Meet Dirty Daerjl.

He was good at his job. Really good. Medical examiner, respected by his peers, celebrated in his field. And every paycheck, every bonus, every coin he didn't immediately need -- straight to the table.

Cards, dice, lizard races. Gambit of Ord was his game of choice, but Daerjl wasn't picky. If there was a bet to be made, he was there to make it. And one night, he was so sure he had a sure thing that he bet everything he had. He didn't have a sure thing.

He ran before they could stop him. Took a roundabout path to an inn, lay low, and told himself it would blow over. He went home the next morning to smashed windows, a kicked-in door, and most of his belongings in pieces on the floor. On top of the debris: a note.

"We have informed your former employer that you work for us now."

And just like that, his credentials as a funeral director, coroner, and medical examiner became someone else's tools. For years, he planned the disappearances. Covered up the murders. Did the dirty work and asked, regularly, when his debt would be paid off. The answer was always nothing.

One day he just didn't go in. Left town. Didn't look back.

He hasn't paid off the debt. He knows they haven't forgotten. But out here, wand in one hand and firearm in the other, he is at least on his own terms.

---

Dirty Daerjl is a Rock Gnome Artificer, level 10. At 2'10 and 40 pounds, he is at least 250 years old, with dark tan skin, a large bulbous nose, and dark grey hair cut flat on top. He bridges magic and technology with the precision of someone who spent a career in the details. He is a hard worker, a dedicated craftsman, and genuinely cannot walk past a card table without slowing down.

#iTA #isThisAnything #DnD #TTRPG #Homebrew #CharacterIntro #Artificer #RockGnome

Meet Daz'Throol, Knight of Rix-Cave, Protector of the Green Shield, Master of the Staff of Throol.

There are people who protect others because they have to. Because it's their duty, their oath, their job. Daz'Throol does it because he cannot do otherwise. Something in him -- something ancient and immovable -- simply will not allow the weak to fall while he still stands.

He is calm. Almost unnervingly so. He speaks quietly, moves deliberately, and carries himself with the kind of stillness that makes a room feel safer just by him being in it. He will listen to your problem. He will consider it fully. And if that problem involves something trying to hurt you, he will step in front of it.

He will always step in front of it.

His war pick and the Staff of Throol are tools, not trophies. The Green Shield, which protects him as he protects others, is worn with the ease of something earned. His chain mail covers his torso, plate covers his legs, and in his nose hangs the ring that carries both his holy symbol and the signet of his order -- present and visible, a reminder of what he is and who he answers to.

He does not raise his voice. He does not need to. When the calm breaks, you'll know.

---

Daz'Throol, Knight of Rix-Cave, Protector of the Green Shield, Master of the Staff of Throol, is a Loxodon Paladin, level 10. He controls the battlefield, absorbs punishment, and keeps his party standing. His presence at the table is that of an anchor: patient, immovable, and absolutely certain of his purpose.

#iTA #isThisAnything #DnD #TTRPG #Homebrew #CharacterIntro #Paladin #Loxodon

Is This Anything?

The Bop It Idol - Wondrous Artifact

The Bop-It Idol was built by trickster gnome/shopkeeper/blacksmith/inventor of considerable skill and considerable irritability who loved a good riddle almost as much as he hated anyone who thought they had figured one out.

This garishly colored scepter is warm to the touch and deeply pleased with itself. It attunes to the first creature that holds it for more than a minute and then it refuses to let go.

At the start of each of your turns in combat, the idol issues a command in a loud, cheerful voice audible to every creature within 60 feet. Bop It! Twist It! Pull It! Flick It! Spin It! Encore!

What those commands mean depends on the DM. In one version, the idol is asking: strike a nearby creature, take the dodge action, attempt a grapple, expend a resource like a spell slot or ki point, or perform a flashy weapon flourish with disadvantage because it wants a show. Comply and your turn continues. Refuse and you pay for it in psychic damage, lost actions, or an embarrassing tumble to the floor.

In the other version, it is not asking at all: your body lurches toward the nearest creature, a spell slot is drained, your attack is redirected, you move differently in the order of things.

Both versions share one final mechanic. When you drop to zero hit points, the idol speaks one last time in a voice only you can hear: "Pass it." Then it throws itself at whoever is closest.

Crumwick thought that was the funniest part.

#iTA #isThisAnything #dnd #TTRPG #homebrewdnd #dnd5e #magicitems #curseditem #cursedartifact #bopit #gnomeinventor #homebrewmagicitem

Meet Danumo Tallfellow.

He started on the street. Coins in a hat, card tricks, a little sleight of hand. Then he picked up an instrument and the coins came faster. He moved inside -- taverns, pub stages, dock-side crowds. Then small theaters. Then leads. Then one-man shows. Then coliseums.

There is no bigger stage than the one Danumo has already stood on. He has filled every seat in every room in every city. He is not just famous. He is beloved. He is the kind of name that makes strangers smile just by saying it.

It isn't enough.

It was never going to be enough. He doesn't want to maintain his fame -- he wants to expand it. Into every market, every household, every corner of the known world that hasn't heard of him yet. There aren't many of those left. But there is one frontier he hasn't conquered.

Adventuring.

At 5'1, he is the tallest halfling you have ever met, and he knows it. Slender, olive-skinned, with piercing green eyes and hair that enters the room a moment before he does. He has been trained in stage combat by the best stuntmen working, and he intends to find out how well that translates to something real.

---

Danumo Tallfellow is a Halfling Bard -- performer, showman, and the most charismatic person in any room he walks into. He has never walked into a room he didn't own.

#iTA #isThisAnything #DnD #TTRPG #Homebrew #CharacterIntro #Bard #Halfling

# Meet Cornelius "Papa" Behrr

Three hundred wins, but one loss that doesn't show up in any record book.

Papa Behrr had been fighting his whole career. He was good at it. He trained hard, he fought clean, and he was respected. Then one day, cooling down at the gym, he spotted a woman training across the room. Elvish. Striking. Moving like someone who had been in more fights than she'd ever admit. He introduced himself. She suggested a walk.

For hours they talked -- about fighting, about family, about the lack of it. Somewhere along the way she pulled out a staff, plain gold and wood, and balanced a stone above it. Then a leaf on the stone. Then a larger stone on the leaf. All of it spinning, hovering, effortless.

As Papa watched, Lucia reared back with her free hand and knocked him cold.

He woke up alone. No pack, no hat, no shirt, no rings, no shoes. Just his pants and the memory of every detail -- her long dark orange hair, her obsession with the Aqumore Archipelago, the tattoo on the back of her left hand, between thumb and forefinger: "LK."

He fell apart after that. Stopped fighting, started drinking. Then started drinking seriously. It was somewhere in a blackout that the decision made itself: find her. He doesn't know yet if it's for revenge or something worse. He just knows he has to look her in the eyes one more time.

---

Cornelius "Papa" Behrr is a Human Fighter -- a career boxer with over three hundred professional wins and one very personal loss he can't let go of. He fights with his hands, his feet, and the kind of stubborn endurance that only comes from spending decades getting hit and getting up. He is warm, steady, and easy to underestimate -- right up until he isn't.

#iTA #isThisAnything #DnD #TTRPG #Homebrew #CharacterIntro #Fighter #PC

Is This Anything?

An explosion at the local Magic Factory rains glittering dust across a nearby town. Anyone who breathes it in is subject to something like Wild Magic -- unpredictable, uncontrollable, occasionally wonderful, occasionally catastrophic.

(What's a Magic Factory? I'm not entirely sure. Maybe ley lines are like oil -- something you can drill for, pump, refine, and ship in barrels. Maybe somebody built an industry around that. Maybe that was always going to end badly.)

The town isn't destroyed. It's just... complicated now. And somebody has to sort it out.

#iTA #isThisAnything #DnD #TTRPG #Homebrew #WildMagic #Worldbuilding

Is This Anything?

In the moments before death, everybody gets one wish spell. (Rules As Written, can't undo the death, no "great latitude" granted.) You have one action, the world bends around it, and then you're gone.

#iTA #isThisAnything #iTAWish #DnD #TTRPG #Homebrew #WishSpell #Worldbuilding

Is This Anything?

Two identical blades. One always strikes true. One lies through its teeth. Every morning you wake up not knowing which is which and the only way to find out is to use them.

The most commonly-cited origin involves a gnome. Records disagree on the name, but the most repeated version i s Crumwick Follensby-Follensby-Follensby-Nimbleton-Follensby-Esq., Esq., a blacksmith of considerable skill and considerable irritability, who loved a good riddle and could not stand to be in the same room as someone who already knew the answer.

He forged the blades himself. Set the magic himself. Then, by most accounts, dropped them in a random merchant's stock at a busy market, bought a meat pie, and left. Nobody saw him again, or at least nobody who saw him knew who they were looking at.

Whether Crumwick made THE WITNESS or merely found them and added to them is disputed. Some scholars place the blades a century before any record of the gnome. He has never been available for comment.

Those who have carried both blades for long enough sometimes describe them less as two weapons and more as one unresolved question.

---

THE WITNESS
Weapon: Shortswords (or any identical weapon pair)
Rarity: Very Rare
Attunement: Required as a pair

THE WITNESS is two identical blades attuned and wielded as a single weapon system. They cannot be attuned separately. A creature that carries only one, or wields only one while the other is undrawn, gains no benefit from either.

TRUTH AND LIAR
At the end of each long rest, the DM secretly designates one blade as Truth and one as Liar. This assignment is not revealed to the wielder. When the wielder makes attacks, both attack dice are rolled openly. The wielder knows which die corresponds to which blade, but does not know which blade is advantaged.

Truth blade attacks are made at advantage.
Liar blade attacks are made at disadvantage.

The wielder may determine the assignment through observation over the course of the day.

THE FALSE READ
When the Liar blade misses, the wielder becomes aware that a read has occurred. The DM provides one piece of false information about the target. This may include but is not limited to: current HP threshold, intended next action, damage vulnerabilities or resistances, or current condition. The information is delivered confidently and without indication that it is false.

UNATTUNED
If the blades are carried without attunement, both are treated as attacking at disadvantage at all times. The False Read does not trigger.

NOTE: THE WITNESS is written here as shortswords. The mechanic applies equally to any pair of identical one-handed weapons suitable for dual wielding.

OPTIONAL: THE WITNESS may be treated as sentient. If so, neither blade speaks unprompted. What, if anything, they say is left to the DM.

#iTA #isThisAnything #DnD #TTRPG #Homebrew #MagicWeapons #MagicItems

Meet Voss

He doesn't remember what ordinary thing he was doing when it happened.

He remembers before; a quiet and unremarkable life, sure, but it was *his*. And he remembers the after; which is Pip, already perched, already watching him with the patience of a thing that has been waiting a long time and is relieved the wait is finally over. Voss didn't go looking for this. He is still not quite sure what *this* is.

Voss is neat about everything. His coat, his words, the careful way he stands in a room as though he's already located the exits and decided which one he prefers. He watches people the some people watch fires, waiting for it to inevitably get out of hand but already knowing when that will happen. He's not unfriendly. He just seems that way because of his carefulness.

Ask him what Pip is and he will pause for a long time before responding: "I'm still working on that".

---

Meet Pip

Small. Fast. Certain, in an unearned way.

He arrived without invitation nor explanation.

He finishes sentences. Not out of impatience, but because he already knows where the sentence will end, and waiting for it to come seems like a dreadful formality. He is always right about that direction, and knows that this is not entirely endearing. He has not adjusted.

Voss noticed early on that Pip has never said anything provably false. Voss has spent considerable time deciding whether this is reassuring. It is not. Something that has never been wrong is either very wise or has never been tested.

What Pip is, exactly, is a question he deflects with the efficiency of something who has heard it many times and found the asking much more interesting that the answering. Voss asks sometimes, late at night when the camp is quiet. Pip often responds that he is still working on that. Voss suspects this is true, and he is not eased by it.

---

Meet Voss and Pip

If asked, they'll tell you they're not a team. Voss will tell you as much, very carefully, with a pause before the word team like he is checking whether it fits. Pip will tell you much quicker and with more confidence and with zero elaboration. They will then immediately function as a team, and nobody will bring it up, becuase obviously they're a team.

---

Voss is an Aberrant Mind Sorcerer who doesn't so much *cast* as *indicate*, neat and deliberate in everything including violence, built around reading the room before acting and acting *precisely* when he does act. Pip is a familiar by ruling, and something harder to pin down by name in every other measure. Small, construct-adjacent, forward-leaning, eager, with eyes that are slightly too steady and a certainty that has never once wavered in Voss's presence.

In combat, Voss stands at the edge and tilts the table quietly while Pip handles what needs handling. They are the most efficient two voices in the party, and the least forthcoming. And the question of which one of them is actually doing the magic is, as Voss might say, still being worked on.

#iTA #isThisAnything #DnD #TTRPG #CharacterIntro #Homebrew #Sorcerer #Familiar #Construct #DynamicDuo

Is This Anything?

Thelma & Louise as a D&D adventure.

Two players and a DM. No map or dungeon. Just a road, a bad decision that made sense at the time, and a growing list of people who would very much like to speak with the characters.

Hijinks escalate. The law gets involved. The friendship gets tested. The horses are fast but the kingdom is not that big.

Structurally it's a two-player road campaign with a ticking clock and a moral compass that keeps getting knocked off the wagon. The DM's whole job is to keep putting interesting people and problems in the road and seeing what these two do about it.

I think i'll move this from "Just a whimsical note" to "an adventure i'll actually author". Maybe.

#iTA #isThisAnything #DnD #TTRPG #Homebrew #TwoPlayer #RoadCampaign #DMing