اِنْـفِـصـالٌ عـاطِفِـيٌّ (emotional detachment);
There are times when you stare at your reflection and just wonder: Who is that on the other end? Or how about that time when you remember when you were 10, and now suddenly you're just… 45, as if there was nothing in between? Or how about looking around you, and just can't make a connection or feel any to anything that "used" to have a meaning for you at some point in life? Not the most pleasant experience, surely.
Many say that one becomes "foggy" after 40 and will typically lose focus. However, there is definitely something exceptional in this process when it comes to living a war around the age of 10, and growing up with its consequences; which would last decades. A war that still pushes buttons inside and gives a mental strain after all these years.
Meanwhile, the retirement (at 41) has this "strange" transformation; Things don't feel as they were, as in my 30s and 20s, when I had some bits of social life. My life was closing down slowly, but with retirement, the circle tightened to the limit that meeting people, new or old, sounds… just weird.
Those lost memories, good and bad, that occurred some time between 10 and 30: Where did it all go? Those friends that I passed by and had fun with, where are they now? Suddenly, everything disappeared and changed, in such a quick pace that my mental capacity can't find the proper algorithm to cope with.
Things that I used to love (or miss) sound and feel detached from my mental process, like a new born baby trying to learn the world from scratch and make sense of it all from the very beginning. A process that probably a 45-year-old mind is not yet capable of bearing with. It's the feeling of being born in the wrong place, at the wrong time, with the wrong people, while all there is left is a murky pond to stare at, not knowing what to do…
#detachment #emotional #emotions #reflect #reflection #stilllife #still_life #project #match #matchsticks #goodmorning
Ron Piggott
Hacker News
Globe to Go
サファイア・ネオ
TJ
Rigolocations