Animal abuser, Trump sycophant, and law enforcement cosplayer ...Kirsti? Krusty? Wait, no, KIRSTI Noem was fired as the head of the Department of Homeland Security today amidst allegations that she made her tyrannical fascist boss look bad by accidentally telling the truth. She will, however, remain an employee of the most toxic and least popular U.S. president ever. Effective immediately, she is transitioning into a brand new, made up goverment department with no real mission and no real purpose, which aligns well with her skillset of being useless piece of racist flotsam.

At this time, it is unclear whether her "totes not a fuck buddy" unpaid intern will be accompanying her.

She is succeeded by MMArkwayne (phoenetic Muh Muh Markwayne) MMullin, a Republican senator best known for picking testosterone fueled fights during senate proceedings and living in a state most U.S. residents secretly view as Temu Texas.

When asked to articulate his plans for the Department of Homeland Security, MMArkwayne (probably) slammed a protein drink and screamed "KEEP THE HOMELAND SECURE!" (Actual quote.)

MMArk declined to answer whether his belief that "every now and then, you need to get punched in the face" (actual quote) will apply to his new fascist overlords, or if he'll "yes daddy harder" his new boss like the rest of his cowardly Republican colleagues have.

#Politics #KirstiNoem #USPol #DHS #MarkwayneMullins #Trump #Roast #Salty #Parody #Republican