Rumination - Behind The Scenes.

So, I've been idle a bit with my project here, and posting as well, as a friend visited and I had to be with them for like 3 days. I was supposed to post this last Friday, but anyway, here I am.
Now as usual, this is the "behind the scenes" post for my previous post from this project, and honestly there is not much to show here because the shot is indeed simple in its composition. In the sample here, the topmost shot is for the setting itself. Originally, I was thinking of using the usual white background, but to add some touch of darkness to the idea of rumination, I've decided to dig this old black foam board (or whatever it is called), and surprise surprise, I didn't have an idea before that that it could provide a reflection, and for this I've used a polarizer in hope that the reflection would become better (but honestly, it didn't do much).
Originally, I've decided to use 50mm to shoot (center), as I usually think about having some enough space to crop the image (just in case I need to), but after many shots and trials with various angles, I've changed to 100mm (bottom) as it provides better details. After all, I wouldn't need to crop much with such a simple shot. Of course, the two shots here are just samples from many, as I was changing the POV and getting closer and further, and at some point I've even used extension tubes with the 50mm, but working with 100mm (macro lens) was better over all, though I had to keep a distance. In addition to that, I was changing the light direction (handheld speedlite) in between shots. Also, during the shoot, I've used a black mist filter but I don't think it added much to the looks; I'd say it would probably be significant with backlighting maybe, but I'm not sure. All in all, the rest of the story was all about editing and trying to emphasize the dark atmosphere with a dramatic contrast and reflection.

#behindthescenes #project #match #edit #editing #miniature #matchsticks #goodmorning

اِجْـتِـرار (rumination)


Probably one of the most destructive hidden sides of daydreaming, beside the colorful and pink-glasses view that most texts and people make of it, would be (I argue) the comparison between what you are, what you were, and what you are dreaming to be. An act that is typically stamped as "Rumination"; going over the past all over again and again trying to solve something, something hidden, yet, it's not there, because it is the past and nothing to solve there, but you keep thinking; or maybe I should say, overthinking.

The issue is, at the core, is that you know that it's all gone and can't be fixed, yet, you take some amuse somehow in recalling that broken and fragile Self of the past; maybe somehow and in someway, we can call it a "self-flagellation". Yet, you keep on staring on these broken pieces of yours from the past and try to let them fit together in a hopeless trial to reconstruct, learn, make things better, despite your confirmed acknowledgement that the past will not come back, and it's all gone.

Do yourself a favor, friend. When you find your broken pieces scattered in front of you, just jump over them and keep walking. I'd even say, sweep them under a rug, but probably that would cause you to stare more at these broken pieces of you and your heart for a longer time. So, don't stare, don't touch, just jump over. The puzzle pieces you were hoping to put together to make a picture of you will never fit together, because that someone, and now you are someone else…

Keep on going, my friend…


#rumination #ruminating #think #overthink #project #miniature #matchsticks #goodmorning

Longing - Behind The Scenes

So, this is the "behind the scenes" post for last Friday's post. The shot this time was pretty simple, with a tiny hard part; and that is cutting that little blue heart! My manual skills aren't that great, so there was a bit of a struggle here. Also for the record, the final shape of the heart here was edited to make it smoother as it is in the post last week!
Generally, the setting was simple, just gluing this match to a piece of paper and dropping the heart on it. I was aiming to let the heart appear as if hanging in midair but then I thought that would be such an unnecessary complication. The rest of the game was to play with the direction of the shadow to have some meaningful impact.
Here, I'm combining all the test shots with various directions for the shadows (by changing the speedlite direction, by hand). Honestly, I do like them all, but in the end, I had to pick only 3 for merging various parts of light and shadow. The shooting was done with 35mm lens on purpose, to give me more freedom with cropping.
As always, my preferred crop ratio is 1:1 (or square) and I was somewhat perplexed on how to do it, but since the shadow is extending towards the lower left corner, I was forced to put the whole body nudged to the right. I've used the rule of thirds here around the head of the matchstick. I do feel it is a bit imbalanced and probably the matchstick should have been on the left since it is facing right, but the shadow would be out of the frame at this point, and casting the shadow in any other direction wouldn't make it as clear and perpendicular to the matchstick.

#project #behindthescenes #matchsticks #35mm #shadow #light #goodmorning

الْـهُـروبِـيَّـة (Escapism);

Typically, the term "escapism" had been viewed under a negative light, despite its various fields of practice for individuals; Some choose substance abuse and the like to escape reality, while some use creativity and arts - whatever it is, that doesn't seem to budge the negative view of such a term.
Anyway, far off from the world of psychology or whatever science that deals with such a phenomenon (or disorder, if you will?), let's ask the other way around: How sound or wise it is, to face our realities? Doesn't the mind need a break from all of this so-called reality (big part of which is filled with non-sense)? This is not a call to legitimize or think "positively" about substance abuse; No. What I'm saying here, probably the solution to this lies in preventive measures and re-direction of attitude. Honestly, though, even what might be called "positive" or "creative" escape, would still be harmful when done in an excessive manner; so much that a person can be addicted to it, in the face of a harsh reality that can't be changed (not with their own humble capabilities).

One hole in the boat, probably can be mended with a finger until you reach the nearest dock, maybe? But when the holes keep appearing, how much one would be willing to mend the boat, or how many fingers can be used in such situations? Similarly, when life hammers one with games of luck, how often one is willing to gamble in the game of success and failure? It might be argued, that escape it all, is the safest route to sanity (or insanity if you will)… Let's now leave that boat there afloat still and not shake it until it's time to wake up - till then, whenever you see someone living in another world than your own reality, check out the gambles that they've lost against life already… I'm sure you'll understand.

#escape #escapism #project #match #matchsticks #HSS #highspeed #high-speed #water #action #motion #surreal #surrealism #impression #impressionism #goodmorning

اِنْـفِـصـالٌ عـاطِفِـيٌّ (emotional detachment);

There are times when you stare at your reflection and just wonder: Who is that on the other end? Or how about that time when you remember when you were 10, and now suddenly you're just… 45, as if there was nothing in between? Or how about looking around you, and just can't make a connection or feel any to anything that "used" to have a meaning for you at some point in life? Not the most pleasant experience, surely.
Many say that one becomes "foggy" after 40 and will typically lose focus. However, there is definitely something exceptional in this process when it comes to living a war around the age of 10, and growing up with its consequences; which would last decades. A war that still pushes buttons inside and gives a mental strain after all these years.
Meanwhile, the retirement (at 41) has this "strange" transformation; Things don't feel as they were, as in my 30s and 20s, when I had some bits of social life. My life was closing down slowly, but with retirement, the circle tightened to the limit that meeting people, new or old, sounds… just weird.
Those lost memories, good and bad, that occurred some time between 10 and 30: Where did it all go? Those friends that I passed by and had fun with, where are they now? Suddenly, everything disappeared and changed, in such a quick pace that my mental capacity can't find the proper algorithm to cope with.
Things that I used to love (or miss) sound and feel detached from my mental process, like a new born baby trying to learn the world from scratch and make sense of it all from the very beginning. A process that probably a 45-year-old mind is not yet capable of bearing with. It's the feeling of being born in the wrong place, at the wrong time, with the wrong people, while all there is left is a murky pond to stare at, not knowing what to do…

#detachment #emotional #emotions #reflect #reflection #stilllife #still_life #project #match #matchsticks #goodmorning

Anger - Behind The Scenes;

So, it had been a hectic week for me with all these dental issues, and I didn't get time to work with my camera much, so I'm guessing by next week I'll be having some time off (or maybe the whole off?) from posting.
Anyway, here are some picked shots in the process of making my last Friday's post "Anger".

- The two topmost shots were experimental. One shot with f/2.2 (left) and the other at f/2.8 (right), and there is a significant change in the depth of field here. Worth noting that I needed to use a variable ND here to lengthen the exposure time as much as possible (few seconds that is) to have a better flame. The lower depth of field is kind of a requirement to hide the seam in the background (adding a curved paper proved to be a pain in the "something"). You notice also a change in the general color cast, as I was also experimenting with different White Balance settings.

- The three bottom ones are the ones that were combined to form the final image. Unfortunately, I wanted to merge the other two as well but it wasn't possible because of the perspective and size issues. Here, the aperture was fixed at f/2.8, and the seam didn't seem to be a problem since it was automatically set in the dark. For the middle and rightmost images the merge was relatively easy, but when merging the leftmost one, some issues arouse. Anyway, all I wanted is actually the flame part of the matchstick, so only that part was taken for the merge.

#behindthescenes #anger #match #matchsticks #flame #fire #goodmorning

غَـضَـبْ (anger);

Across cultures, I bet most of us (if not all of us) come from a background where culture looks negatively to the issue of anger, and encourages individuals to suppress their anger and substitute that for self control, instead. The dilemma is, would anger be a sin? If so, why it comes naturally at times? If not a sin, then why it is viewed negatively?
Fast forward to our modern times, where psychology thrives and with the abundance of the self-proclaimed psychologists, we often encounter the so-called "anger management" treatments, as if anger is actually a disease or a syndrome of some sort. Is it really so? Now, what about those who suppress their anger most of the time; don't they deserve a treatment as well for putting up with the stupidity of life, trying to keep their nerves in check at all times?
I'm pretty sure that the answer is not a black-and-white scheme. Anger must be a necessity of life if it is there by nature, somehow.
What inspired me to make this shot is a domestic incident, which made me question everything about my life lately. I didn't go berserk with shouting as much as I did in that incident for quite some time; maybe since my 20s. Yet, looking back, I justify for myself, and in other times, I do not. Am I not killing a part of me with every incident where I keep anger buried inside? On the other hand, and to me this is one important question, why do some people believe that they are always doing the right thing regardless of my feelings, and when I'm angry, I become the villain? That can't be fair, is it?
In a sense, it does sound like slavery of sorts, and no escape but through anger and lashing out; because already, many personas died inside (hence the falling burned matchsticks).
An old Arabic adage says: "Beware the clement when angry"; and I say: Understand the angry one, and don't judge before you know...

#anger #angry #angst #emotion #emotional #matchsticks #red #wrath #stilllife #still_life #goodmorning

جَـلْـدُ الْـذّات (self flagellation)

Since the text is long and doesn't fit the limit on Pixelfed, you can read the full text here: https://cara.app/post/6ffeba5a-8142-4fe8-b826-ef2ccbc18f8b


#self #reflect #reflection #shadow #shade #match #matchsticks #stilllife #still-life #miniature #blame #goodmorning

Loneliness - Behind The Scenes;

For the past 2 weeks I've posted successive results without talking much or posting about the trials or behind the scenes shots and such; namely for "Introversion" and "Loneliness".
The fact is, the two shots that I've posted in the past 2 weeks are for the same set and I didn't change anything in the set except the camera position and perspective. So, for this post, I'm posting trials from the perspective that I've used for the latter shot, "Loneliness".
You can see here from these shots (which are not processed or adjusted much except maybe for the exposure a bit) how the background where I pin the matchsticks is covered in holes - such a lengthy work needed at the end of the day to fix those in PS. I've taken many shots here but I'm just displaying 4 of them. Each one is different in some aspect regarding the shadows (and some did have undesired flare to them). During the trials, I was reluctant to whether make the shadows point towards or away from the single matchstick on the box, until I've finally decided to let them point towards the box, as shadows in this manner would (or supposed to) keep the eye of the observer within the frame and not wander out or expecting something out, and in some way act as a focus-driving element to that single match on the box. All trials were done with f/16 and I didn't find it necessary to try out lower f-numbers (that is, to reduce the focus on other elements in the image by reducing the depth of field).

#behindthescenes #stilllife #still_life #project #match #matchsticks #tryouts #goodmorning

وَحْـدَةٌ (loneliness);

Not far off from introversion, lies there the concept of "loneliness". Like its cousin (or rather sister), introversion, people quite often misunderstand "loneliness" by imagining it is when people don't find someone to be with, and once this is solved, the problem vanishes. Unfortunately, though, the problem is more complex than that. Loneliness can take many forms, under various circumstances, and reasoning.
Some psychologists do call "loneliness" a pandemic; one that had been going on for the big part of our modern societies (yet, one which cannot be vaccinated against). Even though it is everywhere, but probably you can see its clear signs in some specific places and societies (e.g. Japan, where terms like "Hikikomori" were coined). However, for the big part, its signs are not visible to the naked eye. For one, it is there even deep inside those individuals who can be marked as "extroverts" and are leading their lives from one party to another, from one wedding to another. What makes them "lonely" you may ask, I'll say for the major part, they lost connection, or don't know how to connect, or simply, can't find a purpose or a reason to connect to anyone. It's a matter of "relating" to someone else, probably. I'll leave the rest for psychologists to decide the reasons behind such loneliness within individuals.
One of the best sayings, in my opinion, that describe loneliness, is something quoted from the late Robin Williams, where he said something along the lines of "What's worse than being lonely, is to be with people who make you feel lonelier". I believe for the most part of our lives, this is the main cause for what we identify with as "loneliness"…

#lonely #loneliness #alone #stilllife #still_life #match #matchsticks #miniature #one #only #goodmorning