great all week—he handled the school run, he remembered that random thing you mentioned wanting from the grocery store three weeks ago, and he’s been genuinely attentive.
Preparing for the Imaginary Court Case
Most people would call that a “blessing.” I call it “The Setup.”
Within ten minutes, I’ve spiraled. I start inventing these elaborate, multi-layered scenarios in my head. I’m thinking, “Okay, he’s being this nice because he definitely forgot my mother’s birthday next month,” or “He probably shrunk my favorite sweater and is trying to butter me up before I find it in the back of the closet.”
I build these stories up until I’m practically fuming. I’m standing there, mentally preparing my closing arguments for a court case that doesn’t exist. I’m ready to absolutely beat his ass for the “crimes” my imagination just committed. I’ll walk into the room with my “I know what you did” face, and he’ll just look up from his book, completely oblivious, and say, “Hey honey, I saved you the last of the good snacks.”
Confronting the Reality of a Good Heart
And just like that, the “tough girl” act evaporates.
It hits me like a ton of bricks: This man genuinely has the best heart I’ve ever known. There’s no hidden boat. There are no secret alpacas. He’s just a man who loves me and wants to make my life easier because he thinks I’m worth it.
The CEOs of “What If” and Letting Go of Guardedness
It’s actually kind of embarrassing when you think about it. We spend so much energy being “on guard” because we’ve been conditioned to think that everything has a catch. We’re so used to the “too good to be true” trap that when the “Real Deal” finally shows up and puts a ring on it, our brains don’t know how to process it without creating a little bit of drama just to feel at home.
I think, as women, we’re just hardwired to be the CEOs of “What If.” We’re protectors of the peace, which ironically means we sometimes destroy our own peace looking for threats.
Appreciating the High-Quality Problems
But honestly? Having a husband who is “too good to be true” is a high-quality problem to have. If my biggest struggle today is that I had to talk myself down from an imaginary fight because he’s being too sweet, then I guess I’m doing okay.
So, to my husband: I’m sorry I was mad at you for twenty minutes because of a conversation we had entirely in my head. Thank you for having a heart of gold and for putting up with my “scenario-making” self. You really are the best.
Alright, ladies, tell the truth: What’s the wildest scenario you’ve ever made up about your husband just because he was being “suspiciously” nice? Let’s laugh at ourselves in the comments!
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