Fruit growers sound alarm over watering limits

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The chickens drink champagne and eat grapes whilst I finish succession planting

Cruella (my wife) has gone to our English house to mother our idiot son. She has left me strict instructions on the dietary requirements of her girls whilst she is away. Meanwhile I have been busy with finishing off my summer successions planting; read on to find which activity I have prioritised!

13th July 2026. Things I have been doing in the garden lately.

• Clearing out Osteospermums
• Cutting back Alyssums
• Putting spiral grass to bed
• Planting out mini sunflowers and Petunias
• Deploying the Marigolds reserve
• Overseeing the correct dietary requirements of chickens

Clearing out Osteospermums. I love Osteospermum daisies as they provide the backbone of my winter and Spring garden.They self seed profusely and I gather the seedlings in January and pot them up. They are then planted out and allowed to grow away for two years with a new bunch planted every year and the two year olds taken out. The photos below show the start of the removal process to make room for the summer annuals.

Whilst I was working on the flower beds the chickens decided to reenact the cover of the Beatles Abbey Road album (only readers of a certain age will understand).

Cutting back Alyssums. Another great self seeder that is wonderful in the winter garden is Alyssums. These low growing free flowering beauties are ideal in Spain as they are quite drought tolerant and just need cutting back to quickly bloom again. The photos below show how tough you can be with them and they still bounce back.

Putting spiral grass to bed. Spiral grass is an unusual plant that sits on some of my outdoor window ledges and gives interest and is often commented upon for its dramatic spiral growth. Once it has flowered with its unshowy flowering stems and gone slightly brown, it’s time to chop it back.

To ensure next years growth from its corm like bulb you have to be very brutal and chop it right back to the tip of the bulb. At this stage you can if you wish separate it, but to be honest it likes being overcrowded. The photos below show spiral grass just before the chop and afterwards. Once you have cut it back, give it a water and put it at the back of your potting bench, to be brought out next Spring.

Planting out mini sunflowers and Petunias. I am now at the end of my summer succession planting and the last things I am putting in are mini (Teddy Bear) sunflowers and Petunias. My Summer beds already have the following growing on:

• Gazanias
• Cosmos
• Alyssum
• Marigold
• Giant sunflowers

Everything is grown from seed and is planned to provide a profusion of flowers All the way through summer into the late autumn.

The process starts with laying out the mini sunflowers where I want them, this is followed up by bringing out the trays of Petunias I have managed to hide from rampaging Blackbirds. The petunias are placed around the mini sunflowers in blocks that will eventually give solid colour throughout this year including winter and into next spring.

The photos below show the planting out that ends a process that started with seed catalogues last winter and will now culminate in a riot of colour. Oh the joys of gardening.

Deploying the Marigolds reserve. When you are planting out your summer beds always make sure to leave some reserve seedlings on your potting bench. You will definitely lose some plants either by bad luck, snails, disease or chickens. Given that you don’t want gaps in your planting you need to have reserves ready to plug the gaps.

My go to reserve plants are Marigolds. Ever reliable fast growing and flower all summer. I was planning that my reserve would be Salvia this year, but through bad choices on compost I have had to revert back to the good old reliable Marigold. The photos below show the reserve being deployed.

I hope this discussion on succession planting from seed will encourage some of you to stop your plant shopping habit and instead enjoy the delights of growing from seed. Finally, a couple of photos of the fully planted flower beds.

Overseeing the correct dietary requirements of chickens. Before she left Cruella (my wife) was overseeing a strict dietary eduction and etiquette programme aimed at improving her girls chances of being accepted into “Society” and making a good “match”. I think she has been reading too much Jane Austen.

Anyway, the programme mainly consisted of Cruella (my wife) drinking lots of champagne and allowing her girls to have little sips to gradually introduce them to alcohol without the danger of unseemly intoxication. In addition to introducing genteel drinking habits, she has been feeding them solely on seedless grapes and strawberries. The photos below shows them midst drinking and eating frenzy.

As soon as I got back from dropping her off at the airport I immediately enforced a new regime. Plain water to drink and crushed up cornflakes to eat. As expected there was an instant rebellion and they demanded that I contact Cruella (my wife) at least that is what I think they said it was all Chickenese.

Luckily I was prepared for their antics and had already confiscated their phones and changed the Wi-Fi password. At the moment we have reached stalemate, they are refusing to go to bed so that I have to pick them up individually to take them to their coop. The problem is that they then they go all limp and floppy to make it difficult; Cruella taught them this when she was doing her “chickens for Calais” training.

The photo below shows them refusing to go to bed. To make matters worse they have started singing protest songs such as “we shall overcome” and “by the rivers of Babylon”; at least that’s what I think they are singing, but it was all Chickenese.

If you have experience with a PI outside the US who is anti-ableist that you think I should be looking at for a doctorate in Botany, Pomology, Plant Science, Horticulture and related fields, please do let me know!

EDIT: I have already done the basic "how to research schools & PIs" steps (and will continue doing those). I'm specifically directing this request to those who have experience with PIs with the traits described. Thank you.

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