I’ve been so tired today.

I posted a video asking about what some guy issues I’ve been having might be being caused by, and the resounding verdict seems to be my  gallbladder. So I guess that means greasy food – including the spicy Italian sandwich I got from Subway earlier – should probably be out of the question.

We’ll see.. I am a slut for pizza, and sometimes grease is worth the pain.

I made an appointment to talk about this further with my PCP, and I should be seeing her next week I think.

Wish me luck, I suppose.

-Allēna

Well, we tried to go to an open mic in Rockford, IL this evening.

But it turned out to be canceled. So I’m just curled up watching Stargate again with a massive headache.

-Allēna

Well, we tried to go to an open mic in Rockford, IL this evening.

But it turned out to be canceled. So I’m just curled up watching Stargate again with a massive headache.

-Allēna

I had my long expected neurology appointment today.

Based on the EEG and observations, the seizures look nonepileptic, but we’re getting an MRI on the 28th just in case and to establish a new baseline on the Brainhole anyway. The poor, sweet doctor was taken aback when I attempted to describe the differences in feeling between the right and left sides of my body. I don’t think he’d seen anything like it yet.

Overall things went pretty well. He also suggested keeping a headache diary, so if I have a bad headache that day, I’ll do my best to write it down here, as well as what I think the trigger is.

-Allēna

I was out of the house almost alllll day.

And I feel like if I move my knee wrong, I won’t be able to walk on my right leg. This winter has aggravated my joints a great deal but this… It feels…bad…

-Allēna

#medicalDiary #sliceOfLife

Fatigue continues. I’m so eepy.

-Allēna

#medicaldiary

That EEG took me the hell out and I’m still tired..

Ironically, I had to miss an epilepsy themed open mic because of it. Still no results that I can see. -Allēna

#medicalDiary #neisvoid

I got my EEG today at long last.

Ow ow ow. My brainhole has been strobed 😭😭 but my results should come in tomorrow or soon afterwards.

-Allēna

#medicaldiary

“answer”

I could ask my body
what will I do when it has fallen
and regardless of which side I try and
coax, pry, cajole, or beat an answer from –
the deaf side or the silent one,
the answer is always the same:

it already has.

sixteen percent of my brain died before I was
a year old, I fought tooth and nail to keep
my own heart. (I was finally removed from
the transplant list when I was 12)
I’ve had to re-learn how to walk twice,
I spent this past july remembering
how to talk again
after nearly dying for the nineteenth
time. I couldn’t form a coherent sentence for
a month after a seizure episode approximately
twenty five minutes long
I’ve been everything short of shot
and sometimes I wish I had been
just to get the dying over with
because “what doesn’t kill you makes you
stronger” is a goddamn myth
sometimes what doesn’t kill you makes you
wish you were dead

the deaf side of my body and the silent side
are asymmetrical, imperfect mirrors of each other
an invisible remnant of the stroke in ‘98
I can feel the right side but it doesn’t often
tell me anything anymore because where it should’ve been able to talk my mother screamed
over it and told me I was faking my pain
and my sadness, my fear, that I was just
looking for attention, and it was beaten into
listening to her instead (she had a knack for
going for the face)
it took 24 years to fully break free and by that time
my mind had shattered as well

so, what will I do now that my body has fallen?
same thing I’ve done since I was a child.
rest, get up, do the damn thing again
and try to listen for better whispers

-Allēna 10/27/2025

#ActuallyADHD #actuallyAuDHD #ActuallyAutistic #mayswenson #medicalDiary #milwaukee #poetry #responsepoem #seizure #stroke #tbi

I got labs drawn to definitively check for a peanut allergy today.

We’ll see what happens.

I’m eepy now, though, so it’s probably nap time.

-Allēna

#allergicreaction #medicaldiary