Diary for my belovedOur day together thwarted and stress of upcoming family court
The weather is lovely and I was excited to spend our first proper outside day together this year. There is buzz around, people are wearing their summer clothes and busy making their way to see loved ones.
I thought I was lucky that the train strikes had been called off, the route went from rail replacements and alternatives to the most straightforwa rd normal route. This morning, with a little dread, I saw the trains could be disrupted but I expected this would mean, at worst, I would take the 2 hour rail replacement route.
I’ve come to terms that to see you it can include over 4 hours of the day travelling, barely less than the time I actually get to see you. ‘Quality time’, it is not.
Sadly, in the end the direct route wasn’t running and the rail replacement route’s trains were cancelled due to lack of staff.
I went across stations dragging the buggy and bag with your items, trying to find a route. As time went on the cancellations continued, defeated, I decided to head back home.
It’s still the morning but I feel exhausted. I can’t make sense how this is going to work for the future. It’s like all the forces are against me when all I want is to be a meaningful part of your life and kiss your lovely little head.
A double slap in my face
The reason I was travelling to see you on a Saturday instead of a Sunday was because a while back I had agreed to your mum’s request to swap days to accommodate Mother’s Day. I then realised that strikes would make it difficult because rail replacements aren’t organised during strikes, so I asked your mum to swap back otherwise it would be a very difficult journey for me.
With no remorse she refused, instead insisting that I should’ve known. I’m stupid for expecting else from her.
A lot of the strikes are called off last minute but I didn’t expect that services would still be a mess, as some staff didn’t go to work and trains would be cancelled anyway. Unlike with rail works, when there are cancellations, there are no rail replacements either.
The stress of court
Court is this Friday and your mum has continued to wear down opportunities for us to connect.
She planned the outcome she wanted, she’s keeping us apart and making it as difficult as possible for us to have a relationship.
I won’t give up because although I feel like the unluckiest person in the world right now, at the same time I feel the luckiest because you exist. I think about your infinite beauty, tenderness and I’m intrigued about everything about you.
Listen through the podcast
https://open.spotify.com/episode/1wH83ftot7qOWUfcOCoxrw?si=ctonJ-faSJ-laPEhlRDamg
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Cornelia Funke
ANDY 🤍🌈💚
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