"I’ll be revenged on the whole pack of you," I growl, brandishing my biggest kitchen knife above the defenseless packet of bacon that absolutely refuses to "pull here to open." Grrr!

#outofcontextshakespeare #TwelfthNight #Malvolio

"O, that this too too solid flesh would melt." Diet's not going quite to plan. I think that packet of Jaffa Cakes (I just ate) may have something to do with it.

#outofcontextshakespeare #Hamlet #JaffaCakesAreBiscuits

"Fillet of a fenny snake, in the cauldron boil and bake; eye of newt and toe of frog, wool of bat and tongue of dog, adder's fork and blind-worm's sting, lizard's leg and owlet's wing." Sheesh! Zucchini bread recipes are getting more and more complicated.

#outofcontextshakespeare #Macbeth #SecondWitch #zucchini

"Fie, fie! Unknit that threat’ning unkind brow, and dart not scornful glances from those eyes, to wound thy lord, thy king, thy governor." Every time I look at myself in that darned lying mirror.

#outofcontextshakespeare #TheTamingOfTheShrew #Katherine

"What, art thou mad? art thou mad? Is not the truth
the truth?" My reaction whenever I accidentally tune in to Fox News.

#outofcontextshakespeare #HenryIVPartI #Falstaff

"Oh, beware, my lord, of jealousy! It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on." My stomach when the waiter brings my food, but I've just seen what the next table ordered.

#outofcontextshakespeare #Othello #Iago

"If we shadows have offended, think but this, and all is mended, that you have but slumber’d here while these visions did appear. And this weak and idle theme, no more yielding but a dream. Gentles, do not reprehend: if you pardon, we will mend."

Wife: "So, did they say when they're coming to fix the wifi?"

Me: "Ummm... Tomorrow, I think."

#outofcontextshakespeare #amidsummernightsdream